Goodbye darkness, hello sunshine! Luo Qi Qi is finally opening herself up and living the happy, carefree life that children her age should be living.

Sometimes, when you feel like you've become isolated and have sunken into darkness, your friends will be there pulling you out. It's at these points when you realize how much they impact you and how important friends really are.

**I'll be on semi hiatus until the end of November so this might be the last post until then!

1. Fate Is Reversed

Within time, you, me, perhaps our appearances will have long changed. Each of us within the limits of the sky, the corners of the sea.
Beyond time, you, me, our prospects still remain glittering, as we sit side by side on the peach blossom covered classroom steps.

Chen Jin and I were originally two parallel lines with no chance of intersecting, but because he chose me as a seating partner, our fates crossed.

Although our reasons were different, we both didn't listen in class. However, he was a good student and could only stare off into space expressionlessly whereas I, the bad student, could choose between staring off into space, sleep and read novels. At the time, I was currently lost without hope in the worlds inside books. Chen Jin would occasionally glance over with the corner of his eye, probably bewildered by my concentration and diligence. Afterwards, when we became a bit closer, he would ask me what exactly I was reading. When he heard the titles 'Xue Rengui's Campaign to the East', 'Xue Ding Shan's Campaign to the West', 'Folk Literature'...etc., he looked like he was going to collapse because he had never heard of them before, it really had a bad impact on his 'child prodigy' name. When he heard 'Dream of the Red Chamber', his expression turned slightly back to normal before returning to a face of awe to say " 'the young don't watch Red Chamber, the old don't read Three Kingdoms', your dad allows you to watch 'Dreams of the Red Chamber'?"

It was my first time hearing such a saying so I dazedly said "I don't know, my dad doesn't care about me reading, basically as long as the book is on the book shelf, I'll read it."

He thought for a moment before discussing with me "lend me your copy of 'Dreams of the Red Chamber' and I'll lend a set of books to you."

I brought 'Dreams of the Red Chamber' to him, the 1979 version with a set of four books. He gave me 'Classic of Poetry' [also known as Book of Songs/Odes, the oldest existing collection of Chinese poetry]. He finished 'Dreams of the Red Chamber' really quickly and returned it to me with a soso expression. He then flipped through 'Xue Ren Gui's Campaign to the East' and gave it back to me without finishing it. Thereafter, it was always me borrowing his books, he had completely no interest in my books.

The 'Classic of Poetry' he lent me had no vernacular* or explanatory notes so it was very laborious reading. There were many parts that I didn't understand but he would never explain. only telling me that poetry didn't need explanations for every word, you only needed to remember it and one day, one moment, under a certain situation, it will naturally come to you. I didn't know if his father told him this or if it was his excuse for not wanting to bother explaining.

Because reading it was very hard work and boring, I didn't want to read it. But Chen Jin, in his boring prodigy life, found a new hobby which was to test me. He would often randomly say a line and wanted me to say the next line; or he would recite one half and I would say the next half. If I got it correct, he would have an uncaring, taken for granted expression. However, if I couldn't say it, he would shake his head disdainfully at me. Children all have ambitions, especially to beat prodigies so under the incentive of this game, I gradually memorized the entire of 'Classic of Poetry'.

At the start, I was only an amusement for when he was bored but gradually, he realized that I wasn't like the other students and teachers, who admired child prodigies. Thus, we began competing with or without a purpose.

People who've had morning reading sessions should all have the experience of having a piece of writing that you have to memorize. The teacher would give us twenty or thirty minutes to memorize it all then check afterwards. Within the given time, whoever memorized it first can raise their hand and recite it for the whole class, the shorter the time, the higher the time, the more the glory.

Chen Jin never bothered joining in these because his memory was astounding, he could recite all the texts in our Chinese book. Once, he half jokingly flaunted to me, "Bring over the middle school Chinese book, I can recite it for you." So when the teacher wanted us to memorize the texts, he was very bored.

However, having me who didn't listen to the teacher as a desk mate, he quickly shook off his boredom. He gave me a photocopied article from some unknown book and wanted to compete with me to see who could memorize this text in the shortest time.

The articles he gave me were much more interesting than our Chinese book, I was probably greedy and also probably competitive so I agreed. Henceforward, in morning reading sessions, the two of us were busy. The result of the competitions were always certain. Often, after I worked hard looking at a few parts, he would already tell me that he was able to recite it. I wasn't able to understand how he could finish reading a text so fast so I asked.

Chen Jin didn't answer me directly but instead explained a proverb: ten steps at a glance.
"My dad said that there are only two physical things in the world that boundless, one is a person's brain, the second is the universe. Only if you believe.." he pointed at my head "use heart to train it, it will be able to do it."

I secretly remembered his words. When I read novels, I started to force myself to look over two lines at once, then two to three lines, then three to four lines... This process was very painful but through ambition, no matter how painful, I still forced my brain to function to the limits.

Unconsciously, my reading and memorizing abilities improved at a rapid pace. I went from always losing to occasionally winning the competitions with Chen Jin. Every time I made things difficult for Chen Jin, he would pretend to be calm and indifferent but secretly he would frown and look at me.

The first term of Year 5 was quickly drawing to a close, one day at self study, Chen Jin suddenly said to me: "I'm not coming to class tomorrow."

I thought that he was sick or something, Teacher Zhang was sitting up on the podium marking work so I could only quietly make a sound. He pulled my homework book over and motioned for me to move my head closer. He held a pen and carefreely wrote on the exercise paper, as if helping me with a question: "my mum decided early on for me to skip a grade. My dad didn't agree. A few days ago, my mum finally persuaded my dad to let me skip grades. Last week, I went to Yi Zhong* to do middle school test papers. I got full marks on the middle school second year maths paper but I didn't do well on English, I only got 80 percent. After my dad discussed it with the principal, it was agreed for me to start Year 1 of Middle School next term. My mum wants me to quit school and use this period of time to read over the course material for the other subjects." [*Yi Zhong (No.1) is considered as the best high school in many cities, I'm assuming that in this case he is talking about the best middle school. There are 3 years of middle school.]

"You're saying that you won't come to class anymore?"
"Yeah, I'm just giving you a heads up. Teacher Zhang doesn't know yet, my mom is coming to school tomorrow to talk directly with the principal."

Everyone envied skipping grades but Chen Jin's tone of voice seemed unhappy. Afterall, he started school early and now as he was skipping two grades, he was going to be four years smaller than everyone else. The difference of four years is very big to a child. 34 year old people perhaps wouldn't think that people that are 30 are very different to them but a 14 year old middle school student will definitely think that a 10 year old primary year 3 student is not from the same world as them.

After school, he carried his bad and stood on the podium for a while, silently looking at the classmates in the class mucking around. He didn't have any arrogance on his face, only the reservedness of a person skipping grades. When it was time to leave, he said goodbye to me, I casually waved my hand. I laid by the window watching him hesitantly walking past the school ground. As he walked, he looked around as if he was reluctant to leave. I lifted up my bag and at rapid speed ran down the stairs chasing after him, "I...I'm also going home, let's go together."

His eyes lighted up but his face still had an expression of nonchalance, as if this sort of thing was common. I accompanied him slowly out of the school, right until we were at the street where we had to part. He waved his hand at me, "goodbye." Then he ran off. I waved at his back and continued walking. Every one of us are like a planet. Our starting point in birth and our finishing point is death, this is what the heavens have planned for us long ago. However, our orbit between birth and death depends on many factors. As we move in the vast universe, the first two planets we bump into are parents, then, there are teachers, friends, lovers, superiors...

Meeting and colliding with other planets will inevitably impact the functioning of our orbit. Some impacts are positive, some impacts are negative. Loving someone unworthy of your love, having a bad teacher, meeting a harsh boss, these probably all count as typical negative meetings. Whereas having a good teacher, meeting an appreciative boss, having friends who are willing to give a hand, fengshui study often call these types people of high rank. Actually these highly ranked people are counted as typical positive encounters.

Chen Jin was the first person to create a significantly positive impact on my path in life. In this period of being desk mates, he had brought me into a world that I had not know about in the past. Although I was only standing at the door, but due to his pointers, I had unintentionally embarked on this path.

However, the me at the time didn't know about these. The study methods he taught me, the stories he told me during class, the poetry he tested me on, the songs he recommended me, the remarkable people he admired, all of these things were only little children's games to the me back then, things that weren't any more interesting that skipping and throwing sand bags. But in reality, the things he brought me subtly influenced my life's orbit.

Chen Jin's sudden departure created a wild effect in our class. For that period of time, many girls would often lean on their desks crying, it was honestly a group breakup.

Afterwards, some persistent girl found out Chen Jin's address. All the girls in the class were all very happy. They started to save money and planned for every person to give $5[yuan] to add together to buy a memento to gift for Chen Jin. I didn't join. My family wasn't rich and my pocket money was limited. It had more important uses such as buying juice.

But the problem was even though my family wasn't rich, we definitely weren't poor either. Many girls who came from bad backgrounds all used all their efforts to give all that they had. In the eyes of the girls, my actions were unforgivable. Due to this, I once again became our class's special case, the whole class knew that I didn't like Chen Jin. Inside the hearts of the girls in our class, the most accurate way of expressing this sentence was: you, actually dare to not like Chen Jin?! Because of Chen Jin, I suffered from a never before experienced loneliness. The girls in the class all seemed to see me as an enemy.

The me at the time thought that they were really annoying but now when I think about it, I feel that these feelings are so pure and simple, without the slightest bit of desire, to the extent that everyone can become even more close due to liking the same one. But this type of like can only be experienced in the primary years.

Not long after Chen Jin left, the first term of Year 5 ended. I wasn't clear on what exactly the girls were going to buy as a present to Chen Jin as in their eyes, I had no right to like Chen Jin with them. I only know that they were going to bring the present to Chen Jin's house during winter vacation so for a very long time after term 2 started, their conversations were always on Chen Jin. How beautiful Chen Jin's mother was, how wise his father was, how noble their family was, how outstanding Chen Jin was.

—

After Term 2 started, I, this little planet, encountered another planet which created an enormous impact to me.

Due to health reasons, Teacher Zhang wasn't able to lead the class this term. We had a new teacher who had just graduated from Teacher's Technical School, Teacher Gao. Perhaps due to just graduating, she had an unlimited enthusiasm towards work. During class, she would crack jokes at as and sing songs. If someone was distracted, she would even pretend to be pitiful as say to us, "I know maths is really dull and uninteresting, but I'm really trying hard to make it seem interesting. You guys can give me suggestions but you can't not listen."

Teacher Gao really liked to smile, she never scolded any student and never treated the good students differently from the bad students. I even felt that she was more biased towards the bad students, when she talked to us, she would always be warmer and more patient as if she was afraid that she would hurt us.

Because of Teacher Gao, I stopped being conflicted about doing my homework but my basics were too bad so even if I did the homework, it was too tragic to look at. However, I noticed that Teacher Gao would carefully mark every question and write a detailed explanation of how to tackle the question on the side. There were many questions that I did wrong where she would write praises, commending me on my unique thought process. It was my first time encountering a teacher praising a student even though their answers were wrong.

Every lesson, she would ask me a question. If I answered correctly, she would praise me enthusiastically. If I wasn't able to answer, she would smile and say "think about it carefully, this question is within your capability of answering" and then let me sit down.

In the eyes of adults, children seemed to to be immature, but our hearts are more sensitive than thought. I've already felt all Teacher Gao's small acts of kindness. I am like a sunflower that has been in the dark for too long. I have yearned for the light for too long but just as I started believing that this world is filled with darkness, that in the the eyes of the adults, I was someone without one single attribute, that it wasn't possible for any adults to bestow me a little warmth and care, Teacher Gao appeared.

She looked at me with trust and expectations whereas I was hesitating, hesitating whether or not I should trust her good intentions. In my hesitations, I didn't work hard on improving but rather, I turned even worse. During her classes, I intentionally read books, didn't listen and wrote wrong answers to my homework. When she said west, I'd go towards the east; she said east. I'd go towards the west. I wanted to force out her 'true face'.

Even to this day, I still don't understand what the me at the time was thinking. I can only roughly guess that I was working hard to prove that there was no light in my world and let myself give up hope. There is no disappointment if there's no hope. Perhaps, I was only using another way to protect myself.

However, Teacher Gao never had her 'true face' forced out. She used the heart of a parent embracing their children to tolerate my actions.

In midst of these, a situation occurred which completely removed any suspicions I had towards her. The school wanted Teacher Gao to understand our class better so during Teacher Zhang's resting period after her surgery, the school specially arranged for them to meet, to let her explain every student's conditions.

I was always the last to find out so when I heard about this, Teacher Zhang was already sitting in Teacher Gao's office. My feelings at the time were like bucket of ice water was poured onto me, extinguishing the small flames in my heart. Teacher Gao's office was on the first floor. I happened to be there also so I secretly sneaked under her window to listen. I was late so I didn't hear what Teacher Zhang said exactly, only hearing Teacher Gao saying very politely to Teacher Zhang, "......Everyone make mistakes, mistakes aren't things that can't be forgiven. Luo Qi Qi and Zhang Jun are very smart students...."

I couldn't hear the rest of her words, I could only feel my head spinning. From the day I started school, there hasn't been anyone who called me smart. I was associated with dullness and stupidity. I must have heard wrong for sure! When my head was somewhat clear again and I eagerly wanted to listen again, I could only hear the sound of Teacher Gao sending Teacher Zhang out. Thus, I walked back to the classroom drunkenly, repeatedly telling myself "I must have heard wrong".

I secretly told myself, maybe I didn't hear wrong, that it was true, I wasn't stupid. But my mind which had felt inferior for too long, refused to accept it and continued to repeatedly tell myself, I heard wrong, I definitely heard wrong.

However, no matter if I had heard wrong or not, I had decided to hold on to the light in Teacher Gao's eyes. I was too scared to let her down, scared that after she was disappointed, she would shift her sights. Therefore, I stopped reading books in class and started to concentrate on the lesson. After class, I would seriously think and complete every question for homework. Even if I wasn't able to do it, I would still write my thoughts in the corner. I wanted to let her feel my efforts and give me some time.

My maths marks rose rapidly. At the end of Year 5, my maths grades went from not passing to 80 and 90 percent. Zhang Jun was also like this. However, our Chinese marks were still very bad so our overall grades still weren't good.

Even so, my parent's were still delighted. After my father attended parent teacher interviews, he excitedly said to me, "After the parent teacher interview ended, Teacher Gao asked me to stay and told me 'your daughter Luo Qi Qi is very smart.' Oh yeah, Teacher Gao also wants to choose you to participate in the city's primary school maths competition. You'll have to go to school for lessons in the summer holidays."

In that moment, I was finally sure that I didn't hear wrong that time.

Participating alongside me was Zhang Jun.

That summer, I had the funnest days of my childhood. Everyday when I opened my eyes, my heart felt like it was filled with sunshine.

Every morning, I would go to school and listen to Teacher Zhang's lessons with Zhang Jun. Although we didn't chat much, we sat very close and I was able to see his smile in the corner of my eye.

Teacher Gao didn't stand on the podium, she casually sat in front of us and wrote on scrap paper as she talked. When we were tired, the three of us would chat. Teacher Gao would share a few stories of when she was studying in Beijing as me and Zhang Jun listened attentively. Sometimes, Zhang Jun would share some of his knowledge from travelling all over the country. He was really good at talking and he made his trips come to life. He would talk about the fish feast he had in Wuhan, making me and Teacher Gao salivate. In Yantai, he had eaten raw seafood. When he put the live shrimp, soaked with alcohol, in his mouth, the shrimp still jumped around in his mouth. The flavor was inexpressible. Teacher Gao and I grimaced as we listened.

Teacher Zhang never acted appropriately like a student in front of the teacher. When he talked excitedly, he would jump onto the desk in high spirits whereas Teacher Gao and I would sit on the chairs and look towards him, listening to him.

The bright summer sunshine shone on him from the window, making his entire body sparkle. My heart was also brilliantly bright. It was my first time knowing that happiness could be so very simple, I only needed to sit there and quietly stare at him.

Other than answering questions, I stayed silent for most of the time. However, my quietness was brimming with happiness, I enjoyed listening to him speak.

After the lesson was over, I would walk home with Zhang Jun.

We lived on two sides between a river. We call it a river but it wasn't actually a river. It's said to be a man made irrigation canal that was already there in the Qing dynasty but we were used to calling it a river.

For the sake of being able to walk further with him, I said that I liked to look at the water. I would often go along the river with him to the bridge and part ways there.

I worked hard to find ways to be with him but when we were actually together, I wasn't able to say a word and I could only stay silent. It was often just Zhang Jun who talked while I listened attentively. He had lots of fun stories that would make me laugh.

Sometimes, he would also not speak and we would be in silence. I was scared that he would find me boring and that he wouldn't want to walk with me in the future so as soon as he became quiet, I would desperately start to thing of topics but I wasn't able to think of anything to say, I could only ask, "do you think there's a better way of solving that question from today?" or,"I found another way to solve yesterday's question." So the two of us who had a considerably bad reputation at school were like the good students who were passionate about studying, diligently discussing maths questions. I was only able to realize many years later, in the end, is being quiet more boring or discussing how many ways there are of solving a dull maths question?

However, there were exceptions. When the water in the river was shallow, we would go down to the river to play. The two of us would bend down and look around for pretty stones in the water.

When we were tired, we would sit side by side on a large rock, with our feet in the water, kicking around while resting. The water in the river was able to let people relax. Even though it was quiet, I would stop intentionally looking for words. We would often not speak a word and just bask in the sun, enjoying the breeze.

Time would fly by when we were together. I would often suddenly grasp his watch and realize that it was already lunchtime. I'd hurriedly put on my shoes and say, "I'm going home now, bye."

He would lazily stand up and put on his shoes, "see you tomorrow."

Thinking that we were able to meet again tomorrow, walk together and play together in the water made me feel infinitely happy. Even walking seemed like flying.

Every morning, I couldn't wait to rush to school, couldn't wait to see him, study with him, play with him.

Once, he lay on a rock and fell asleep. I sat by his side, playfully kicking the water. When I secretly looked at his watch, I found out that it was already lunchtime but he didn't wake up. I hesitated for a moment and instead of waking him up, I held up my sunhat, helping to shade him from the sun, letting him sleep.

I held up the sunhat, sat by his side and watched the way he slept. When one hand grew tired, I would switch to the other hand. I felt my heart was as bright as the summer sunshine and as warm as the river water. As long as he was here, I was willing to watch over him.

He slept for a long time before waking, sitting up on one shoulder. I immediately put the sunhat back on my head, my eyes looking towards the distance.

He looked at me and smiled, "you missed out on lunchtime."

I lowered my head and put on my sandals as I replied, "it's okay." It seemed like I was rushing to get home when actually, I was afraid to look at him.

I hurriedly started to leave, he asked me, "if you're late home, will your parents scold you?"

I truthfully answered," they'll probably say a few words to me but I don't care. They are sometimes a little afraid of me so they don't dare to say anything harsh."

My words seemed a little unimaginable but he seemed to understand and didn't have a surprised expression, only smiled a little.

I was already walking away when I suddenly remembered, he didn't seem to be rushed about getting home. I turned back and realized that he was still sitting on the rock. I couldn't help but run back and stood on the bridge asking, "aren't you going home?"

He raised his head, "there's no one at home. It doesn't matter if I go home or not."

I was stunned. Didn't he have four sisters and he was the son his parents finally gave birth to so he was the treasure of his entire family?
[Sons are usually more favored in China as they carry on the family line.]

"Don't you have four sisters? Where are your parents?"

He explained laughing, "my dad is an engineer so he has to go wherever his work is; my mom stays in Chengdu for most of the year to help my older sis take care of her child; my second sis is working in Shenzhen; my third sis lives in the broadcasting station's dorms and is busy dating; my fourth sis just got into university so she went to Shanghai to study, there's only me left in the house.

"Who cooks for you?"

"There is a lady who came from our hometown who cooks for me, but she doesn't care about me."

I stood quietly on the bridge.

He looked up at me for a while and warmly said, "go home, your parents are probably worried." After speaking, he stood up, ready to leave.

I asked, "where are you going?"

He climbed the railings of the bridge, "I'm going to look for friends to play with."

I didn't want him to leave and I really wanted to say, let's play together but I wasn't able to say it out, I could only walk home step by step.

—

During the holidays, when I wasn't studying, I would go to Brother Li's game house to read. A race car friend had brought back a grape vine from XinJiang. Xiao Bo planted it by the wall and used iron wire and bamboo to create a frame for it. The frame had already become a mass of dark green. I liked sitting by it, reading.

Brother Li was busy with his new business and left the entire store to Xiao Bo and Wu Zei to manage. When there were people buying things, Xiao Bo would go and have a look; when there wasn't anyone, he would play billiards while chatting to the me under grapevine.

Sometimes, people would come over to bet. Some were small bets and some were large. When there was large betting, Brother Li would clean the yard and lock the yard door. He would send people to stay in the game house and not let other people enter. Once when he was cleaning the yard, I was there and Xiao Bo didn't make me leave. Brother Li and Wu Zei weren't bother about me and let me leave and enter freely.

When the bidding was small, I would occasionally lay down a stake. Xiao Bo was very creditable, he never once let me lose money. Depending on him, I was able to borrow a few books from nearby book renting shops, using the meager pocket money I had left after buying orange juice. Having book renting shops meant that I could start reading entire sets of Gu Long's works. My favorite was 'The Happy Hero'. I read it again and again, only because there wasn't any loneliness in it.

When I was tired from reading, if there wasn't any people, Xiao Bo would teach me billiards. He would correct my posture step by step. My little brain wasn't well developed and my PE results were always bad but I seemed to have a talent for this half intellectual sport and I was soon able to play correctly.

Sometimes, when Brother Li and Wu Zei were also present, the four of us would play cards underneath the grape vine. In the beginning, Brother Li and Wu Zei doubted me and refused to partner up with me. There was only the good Xiao Bo who didn't care about winning or losing, who would be partners with me.

The losers had to stick a white strip of paper on their face. The two us often lost so much that there wasn't enough space on our faces for the strips of paper.

When I became familiar with the rules, I played with the grace of a big general. Using Brother Li's words, I was able to keep my composure; using Wu Zei's words, I was ruthless. Xiao Bo was really good at playing and with my cooperation, we would often play until Wu Zei and Brother Li were speechless. They wanted to separate Xiao Bo and I but I refused. In the past, they looked down on me, today, I don't want to be with you!

Brother Li and Wu Zei joked that I bore grudges and I fiercely replied, "people who don't bear grudges won't remember to repay favors." I didn't care how they ridiculed me, I would only be partners with Xiao Bo.

I changed from my quiet and well behaved past self and started to like laughing and making noise. Wu Zei would often complain to Xiao Bo that he thought they were raising a cat, unexpectedly, it was actually a little leopard. Xiao Bo laughed, "who told you to enjoy provoking her?"

When we were playing cards, they would drink beer and give me the soft drink Jianlibao. At that time, there wasn't any Coca Cola, Pepsi, Fanta or Wahaha. This bubbling orange flavored carbonated water is the best soft drink to me.

Afterwards, every time I think back to this holiday period, I would always be tempted to think of the words 'Long Vacation'. I know that my vacation wasn't the same as the Japanese drama 'Long Vacation' but whenever I think of this period, my eyes will always be filled with the bright sunshine, the sparkling river water, the dark green of the grape vines, the sounds of joyous laughter, the sweet aroma of oranges, my few best friends and, a boy I like.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cuuute!

Firstly, I love Tonghua's analogies! You can tell that she's put a lot of thought into her writing and she really connects with her characters and all their imperfections. I also really like the few sentences in the beginning of every part (that I've used italics for) because they're also really interesting. Some of them are a bit confusing to translate because I'm not sure what they mean exactly, since some are pretty ambiguous which calls for your own interpretations.

Maybe I should start writing down my interpretations to them down here too! Hehe.

I'm glad Luo Qi Qi's life is finally filled with sunshine and that she's realized she's not so alone in this world! It made me sad when she kept talking about how alone she was- Qi Qi! You have your three bros from the game house too!

Sure Wu Zei teases her a lot but he does it cheekily, like how a big brother might tease his little sister, hehe.

I don't know why though but I keep thinking of Xiao Bo as a cute and chubby little boy. I can't help it! His name sounds so cute! It means small (Xiao) waves (Bo) in Chinese. It isn't pronounced bow but the bo in boring. BUT NO. HE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE A CUTE LITTLE BOY. He's most likely one of the main contenders for Luo Qi Qi's heart!!! I mean, just look at how he is willing to partner up with the amateur her and not care about winning or losing. Reeeally?I remember the way he was playing table tennis when they first met, and how he was playing quite fiercely. Also Wu Zei had told Luo Qi Qi how good Xiao Bo was with a knife. We're only seeing Luo Qi Qi's version of Xiao Bo here, which is a nice, decent guy (to her and his friends) who is in a top school but from what I've seen (or heard), he's a pretty badass 'rebel' too (kids shouldn't be hanging out in game houses or drinking alcohol!). On the other hand, Zhang Jun is a rich, carefree guy who is actually, as we learn in this part, pretty lonely, even though he has a big family.

Just when things were starting to look up for Luo Qi Qi, she gets thrown back into the darkness...Will things ever start going well for her?

2. Grandpa Passed Away

Time is brief, instant, therefore love and warmth are always in a hurry, there is no time to cherish it, with a blink of the eye, it has already passed.
Time is also endless, long, therefore those love and warmth are engraved forever in your heart, unable to be forgotten, for life.

I don't know when the popularity started, but by the time I knew about it, the entire year of boys and girls were rollerskating. Roller skates during that era were very simple and crude. They were just four wheels with a few pieces of metal on top with a soft leather strap attached. The metal sheets could be adjusted for size so there was no need to take off your shoes as the roller skates were attached to them.

There weren't many students in our year with roller skates so everyone would crowd around those few people who did have a pair and line up to take turns playing on them. Zhang Jun never fell behind on these popular things, when other boys were tottering around, walking on their skates, he was already able to skate backwards. All of a sudden, he turned into the most popular guy as all the girls wanted to borrow his roller skates and needed him to teach them how to skate.

I watched them trip around on the concrete from afar. In the depth of my heart, I longed to join them yet I acted like I wasn't the slightest bit interested. I didn't want to curry up to someone just for the sake of a pair of roller skates, even if that person was Zhang Jun, especially if that person was Zhang Jun.
—

After mom received a telegram, she suddenly announced that she had to go back to her hometown and told little sister and I to listen to our dad. I asked her if she could bring me along too , but she replied that I had to study and couldn't skip school.

At night I stayed up writing a very long letter, telling grandpa that everything was great, there was a Teacher Gao who treated me very well, and praised that I was smart, the students all like me, I have lots of friends, I have already read lots of books, I will grow up very quickly and when I grew up, I will go visit him, accompany him fishing...

The next day, mom hurriedly left. I looked forward to her return and imagined what my grandpa would give me. Perhaps it will be a pair of roller skates. I'll skate really, really well and let Zhang Jun be surprised.

A week or so later, mom haggardly returned, thinner than before. I pestered her, asking, "did grandpa see my letter? Did he give me any presents? What did he say..."

Dad pulled me to a corner and told me, "your grandpa had esophageal cancer. He's already passed away and mom is very sad. Don't pester after her mentioning grandpa anymore." I stared at dad, stupefied. Dad gave me $5 and said, "go out to play, when you're hungry, you can go and buy something to eat."

I held onto the money and left the house. In the emptiness between heaven and earth, I didn't know where to go. Grandpa passed away? Passing away means that the person has disappeared from earth? I will never see him again. I yearned to grow up because after I grow up, I can go back to his side, but what should I do now? What should I do when I grow up? Where can I go?

Xiao Bo was sweeping outside the game house when he noticed me. Smiling, he asked, "whats wrong? What's wrong with your expression?"

"I'll treat you to lamb skewers," I replied.

He was dumbfounded for a moment. We were both cheapskates and didn't spend money often. We practically never bought snacks. For me, it was because I wanted use the money to rent books whereas he seemed to have a hobby of saving up money. Today, I unexpectedly changed my nature and became generous. He stood the broom up against the wall and cheered, "Sure!"

We walked to the lamb skewer stand in the corner of the street. I handed the five dollars to person skewering and said, "twenty lamb skewers, ten with little chili, ten with lots of chili."

"Put some more chili, put some more chili...." Under my directions, my lamb skewers pretty much turned into chili skewers.

We ate the lamb skewers as we walked. When it entered my mouth, my mouth was on fire from the spiciness, yet I continued to eat it one bite at a time. Xiao Bo held his lamb skewers and silently looked at me.

After finishing all my lamb skewers, I wiped my tears as I said, "it's really spicy!"

No matter how much I wiped, I couldn't wipe away the tears. It was like a dam had burst; the water all flowed out. Furthermore, my tears were increasing more and more. I felt very embarrassed and started to run away. Xiao Bo grabbed my arm and took me back to the yard.

I stood underneath the grapevine and facing the wall, the tears came gushing down. He sat on the billiard table, silently watching me.

I don't know how long I cried for, but it was probably a long time because in the middle, Wu Zei tried to come in and was driven out by Xiao Bo. There were also a few people who wanted to come and place bets but were also rejected by Xiao Bo.

After my tears stopped, I wiped my face with my sleeve and turned back around. Xiao Bo asked, "Are you hungry? I'll treat you to beef noodles."

I nodded and the two of us went to eat beef noodles. In the beef noodle shop, I covered my face and told him, "my grandpa passed away."

He was silent. I continued, "mom and dad thinks I am young and don't remember but actually I remember it all, everything related to grandpa, I remember it all, because I miss him." My tears started forming in my eyes again. I didn't dare to continue so I started eating the noodles.

After we finished eating, Xiao Bo took my to a small shop* and said, "I want to buy some snacks, what do you think is good?"
*[A small convenience store that sells snacks and cigarettes]

Without any hesitation, I pointed at the the chocolates and said, "the ones with alcohol fillings are tastier."

"Chocolates with alcohol fillings? Give me half a jin*"
*[Jin is the standard unit of weight in China, 1 Jin= 500 grams so 1/2 Jin= 250grams]

Xiao Bo got half a jin of chocolate with alcohol fillings. He ate one and also invited me to eat them. I unwrapped one and put it in my mouth, my heart was in agony yet my mouth was filled with sweetness.

At night when I got home, mom handed me a hand copied version of 'The Heaven Sword and Light Saber', "your grandpa transcribed this book. Originally your grandpa left you tens of thousands of dollars..." Mom softly sighed, "mom only brought this back for you, take good care of it."

Mom's haggardness and exhaustion made her seem darker and skinnier. She didn't know my sorrows yet I could understand her sorrows. I softly said, " you should sleep early."

Mom touched my head and went out the room.

I opened 'The Heaven Sword and Light Saber' and started to read. Although I've already read the book, 'The Book and The Sword', and I've watched the television series, 'The Legend of the Condor Heroes', Jin Yong's name was still unfamiliar to me. I haven't read 'The Return of the Condor Heroes' either, so when I saw Guo Xiang roam to the ends of the world on her donkey, although I felt sad, I was still muddleheaded. When I read to chapter 3, the first sentence: "Flowers bloom and wither. The young men in the martial world have become old. The young girls have begun to show their age with hair turning white......"
*[The Heaven Sword and Light Saber is a wuxia novel written by Jin Yong (Louis Cha) and the third in the Condors Trilogy. The first in the series is 'The Legend of the Condor Heroes' and the second is 'The Return of the Condor Heroes'. 'The Book and The Sword' is another novel written by Jin Yong.]

I suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad, the handwriting was his, yet he wasn't here! There's never been a moment where I understood the cruel and ruthlessness of time more than right now.

I immediately closed the book and never read on. It wasn't until university that I dared to continue reading 'The Heaven Sword and Light Saber', and found out that the girl who I've loved for many years – Guo Xiang, wasn't even a side character in the story.

I still went to school like before, but the world my eyes saw was somewhat different. I would often wake up in the middle of the night, and hide inside the blankets crying. I missed grandpa like crazy. I longed for the chocolates with alcoholic filling that he bought me, I longed for the light smell of ink on him, and his gentle eyes filled with doting love. I clearly knew that in this world, there will never be anyone who will dote on me like him anymore.

My classmates were still carefree and without any worries, whereas I already understood loss. In this world, how much happiness you got when you had something, means how much pain you will receive when you lose it. However much God gives you is however much will be taken away.

—

In the weekend, I took Chiung Yao's 'The Wild Goose on the Wing' to the game house to read. Xiao Bo, Wu Zei and a few of their brothers [mates] were in front of the game house pouring cement.

I asked what they were doing, Wu Zei said that it was Xiao Bo's idea, paving the outside with cement will make it easier sweep and keep clean. In the summer, they can set up sunroof and also sell cold drinks.

I watched on the side for a while before running into the yard to read. After reading the entire novel, I looked up at the grapes above my head, daydreaming. Do the men in the novel really exist? Will there be someone who will love me like this? Thinking to Zhang Jun made me happy, melancholic, and also a feeling of secret anticipation. Perhaps in the future, there will be a day when he will love me just like how the male lead in the novel loves the female lead.

The next day when I went to the game house, the cement outside had already dried. Wu Zei and Xiao Bo were roller skating. They both skated well and I stared at them, surprised.

Someone came to buy game coins. Wu Zei took off his roller skates and called me, "Four Eyed Panda, I'm going to look after the store, you can play."

I looked at the half old pair of roller skates in front of me and in my infinite joy, there was also a feeling of helplessness at what to do. Xiao Bo sat by my side and helped me adjust the size of the skates. "Try it"

It was like I was trying on the glass slippers*, I cautiously put on the roller skates and felt the wheels under my feet skidding around, I was too scared to stand. Xiao Bo held out his hand and holding his hand for support, I stood up shakily. He offered me advice, "first learn to skate with your toes outwards, place one foot firmly on the ground and use the other foot to slide forward. In the beginning, it's not easy to keep the balance, so you have to keep your legs bent. Try to keep your weight low and remember to lean your body forward, this way, if you fall, you have your arms for protection and won't hurt your head..."

Under his support, I started to roller skate. But what can you do, my little brain was extremely stupid and couldn't grasp the basics so I often fell. Sometimes, Xiao Bo was able to catch me, other times, he wasn't able to hold me and fell down with me. Wu Zei sat by the door and laughed, "How can Four-eyed Panda be so stupid? I was able to skate after just three tries, how long will it take her if she's like this?"

I glared at him but he continued laughing. Xiao Bo comforted me, "take it slowly."

Under the sounds of Wu Zei's laughter, we fell again and again. I fell until my arms were covered with bruises. Xiao Bo was dragged down with me until he also had bruises. Wu Zei shook his head laughing, "too scary! When Xiao Bo learnt by himself, he didn't fall more than twice before he was able to skate. Now, when he's teaching the stupid you, he's fallen more than when he learnt it himself. I'd rather die than teach a girl roller skating."

After skating for more than an hour, I was still too cowardly to even stand by myself. Wu Zei grinned and teased me continually, humiliating me, "too stupid, Brother Li had said you were smart, smart my ass!"

I didn't utter a word. Taking off the roller skates, I silently sat in the yard and started reading. My eyes were focused on the book but Zhang Jun appeared in my mind, holding girls and skating with them.

Xiao Bo came in and looking at me, asked, "are you angry with Wu Zei?" Wu Zei stood outside the door looking at me.

I snorted and disdainfully said, "I can recite all of 'Blossoms on a Moonlit River in Spring'*, can he?"
*[Poem]

"Fuck", Wu Zei shook his fist at me then turned around and went inside the room. Xiao Bo laughed, "do you still have the confidence to skate?"

I also laughed, "why wouldn't I? Others can skate after three tries, it's no big deal, I'll just try ten times, a hundred times then!"

"Ok, I'll continue to teach you tomorrow."

"You don't need to teach me."

Xiao Bo was confused, I said, "you've already told me everything you need to tell me. Next, it's up to myself to learn."

Xiao Bo quietly looked at me, and laughed, "That's good too, the roller skates will be put in the yard. When you want to skate, come get it yourself."

From then on, everyday after I finished my lunch, I would go and practice. I would practice at night and on the weekends too. I always remembered Xiao Bo's advice, it's okay to fall but don't fall on your head. Every time I fell, I remembered to use my hands to protect myself and due to constantly using my hands for support, it felt like my arms were broken.

I don't remember how many times I fell, I only remember that in that period of time, I swayed as I walked, my palms were full of injuries. Once when I fell down, my thumb bent and for a long time, it wasn't able to stand straight but I still continued practicing.

My determination and perseverance came as a great shock to Wu Zei. Seeing me suffer as I fell, he specially went to tell Xiao Bo, wanting Xiao Bo to persuade me to stop. Actually it wasn't because I really enjoyed roller skating, it was only because my mind was filled with an image. In the images, Zhang Jun is holding my hand, as we skated.

In my hard struggles with roller skating, the grief from grandpa's passing settled little by little to the bottom of my heart. My physical tiredness allowed me to sleep like the dead so I never woke up in the middle of the night crying again.

A few months later, when I had reached my capabilities, my skating still didn't look as though I was gliding like the wind but it looked okay. Just when I decided to start learning how to skate backwards, just when I decided to choose a suitable opportunity to show off in school, I suddenly discovered that the students didn't skate anymore. It was like a gust of wind, it came suddenly and it left suddenly. My response was always much slower than others. When other people were playing at the height of its popularity, I had just noticed. When I learnt it, everyone had already stopped playing.

I was originally hot blooded but with nowhere to spill, I vacuously abandoned rollerskating. Learning to roller skate backwards from Xiao Bo naturally also came to nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yay! I should be focusing on my exams but I felt overwhelmingly touched by all the comments of support for this novel. Thank you everyone!!!!! I hope you're all enjoying this novel as much as I am!

To be honest, I was really surprised Luo Qi Qi's grandfather passed away so suddenly. He was like a sweet dream to her really. She never got to say goodbye but I'm glad she got to have lots of happy memories of him. I feel like Luo Qi Qi is forced to grow up quickly due to the continuous negative experiences she encounters though. She is still quite innocent but by the way she describes things,her maturity peeks out too.

Xiao Bo is a great older brother for Luo Qi Qi. In some ways, he is quite similar to her grandfather, and in a way it kind of feels like he's stepping in the role her grandfather had as her protector and mentor. He is patient, understanding and caring towards her. Other guys probably would've long given up in teaching her rollerskating, especially if they're getting injured too so I'm really glad she had him by her side during this tough time. Go Xiao Bo!!

3. Haven't Even Dated, Already Out Of Love

I can lock my diary, yet I can't lock my heart.
I can lock my heart, yet I can't lock love and sadness.
I can lock love and sadness, but I can't lock my gaze that follows you.
Many years later, like a clear sky, I can smile and shake your hand, then lightly say goodbye.
Whereas that year, those words I had no time to say, you will never know about them,
They have been locked and cast to the bottom of the surging river of time.

Under the recommendation of the book renting store's owner, I started wtih Qiong Yao's books and plunged right into the world of romance novels. In the Taiwanese romance novels of that period, it wasn't popular to talk about how beautiful the female leads were, instead, the authors liked to describe how much class they had and how different they were from everyone else. I knew that my looks weren't outstanding so I often thought about what class was. I secretly longed to have class and be like those female leads in romance novels who were also ordinary and had an average family background yet depended on some kind of inexplicable elegance and class to capture the male lead's attention. But the words "class" were too abstract. When I observed the popular girls around me, I felt that perhaps the way they looked and dressed were different but they all had one similarity, they all truly looked really pretty. I didn't see any girl with ordinary looks who still had boys like her due to her manga character like smile.

When I remained perplexed over the word "class" despite much thought, God placed the answer in front of me along with a blow. I think that I've had an inferiority complex all along, but the arrival of Teacher Gao caused my world to suddenly be thrown into the sunlight; Zhang Jun's friendship tempted me to desire more, I even wishfully dreamed about fate's arrangements. Why did Teacher Gao decide to choose me and him? Why was he the only one receiving tutoring classes with me? Why did he help me find stones? Why did he speak to me today? Why didn't he ask his desk mate for an eraser, why did he borrow it from me? When he walked past my desk today, why did he look back at me? Why.....

Through the countless 'whys', I analysed all the daily trivial matters, things with no significance were analysed to become significant. I kept feeling that these were a sign, they were implications of the future, it seemed as if fate was trying to tell me something. I vaguely hoped for the fantasies in my heart to become true. I liked to used playing cards to tell fortunes. I calculated my fate with Zhang Jun again and again. If it was a good, I'd really happy; if it wasn't good, I would reshuffle the cards, thinking that it was definitely because the cards weren't shuffled well so the calculations weren't accurate.

Perhaps the answers to these countless 'whys' are very simple, when he walked past my desk and looked back at me, it was because I had ink on my face, he asked to borrow my eraser because his desk mate's eraser had disappeared.... However the me that year didn't think like that, so, everything that was in my wishful fantasies were signs coating on to my expectations.

—

Just when my heart was restless, when I was carefully observing, carefully hoping and carefully getting closer to him, a girl transferred to our class and changed everything.

When she walked in the classroom with the Chinese teacher and stood on the podium, gracefully smiling, I finally understood the word "class" in the romance novels. The teacher said that she was called Guan He*, the person was truly similar to her name, a lotus flower.
*[The He in her name stands for lotus]

Later, I walked through many cities, I saw many countries, met lots of beauties, but every time I recalled the beauties, little Guan He would always be the first to pop into my mind.

She wore a violet coat, and had a purple plastic butterfly hairpin clipped on her head. Her raven black straight hair draped over her shoulders. Her features weren't prettier than the pretty girls in our class, but she had an aura about her that captured my attention. Facing the unfamiliar class, she didn't nervously try to hide, nor did she eagerly try to blend in. She only stood there, slim and gracefully.

In the days after, Guan He exhibited an inexplicable charm. Her grades were outstanding, she got first in the class just on her first test; she was talented, in the New Year's Day class party, she sang while playing the erhu to 'Night on the Grassland', causing the teachers and students to be greatly surprised; the blackboard bulletin she wrote turned around our class' embarrassment of losing to class (2) throughout the year. *[They are in class (1)]

However, she was never the slightest bit arrogant, unlike the other girls. Her smiles were always kind, her voice was warm, she was neither haughty nor humble to the teachers, and she treated other students polite and modestly. No matter if it was male or female, a good student or a bad student, they all greatly admired her graceful demeanor.

They say that friendships between girls are hard to keep. The girls in our class are always proof of this, one moment they are really close and inseparable, the next, they're saying bad things behind each other's backs. However, Guan He became the exception, not only did all the boys in the class like her, even all the girls in the class liked her, to the extent that if a girl said bad words about Guan He, the other girls would break off their friendship with that girl. Gradually, even the most arrogant and envious girls started to Guan He, whereas Guan He treated everyone the same. She was good to everyone, as long as her help was needed, she would definitely do it. However, she also kept a distance from everyone and had no true 'best friend'. But it was just this close yet distant attitude that made the girls crazy. All the girls wanted to be good to Guan He and become best friends with her, they even boasted that actually, they were even closer to her, as if the people who were in Guan He's good graces were ranked one notch higher.

I was dumbstruck as I watched the incredible Guan He conquer the hearts of all the boys and girls in our Year 6 Class (1) at lightning speed. In all fairness, I also liked her as I believed that through the chatters of the gossip girls in our class, the bad things I've done would have all traveled to Guan He's ears, yet she still treated me the same as the other students, not close yet not distant. Once, when I spilled ink on my clothes, she saw and advised me to smear grains of rice and gently rub it into the stain so that it will be easier to wash off.

In this 'craze' that swept through the whole class, Zhang Jun was unable to excape. I often saw him with a few other mates going to look for Guan He, I often saw him volunteer to help Guan He do her duties and I often saw him and Guan He talking and laughing together. After carefully looking at Guan He then closely examining myself, I quietly shrank back into my shell.

—

Once, after maths tutoring, he asked me, "if a guy wanted to chase a girl, what should he give her? What do you girls usually like?"

I stared at him blankly, the heart in my chest hurt so much that it felt like it was going to coagulate, yet it continued to beat, peng peng, peng peng, peng peng....the sound grew larger and larger, as if it was going to jump out of my chest. However he wasn't able to hear any of it. He worriedly scratched his head and asked, "girls on television all like flowers, do you think giving flowers is good?"

I lowered my head, hugging my books, I left a "i don't know" then swiftly walked back to the class.

Not long later, I heard that Zhang Jun confessed to Guan He and Guan He politely rejected him. The girls in the class described it in vivid detail, it was as if they were there watching the whole thing. Guan He was described as a graceful swan, whereas Zhang Jun was said to have overestimated his abilities, although he wasn't as bad as a toad, but in the mouth the girls, Zhang Jun getting rejected was simply for granted.

I had not the slightest interest, my heart was filled with sorrow. I felt sorry for him and also felt sorry for myself. In that period of time, I was often in a daze in a corner of the game room. Thinking about Guan He's brilliance, I couldn't help but feel a lump in my throat. If she was the prettiest lotus flower in the lotus pond, then I was the little blade of grass that grew in the mud beside the pond, no matter how you compare, I didn't have one aspect that was ebtter than her.

Wu Zei was too used to me always having a book in hand. Nowadays, I unexpectedly didn't read anymore, that even Wu Zei was a little unused to it. He would ask me again and again, "Four Eyed Panda, what's wrong? Is it because you don't have any money left? Do you want brother to support you?"

I ignored him, he was joking carelessly like usual but this time, the blind cat actually caught the dead mouse, he shot right at the center of my pain, "Is the Four Eyed Panda developing feelings of love? Has the Four Eyed Panda fallen out of love?"

I grabbed my bag and ran out of the game room. It was only midyear, the sunlight was still dazzling bright, but what I thought was the start of my long vacation* was already over.
*[She made a reference to the Japanese drama 'Long Vacation' at the end of the Chapter 2 Part 1]

—

Tonight, the drizzle of rain swirled outside the window. Under the light, gently flipping through the classmate book, the appearances I thought I would never forget, have become fuzzy. The note I thought was thrown away long ago, was placed between the pages.

Tonight, the drizzle of rain swirled outside the window, exactly the same as that year when we waved and parted. The rain are all singing the same tune, the one we didn't understand that year. Hurriedly, too hurriedly.

—

There were many primary schools in the city. Our school only had 5 spaces for competing in the maths competition. Quite a few teachers had other thoughts about me and Zhang Jun occupying two of the spaces. For the sake of letting me and Zhang Jun join the competition, Teacher Gao carried a lot of pressure, she was pretty much using her career as stake. However, she kept telling us to try our best, the competition was only a learning process, getting an award wasn't important, as long as we felt that we gain something out of it.

Who would let their friends die!
*[Proverb: A true gentleman will sacrifice his life for a friend who understands him.]

I didn't mind being a bad student and didn't care whatsoever about that maths competition but I was very, very afraid of letting Teacher Gao down. I was even more afraid of allowing others to hurt Teacher Gao due to my incompetence so I was bursting with energy, thinking that I would only be able to repay Teacher Gao's kindness through getting an award.

A month before the competition, everyday, I had to study together with a boy who I liked, yet who didn't like me. Teacher Gao also required us to get to know each other well and try to open up as much as possible.

Not long ago, this was the sweetest thing to me but now, hopeless pain gnawed at my heart at all times. I gritted my teeth and tried hard to clearly listen to every word he spoke, telling myself that I must win that award!

Everyday, I studied like crazy and gave up everything else in my life. Every morning, when I opened my eyes, I thought of the maths competition. Every night, when I closed my eyes, I thought of the maths competition. In that period, I couldn't even dream peacefully, if my dreams weren't of the omnipresent maths questions, then they were about Zhang Jun and Guan He. In my dreams, they were always talking and laughing, whereas I was like trash and didn't usually appear.

On one hand, I was putting in all my efforts whereas on the other hand, I had no confidence in myself at all. I didn't know if I would be able to get an award and I dreamed for three days straight that I failed and the entire world laughed at Teacher Gao and I. I often woke up seized with terror. To me. this competition wasn't just a test, it contained my gratitude and it was a way to certify my strength, it was the end of the world if I didn't get an award. My pressure was hard to imagine for outsiders.

One day, I felt that I wasn't able to go on anymore so I ran to the game room. Wu Zei was looking after the store and Xiao Bo was playing games lifelessly, he was preparing for the high school entrance exam and clearly wasn't relaxed either.

Wu Zei laughed, "you two are sure like siblings, when you don't come, you both don't come, when you come, you both come."

I said to Wu Zei, "give me a bottle of beer, I don't have any money right now so I'll buy it on credit."

Wu Zei was dumbstruck for a moment then without saying anything, got a bottle of beer, pried open the cap and handed it to me. I took it over and drank a few large gulps. Xiao Bo called me over, "play games with me."

I walked over with the beer. He asked me to play with him but in actual fact, it was him teaching me to play. In the past, the games looked boring to me but today, they became a little interesting. I vent it all out by fiercely pounding the buttons, every time I killed a monster and saw the blood spurt out in the screen, I felt a little more relaxed. After playing a round, my heart which felt like exploding at any minute, relaxed. Xiao Bo took the rest of my beer and after drinking half the bottle in one gulp, he asked me, "what's wrong?"

I watched the game machine's flashing screen as I said out my fears, "I keep having nightmares that I'll fail my test."

"Dreams are opposites."

"Really?"

"Why would I lie to you? Dreams are opposites, the worse the dream, the better the reality will be!"

I was skeptical but my entire body was suddenly filled with fighting spirit. I clenched my fist, turned around and ran outside. Wu Zei called after me, "how come you're leaving after you just got here? You're not drinking any more beer?"

"I'm not drinking anymore, I'm going back to do maths questions."

"Don't forget to return the money."

—

After the competition ended, I walked out of the testing site with Zhang Jun. Teacher Gao didn't ask how the test went, she only asked to treat us to a meal. I wanted to reject but the invitation came from Teacher Gao so I couldn't not go. During the meal, thinking that I actually endured through it all, the suppressed breath I had in my chest disappeared and my brain became very heavy, suddenly I started having a nosebleed.

Flustered, Zhang Jun rolled up a paper napkin and handed it to me. I unexpectedly wasn't able to control myself and hit away his hand with force. The action was too outright, too intense, not just him, even Teacher Gao was stunned. I yet calmly stretched my head back, rolled up a paper napkin and stuffed it in my nose.

After the competition, I alienated Zhang Jun and deliberately avoided him.

Zhang Jun wasn't an idiot, he could definitely feel that I was ignoring him but he still often came to talk to me, occasionally after school, he would wait for me, wanting to walk with me but I always rejected him.

Zhang Jun's temper was of a boy, every time I ignored him, don't say comfort me, he wouldn't even say another word, he would angrily turn his head and leave. But not two days after, he would appear before me again and then angrily turn his head and leave.

After some time like this, Zhang Jun also started ignoring me and suddenly disappeared from my life. Everyday, he would come to class right as the bell rang and hurriedly leave after school. He rarely stayed in school. Sometimes, I would occasionally see him on the streets, he would always be hanging out with a group of students much older than us. Although we were in the same class, it seemed like we were in two different worlds.

Later, I heard that during the New Year festival, Zhang Jun pried open a store with two others and stole lots of cigarettes. After the situation was revealed, the parents gave the store owner lots of money and tried to cover up the event.

Zhang Jun still stuck to his old ways but the parents of the other two sternly warned them not to hang out with Zhang Jun anymore. Their parents thought that it was Zhang Jun who was a bad influence on their children. The situation spread through the parents and pretty much all the parents of the guys forbade them from playing with Zhang Jun.

Zhang Jun didn't know all this in the beginning and still ran to other people's houses to play. However, the parents who opened the door wouldn't even let him in. Afterwards, his best friend, Gao Feng told him the reason. After Zhang Jun understood what was going on, he immediately stopped playing with the students in our class and started to hang out with people in society who wouldn't turn their back on him.

I guess he definitely also thinks that it was due to this reason that I alienated him so he never came to find me again.

In the second half of our second term in Year 6 , the results from the maths competition came out. I was two points off the score for first division and received the prize for second division. Zhang Jun's score was lower than mine but he also came in second division. During the flag raising ceremony, the Principal announced our school's outstanding performance at the maths competition. He didn't mention Zhang Jun at all and only praised me.

My highly strung heart could finally be at peace. There were only five award winners in the entire city and our school had two. Teacher Gao had only just started working but she had already gained glory for the school and for the school which only looked at teaching achievements, these results were enough for the other teachers to have nothing to say.

Due to the maths competition, I gained my first certificate in my entire life. It was only a thin piece of colored paper with the words Luo Qi Qi gained second division in the Maths Competition in calligraphy but to me, this certificate even more precious than one written in gold.

After arriving home, I shyly showed the certificate to mom and dad. Dad stuck my certificate on to the wall while encouraging me to continue working hard. Little sister watched on the side, pouting. My heart continued much excitement and anticipation, I liked this dad, his eyes were focused on me the whole time. If possible, I wanted to bring home certificates every day for dad to stick.

At night when it was time to sleep, I was still staring at the certificate on the wall while secretly smiling with excitement.

The next day after I woke up, I found out the certificate had been scribbled on with a crayon by someone, crossing out my name and the second division.

I flew into range and without even bothering to dress, I barged into little sister's room, jumped onto her bed and started hitting her whilst sitting on her. She started loudly crying.

Mom and dad hastily rushed in and pulled me away. After understanding what had happened, they were both amused and angry about it.

Little sister hugged mom's neck wailing. Mom and dad didn't bear to blame her, dad said, "Qi Qi, isn't it just a certificate! Even if little sister was wrong, you can still nicely talk it out, why are you hitting her? Quickly get changed and prepare for school..."

I glared at them, it wasn't just a mere certificate! It wasn't just a mere piece of paper! But dad had already hurriedly rushed off to eat breakfast and mom was busy comforting little sister to get her to change clothes.

I slowly walked back to my room and tore down the certificate on the wall with force. I ripped it into shred and threw it in the rubbish bin. No one cares about it anyway, so why should I care?

I don't care, I don't care at all!

—

I've always been confused about the definition of childhood, before what age would you count as a child exactly? Later, I decided to differentiate based on whether or not you celebrate Children's Day. Our city held an arts show on June the 1st, Children's Day. Up to Year 6, June 1st was always a holiday, and students who could sing and dance participated in the show. Every Children's Day, the teacher would give everyone a pencil cased filled with hard gumdrops so whenever I thought back to Children's Day, I would remember the taste of the cheap gumdrops.

This was our last Children's Day. The middle school exam was gradually getting closer. After the exam, students with good results will advance to key middle schools whereas the ones with bad results will go to ordinary middle schools. With parting right in front of our eyes, sadness and fear filled the air of our class. However, I didn't have any feeling, instead, I checked the calender every day to see how many days left until graduating.

I was a child with no confidence, when faced with my pain and inferiority, the path I chose was to run away and hide, so I saw middle school as a brand new world where I could start all over.

The students all brought memory books* for each other to write in, it asked for your ideal future, what you wanted to do the most, the place you wanted to go the most, I generally wrote "none".
*[A book where you got your classmates to write their details and comments etc. when you graduate to remember them]

I bought a beautiful memory book but I didn't ask anyone to write in it. At the very, very last moment, I don't know what exactly my subconscious mind was thinking, but I actually asked Guan He to write in it. Guan He flipped open my memory book and laughed surprised, "I'm the first!"

I smiled and didn't say anything, she didn't know that she was also the last.

—

Finally, we were going a graduation ceremony!

Many students performed, there was singing and dancing. As it was close to graduation, the students went a bit overboard with their performances, a few guys wore track pants with narrow hems and large pant legs, and black leather gloves to break dance. The three mates who were close with Zhang Jun wore a white uniform that they borrowed somewhere to sing The Little Tiger's song, 'Love'.

My mind kept wandering off. The girls in the class were crying in a group and one of two of the guys were also using their red scarves to wipe tears. I felt very uncomfortable inside but my sadness was engraved in my heart and the tears wouldn't come out.

After the Principal and teachers finished speaking and distributed the graduation photos, the students left one after another. I still sat in my seat next to the window and looked outside, my mind wandering off. I always thought that I hated this school the most and couldn't wait to excape from it but unexpectedly, at the very last moment, I was reluctant to leave.

"Luo Qi Qi."

It was Zhang Jun's voice. I needed to prepare myself before I dared to turn around, "what is it?" He stood in front of me not speaking. The sky blue curtain behind him was rising and falling, like blue waves. The sun shone in from the large glass windows, reflecting on his white shirt to make it appear dazzling white. There were a few students talking on the podium and there were shouts of students mucking around in the corridor but all the sounds were blown away by the warm breeze of summer. It was as if I was in a different space with him, the stillness would make people afraid and uneasy.

My nose became oddly sour, I asked again, "what is it?"

He fixed his eyes on me and said, "there's something I want to tell you."

Under his focused gaze, I felt my heart beat faster and faster.

"Zhang Jun." Guan He and a girl from a different class called from the door.

Zhang Jun looked at them and suddenly became uncomfortable*, he took a big step back. I looked at him then looked at the lotus flower by the door, Guan He. I suddenly didn't want to listen to anything, I hurriedly stood up and walked out the classroom with my head down. When I passed by Guan He, she very politely gave me her best wishes, "I hope you successfully get into a key middle school."

I was impolite however, and walked off without a sound. Whether or not you were able to get into a key middle school depended on your own hard work, not someone else's well wishes. After walking out of the classroom, I started running, eagerly wanting to leave my unhappy childhood days behind me forever. The warm breeze of summer blew past my face, perhaps it really could blow a lot of things behind me, but in that cold wind, the youth rushing me forward was quietly still engraved deep in my heart.

In my eagerness to hide from the past and my longing to rush forward, I didn't even have the confidence to wave farewell, and like this, I hurriedly sent off my childhood years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End of Chapter 2

"Whereas that year, those words I had no time to say, you will never know about them,
They have been locked and cast to the bottom of the surging river of time. "

The Little Tigers performing a medley of their hit songs at the 2010 CCTV Spring Gala Festival: