In the third chapter of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, we are finally introduced to Guan Chao, our author's hilarious brother. Guan Chao injects a lot of humour into Joey's life, as he always takes every opportunity to rib her. In turn, Guan Chao gets ribbed a lot by Mr. F – the interactions between the two are hilarious to say the least – so at least Joey indirectly gets her revenge!

Chapter 3: The Daily Lives of the Hilariously Retarded Siblings

001

I have an older brother named Guan Chao who is one year older than me. Although we were born by the same set of parents, we do not resemble each other the slightest bit. Even when we were babies, he was always smarter than me. When I was still playing with wooden blocks, he played with the rheostat and the ammeter. When I was trying to commit the multiplication table to memory, he had already started to recite the Periodic Table. When he was discussing with the teacher whether the creation of a magnetic field by a moving charge violated the laws on conservation of energy, I was standing at the side, incapable of even understanding the symbols that they were talking about.

I frequently suspected that he had two brains – one of which was snatched from me.

When I was young, I often envied daughters who were the only child in the family. Guan Chao and I fought from young, and he never ever gave in to me. Last year, my cousin gave birth to her second child, resulting in the mild unhappiness of her elder son. At the baby shower, Guan Chao congratulated him with a wide grin on his face, "Congratulations! Now when you make mistakes, you have a ready made scapegoat for you!" It is pertinently obvious from this sentence how depressing my childhood was.

002

Guan Chao frequently bullied me when I was young; he refused to play with me, and even snatched my snacks. As I was much fatter than him then, I had an overwhelming advantage when it came to physical fights – if I wasn't able to snatch my snacks back, I would immediately resort to physical force. However, this ass was a terribly good actor. Before I could even raise my fist, the moment he say Mother walking past he would immediately fall onto the ground and grab hold of his head, wailing and crying out in pain. The entire process was as smooth as silk.

The result was: I received a good beating from my mum.

Of course, there were times when I was smart too. My mother taught us how to write, and before I could even learn how to write my own name, I learnt how to write his name. As such, I wrote on 'The Tomb of Guan Chao' on an ice cream stick, and stuck it into my family's flower pot.

The result is: I received another beating. There are many, various types of siblings – there is the type who love each other very much, there is the type that are extremely close, there is the type that cannot stand to look at each other. Guan Chao and I, on the other hand, belonged to the type that constantly fought ever since we were born.

Guan Chao's bitchy mouth is a natural, in-born talent which he cultivated ever since he was in my mother's womb. When I was young, I was a true blue fatty. During winter, my mother would worry about both me and Guan Chao feeling cold, and thus gave us a huge amount of clothes to wear. However, Guan Chao never seemed to appear fat no matter how many layers he wore, whereas I simply transformed into a round and fat ball.

Guan Chao commented worriedly, "What's going to happen when you're getting married in the future? Other brides wearing bridal gowns would look like princesses, whereas you would just look like a bun..." As a result, I frequently suffered from nightmares:- In my dreams, Tuxedo Mask would always be walking down the aisle with me, and we would always be saying our vows in the church. Just then, the Priest would inform the groom that he may kiss the bride.

Tuxedo Mask would slowly lift my veil, only to find a white Pork and Vegetable bun underneath....

After studying, I miraculously started to slim down, and have succeeded in maintaining a healthy weight level since then. Recently, I proudly took a photo and sent it to Guan Chao, "See, not even 90~"

He replied, "People whose weight do not exceed 100 are either flat or short, but you actually managed to be both~"

003

I started school early, so I was in the same grade as Guan Chao in Primary School and in Junior High. Guan Chao is extremely smart; even though he rarely paid attention in class, he was nevertheless always the first in class. Thus, I always thought Guan Chao was unbeatable – until we met Mr. F in High School.

Guan Chao and Mr. F appear to be like destined nemesis, with Mr. F always scoring slightly better than Guan Chao in every exam. Although Guan Chao appeared nonchalant on the surface, he was continuously troubled by it in his heart.

Once, Guan Chao decided to approach Mr. F at the basketball court. I was at the side ruffling through my bag, and overheard their conversation, which was as follows:

"Leaving?" (Obviously, despite having nothing to say he still wanted to make small talk)

Mr. F didn't reply him – rather, his whole face as filled with the expression "Who are you?"

"I'm Guan Chao from Class 9." (Reporting his credentials with a lot of confidence)

"Who?"

"You haven't heard of me?" (Extremely surprised)

Mr. F shook his head expressionlessly.

"We even attended Math Olympiad Training Class together, I was the Class Representative, have you forgotten?"

Mr. F remained expressionless.

"You really forgotten? Every time we have an exam I'm always seated right behind you (as our exam seating arrangements are arranged in accordance with our results). The first time we took our monthly assessment I scored five marks lesser than you, the second time it was eight marks, and the most recent time I nearly overtook you, with a mere difference of only one mark."

Mr. F continued looking at my brother innocently. In my opinion, he must have been trying to think of something to say so as to dissipate the awkwardness between the both of time, but the mission was clearly too difficult for him – despite deliberating over what to say for some time, he only managed one short sentence.

"Continue working hard."

Then, he took some books from me, waved his hands and left, leaving a dumbfounded Guan Chao behind.

004

When I was small, there was a journalist who came to my house for an interview. If I my memory serves me correctly, it was because Guan Chao had won some kind of prize.

I can still recall what the journalist was like; he was an awfully pretentious person – not only did he ask Guan Chao to massage Mum's back, he also asked Guan Chao to assist me with my homework assignments. Meanwhile, the journalist simply stood by the side, snapping his photos relentlessly.

What a joke, Guan Chao would never help me with my assignments! I'm the one responsible for helping him complete his assignments, okay?

Subsequently, the journalist requested to take photographs of Guan Chao's medals – maybe because he had assumed that a good student would always proudly display his medals on the wall. Unfortunately, our house genuinely had none on display – when Guan Chao brought back his medals, he just threw time to the side.

The most exciting part of the interview occurred when things were coming to a close. The journalist had inquired, "Could you share some of your studying experiences with the readers?"

Guan Chao mulled over the question, before finally answering, "I have none."

"Then why do you always perform so well?"

He answered straightaway without thinking, "Duh, because everyone else is too stupid."

005

Guan Chao was extremely conceited, and was always immersed in his fantasy of being the most handsome boy in the world – as a result, if a girl even takes a second look at him, he would think that the girl was interested in him. In his fantasy, everybody who looked at him would like him, and those who didn't look at him were simply too shy to look at him.

Ever since he was young, he had a fetish for fierce, older women. He used to secretly admire our distant cousin in the past. This older cousin was a beautiful gangster who quit High School before completing her studies. When people her age were constantly burying their heads in their books, she had already learnt how to put on make up and visit bars. Guan Chao was extremely entranced by her. He has told me on more than one occasion, "Only persons with big chests could be called women. But look at you!" He looked at me disparagingly from head to toe, "At the very most, you're just a person with female sex organs."

I was so angry I nearly vomited blood.

006

Mr. F rarely uses WeChat, and only updates his profile once in a blue moon. There was this one time he uploaded a photograph with the caption: Working overtime, busy.

Colleague A: Mr. F working overtime? Sister-in-law would be worried about you!

Reply to Colleague A: She's asleep.

Colleague B: You actually uploaded a photograph voluntarily!!

Reply to Colleague B: Yup.

Classmate C: Ah, you're utilizing your youth to work for a better tomorrow.

Reply to Classmate C: Nope.

Classmate D: You're the most promising person in our class. We're relying on you to bring honour and glory to our alma mater!

Reply to Classmate D: You're too courteous.

Guan Chao: Business trip?

Reply to Guan Chao: Yup.

Guan Chao: Where's my sister?

Reply to Guan Chao: Chiang Mai.

Guan Chao: You actually dare to let her go off and play by herself? Be careful, other people may abduct your wife.

Reply to Guan Chao: No worries.

Guan Chao: You spoil her too much, she'll take advantage of you in the future.

Reply to Guan Chao: She won't.

Guan Chao: Kao, can your reply contain more than just a few measly words?!

Reply to Guan Chao: Can't.

Guan Chao: Forget it, I'm coming to Beijing next month. Find some time, let's go out for drinks.

Reply to Guan Chao: Sure.

My reply to Guan Chao: Cool cool! I'll come and pick you up!! Call me when you guys head out for drinks!!

Reply to me: Why aren't you asleep yet?

Me: I can't sleep, I've been lying on the bed for two hours already. I want to purchase sleeping pills but I'm not sure where the pharmacy is.

Reply to Me: Do not take any pills. Call for room service and get a cup of warm milk. Drink the milk and lie down on the bed. Off your phone, I'll call you after twenty minutes to do a spot check.

Guan Chao: F***!! What kind of damn discrimination is this!!

We continue with I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You with Joey telling us more information about Guan Chao. Although their relationship continues to appear as a love-hate relationship, do not be mistaken for the two are very close, and will stick with each other when times are bad. It is especially heartwarming to read a very touching scene between the two siblings at the end of this chapter after having read how they hilariously fought, squabbled and ribbed each other. Now, having introduced her brother, the next chapter will be once again focused on Mr. F and Joey, so stay tuned!

007

I told Guan Chao that I felt that Mr. F had changed.

"How so?"

"When I was young, he was extremely good to me – he helped me copy my homework, brought me cake, when I fell asleep in class he helped me not to get caught by the teacher, and whenever I got bullied he would always be the first to stand up for me. But now, he just thinks of new ways everyday to bully me, tease me, and use his high IQ to oppress me! I'm not as smart as him, so I can't win any arguments, and I don't even earn as much as him. Even if he brings a young and beautiful lady home, I won't be able to outfox her and can only pack my luggage and come back to mum's home."

Guan Chao interrupted me, "That would never happen."

"Don't comfort me, the current situation is very severe."

"What I meant was, mum and I would never agree to keep you."

I was so angry I went to tattle to my mother, and confirmed whether Guan Chao was truly my real brother, and that I wasn't a baby that was given for free when she was topping up her pre-paid mobile card?

My mother thought about it extremely seriously, and said, "Your situation... is actually more akin to buy one get one free."

008

I was quarrelling with Mr. F – although I forgot what we were quarreling about at that point in time – and I confided in Guan Chao.

He was delighting in my misery at the other end of the phone, "I told you not to get married so early, but you insisted! If you two had broken up before marriage, you would still have been a cute and innocent young lady who just experienced a break up; but if you two break up now, you'd just be an old divorced woman."

I was so scared I immediately returned home and made up with Mr. F.

Guan Chao was extremely proud of himself, claiming that he had special techniques and powers.

009

When I was in Primary School, the Water Margin Heroes cards were the rage. People born in 1990 ought to remember this, because everybody was collecting these cards. At that time, Guan Chao and I both didn't have much allowance. However, Guan Chao's memory was incredible – it was as though he could memorize something at first glance – as such, having read The Water Margin once, he was able to retell the story to the students in school the very next day. For every story that he told, he managed to obtain a Water Margin Hero card in exchange, until he gradually assembled the whole set of 108 cards.

Subsequently, I found this set of cards under my bed. I gave a call to Guan Chao, and Guan Chao sighed, reminiscing that the cards were a huge part of his childhood.

Guan Chao: "Do you know why I did what I did then?"

Me: "Wasn't it because you wanted to showcase your shocking memory skills?"

"No, it wasn't. Do you remember at that time you liked Lin Chong, but in our entire class only Cheng Jia Jia had that card? Even though you asked her to let you take one glance at the card, she adamantly refused and asked you to purchase your own card. I was quite upset, but I had no money, so I could only resort to this method."

I was extremely touched, and immediately promised to buy the keyboard that he had been admiring for the longest period of time.

At night I told Mr. F this incident with tears in my eyes, and whilst recounting the story I suddenly slapped my thigh, "Shit! I've been had!"

Mr. F raised his head and asked me why. I grit my teeth in anger, "I just remembered, Cheng Jia Jia transferred out in Primary Two!"

The Water Margin Heroes cards had only started trending in Primary Four!

010

Once, when Guan Chao was accompanying me during shopping, I saw a cup I really liked, with a price tag of 35RMB for one. I tried to bargain, "Boss could you give it to me cheaper? How about 80RMB for two?"

The boss laughed heartily, "Little lady, you even helped me to increase the price."

I realized my mistake, "Oh oh, I calculated wrongly."

Guan Chao then interjected, "I'm sorry, my sister had an operation to remove her appendix when she was ten years old."

The Boss asked what relation this piece of information had with the cup.

"The Doctor also removed her brain by accident." He slowly replied.

...

That night, I complained to Mr. F, pleading, "Emperor, you must obtain justice for your humble consort."

Mr. F replied, "Okay, I, the Emperor, will help you bully him in return."

That night, two of that shut the doors of the study room and played a night of XBOX.

The next morning, Guan Chao appeared before me with bloodshot eyes, and sighed, "Your husband tyrannically oppressed me for one whole night."

Although what he said wasn't inaccurate, why does it nevertheless sound so odd?

011

On the 30th December, I went to the airport to pick him up.

After one year of having not seen him, Mr. Guan Chao was still as good looking as ever. With his sunglasses, he confidently strode ahead whilst I jogged behind him, dragging the luggage.

On the car, I said, "You're not even going to hug your real sister? In order to come and pick you up, I've been up since 6 this morning!"

Guan Chao: "Why should I hug you? Unless you're offering to pay for my airplane ticket."

Me: "Get lost!"

When we reached home, he lay on the chair and starting shouting at the top his lungs, "Mum, I'm hungry!"

I slapped him on the head, "If you want to eat, go and cook something yourself."

My mother was in the kitchen, and replied that lunch was soon to be ready. I started shouting at the top of my lungs as well, "Mum you're biased!! Ever since we were young you always condone his nonsensical behaviour!"

"If you're so great, you can always choose not to eat."

"Pei! The person who only comes home on 30th December has no ability to say this to me."

"Then why would the person who doesn't bother calling home for one entire month have the ability?" As the new year was approaching, I was extremely busy and kept forgetting to call my mum to update her. This person is always so updated with the recent news.

My mum brought the dishes out, smiling, "Don't bully your sister."

I immediately started complaining, "He just has a nasty mouth!"

He crawled up immediately, and said in an extremely serious tone, "Mum, if you can put up with an unfilial daughter, why can't you put up with a son with a nasty mouth?"

My mother's destiny appears to be quite depressing....

012

Once we went to Lao Feng Xiang to buy bracelets for my mother and my grandmother, and the two that we selected weren't cheap. Whilst paying for the bracelets, I suddenly remembered that Mr. F's niece was about to celebrate her 100th day birthday, and thus I bought a longevity lock for her.

I instantly felt my wallet become much lighter. Thus, I told my brother in a pitiful tone, "Brother, can we split the cost for mother's bracelet?"

"You're still not awake?"

"Are you truly my real brother?"

"No, you were picked up from the dump, but we were afraid that you would feel inferior so we never told you so." He spouted rubbish in a righteous tone.

"Pei, you were a free gift that was given when mother was topping up her pre-paid mobile card."

"You're the worst prize that is given when one wins the lottery."

"You're the free gift that comes along with the purchase of toothbrushes."

The cashier laughed aloud, "You guys have such a good relationship."

"Who has a good relationship with him/her?!" Both of us shouted out unanimously.

013

When I was in Primary Six, I contracted a very strange type of illness, called scoliosis,. Normally, the average person's spinal cord would be straight; however, my spinal cord was most unfortunately shaped like an S. It was a sudden illness, and till today we haven't discovered the cause of the illness.

Although I am able to now talk about this incident with a smile on my face, I felt a total loss of hope at that point in time. Because I was sick, my whole body became extremely contorted, and my heart was constantly squashed – I may even have had been paralyzed should the illness continue to worsen.

However, we would be required to fork out a lot of money in order to undergo the operation, and my family wasn't able to fork out that type of money.

During that period of time, I remember hiding in my blanket everyday and sobbing, while being extremely careful not to generate too much noise. After crying, I would then get up the next day and continue my cheerful pretense and acted without a care, as I was afraid that my mother would feel sad and guilty – she was already blaming herself for my plight.

I experienced insomnia every night, and my thoughts were all centered around the idea of suicide. One night, Guan Chao suddenly crawled onto my bed, and told me very seriously, "Do you know, committing suicide by jumping from a high-rise building would not result in instant death unless your head is positioned downwards and your brain matter successfully explodes out? Instead, many people simply experience a mere breaking of bones and injury to their internal organs – and are thus left to struggle on the floor for a long period of time while being forced to look at their life bleed away before they actually die."

He then continued on the whole night, talking about the problems with drowning to death, slitting my wrist to death, and hanging to death...

As a result, I chose to bear the extreme mental and physical stress that resulted from my illness for two years. I only managed to successfully lie on the operating table after my mother scraped enough money together by borrowing from all sorts of people.

I heaved a sigh of relief, without knowing that the operation actually entailed a huge amount of risk; the doctor even said that there was a distinct possibility that I would have died on the operating table. My mother had signed the operation agreement with tears flowing down her cheeks.

After my operation, I stayed in ICU for 8 hours. Guan Chao subsequently said that those 8 hours were the hardest 8 hours he had to endure in his entire life. Whilst standing in the hospital corridor, he thought very seriously – if I had not been able to come out of the operation alive, he would change his name to mine and continue living my life for me.

Luckily, the operation was very successful, and I am still able to jump and run today.

There was a minor incident that I remember very clearly. In order to drain the dirty blood that was left subsequent to the operation, the doctor inserted a 30cm long tube next to my spinal cord, only to be removed ten days after the operation ended.

As I have always been able to tolerate pain, I simply grit my teeth and endured the pain when the tube was removed. I was able to feel the tube rubbing against my bone as it was removed inch by inch; it was so painful that my entire body was shuddering in pain. Guan Chao stood by my side and held my hand. After ten minutes, the entire tube was finally removed. As Guan Chao was still holding my hand, I asked him to loosen his grip to no avail. I then raised my head, and the very first thought that flashed through my mind was that I must have seen wrongly.

He was crying.

His head was lowered, and his shoulders were heaving as he cried silently. His hands continued to hold mine as he refused to let go.

Subsequently, I mocked him over this incident – I said that he was too embarrassing as he was crying in front so many people.

I thought he would retort nastily as per usual, so it was to my surprise that he said, "Well, who asked my sister to insist on putting up a brave front? As a brother I'm unable to help her with anything, so the only option I have left is to help her to cry."

Despite being able to endure the huge amounts of pain without dropping a single tear, tears started to form in my eyes because of that single reply.

In this Chapter of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, we learn about the reason why Joey and Mr. F lost contact for a grand total of four years before reuniting – the root cause was because she had rejected his confession. Here, we learn a little bit more about Joey's insecurities and fears when she was younger, and how she gradually learnt grew out of them and learnt to value and treasure the person in front of her, whom she loves. This Chapter is slightly special as it's not split into different varying scenes, but I decided to split it up anyway for easier translation and reading.

001

The summer after we finished our High School Graduation Examinations was the most difficult summer I experienced in my life. Mr. F had gone to England to study, and the two of us began a cold war that lasted for four years. The reason for the cold war is rather hilarious – he confessed to me, but I rejected him. Actually, it couldn't really be considered a confession; as Mr. F was rather proud and somewhat introverted, his confession was also expressed in a rather roundabout manner.

I was in a foul mood when I arrived the farewell dinner organized by the class, as I had just learnt that Mr. F was about to fly to England for further studies. What's worse was that I had learnt it from others, as he never mentioned a single word to me beforehand. A few male students were ribbing each other, declaring that the first thing they were going to do upon commencing university is to get themselves a girlfriend, and that they must have had experienced first love by the end of their first year. Our retarded class representative even set up an instant club named "Yet to Experience First Love Squad", and Mr. F had been listed as one of its members.

In the end, Mr. F calmly said, "I already have a first love."

Mr. F was staring at me when he said this, so everybody started to tease the both of us. Ultimately, however, everyone quieted down and began to glance at me, as I was still frozen at that spot.

I felt extremely infuriated at that point in time – he was about to leave anyway, so there was absolutely no meaning in saying such things at this point in time! Or did he think that teasing me was a fun thing to do? I replied him coldly, "First love is something that can only be experienced by two willing parties."

This is probably the sentence that I regret saying the most in my entire life.

He stared at me for a few seconds before lowering his head and remaining silent. Subsequently, somebody changed the topic and everybody intentionally ignored the awkward situation that had just happened. When the dinner ended, everybody returned to their respective homes. Somehow, only the both of us were left, so he accompanied me to flag a taxi by the roadside. I could feel his anger, and so when the taxi arrived, I intentionally told him in a casual manner, "Let's stay in touch when you reach there."

He replied expressionlessly, "I won't contact you again."

He was a man true to his word. During the subsequent four years, he never took the initiative to contact me, and never even replied the voice messages which I had left for him.

I know a lot of people are unable to understand why I rejected him. I thought about this issue very seriously before, and initially I thought that I was simply angry – angry that he was leaving to such a faraway place, and yet he couldn't even break the news to me personally.

But even if he hadn't left, and he had stayed, would I have accepted his confession?

Somehow, I don't think I would have accepted him either.

Having met someone I really liked, I was extremely careful not to get too close to him; I'm not sure what kind of mindset this is, and I don't really understand it either. Subsequently, I watched a movie where a male student asked his teacher, "Why do we always fall in love with the people who never ever care about us?"

His teacher had replied then, "Because we always feel that we don't deserve someone who loves us better."

I was suddenly enlightened. Yes, I felt that I wasn't worthy of his love.

I was someone who suffered from a very strong inferiority complex. When I was young, the adults often compared my older brother and I. Guan Chao was extremely smart, and I couldn't outperform him no matter how hard I tried. When I grew slightly older, I suffered from a sudden illness. During that period of time, I constantly felt like a burden to the family, and that the future seemed extremely bleak and hopeless. During puberty when I became more obedient, I started to realize that my family was different from other families – my single parent family background made me cowardly and sensitive.

There was once I went to Mr. F's house to play. It was then that I completely understood how one could feel utterly embarrassed from comparisons.

It wasn't that his family's economic conditions were mindblowing; rather, it was the warm family atmosphere that made me envious. It was open and warm, and his parents were extremely loving. I remember his house having an extremely huge full length window which allowed his house to be clothed in brightness. At that time, I thought that a child who grew up in this type of family would be extremely open with nothing to hide.

That was probably the first time he brought a female friend back home. His mother was extremely friendly to me, and asked me about my family conditions at the dining table, and what my parents did for a living. It was a truly innocuous question, but it made me feel extremely embarrassed, like never before.

I don't recall how I answered the question then, perhaps I simply gave an extremely dubious answer in my fluster.

Before I left his home, his mother gave me a can of her home-made rose biscuits, and even nicely invited me to come visit in the future.

I smiled and agreed while nodding my head, but I knew that I would never return again.

I really liked his home, I really liked that full length window, and I really liked his mother. But I would never return again, because I couldn't lift my head out of shame.

Yes, the world's dirtiest thing is none other that one's pride.

My youth was exactly like this – plagued with feelings of inferiority, sensitivity and awkwardness.

We continue with Chapter 4 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You to arrive at one of my favourite scenes in the book – where Mr. F has sufficiently matured after four years at University to learn how to put aside his pride even in the face of Joey's rejection. Four years ago, when Joey rejected him, he broke off all contact with Joey. Four years later, when he thought that Joey was going to try and pursue another guy, he told her to go (albeit quite rudely), and to return whenever she's tired. What a sweet, sweet Mr. F.

For a long period of time, even I was unable to understand why he would ever like someone like me.

We simply remained at status quo and refused to contact one another. Subsequently, after graduating from my university, I started working in Changsha. During the 60th anniversary of my alma mater, I returned to my hometown to attend a gathering organized by my high school schoolmates. It was then that I knew Mr. F had returned.

The class representative gave him a call, saying "We're currently at XX KTV, are you coming?" I had a gut feeling that he would come – and, as predicted, the class representative really went to pick Mr. F up shortly after.

I was terribly nervous, and couldn't sit still. In the end, I cowardly ran to the toilet to hide.

I dawdled in the toilet for over ten minutes, trying to prepare and comfort myself mentally. Afterwards, I preened myself, arranged my hair properly, took a deep breath, and stepped out.

In the crowd, my eyes found him instantly.

It was rather strange. I haven't seen him for four years, the lighting in the KTV room was so dim, there were so many people, and he wasn't even sitting in the center – but despite all these, the moment I entered the room, my eyes singled him out immediately.

He cut his hair short, and wore a black sweater which I had never seen before. He was much skinnier, and much more mature.

He raised his head, our eyes meeting for a few seconds before he shifted his gaze away. Clearly, he had absolutely no intention of acknowledging me.

Because there were no empty seats, I was forced to sit next to the song selection machine. As such, I lowered my head and pretended that I was extremely busy selecting songs. Mr. F was seated two persons away from me.

Ever since he appeared, I had no idea where to put my hands or my legs, my heart was extremely confused and I was at a loss as to what to do. I wanted to find something for myself to do, to act as though I wasn't particularly concerned about his existence. Just then, I spotted a can of cola on the table, and grabbed it as though it was my saviour. I tried to open it twice, but I wasn't able to. As a result, I returned the cola to the table out of embarrassment.

Who would have known that the moment I placed the cola can down, that can of cola would be picked up and easily opened by another person?

It was Mr. F.

Whilst he was opening the can of cola with a completely natural expression and placing it in front of me, he was simultaneously conversing with the people next to him – he didn't even look at me once during the entire process.

All of a sudden, I felt like crying.

Come to think of it, when I decided to break off our friendship I didn't quarrel with him, and when we amended our relationship I didn't cry. When we decided to be together he didn't confess too me, and when we decided to marry he didn't officially propose to me– everything just happened naturally on its own accord... It was as though both of us knew that these events would happen, and that both of us were simply waiting for the right time to arrive.

Our relationship became slightly warmer after that, and there were signs that our relationship was returning back to normal. He went to Beijing to work, whilst I stayed in Changsha. Once, when he was in Changsha for business, I invited him out for a meal.

That day I came out from my office, and saw him in the distance with a black coat. He was standing alone under the lamp, smoking. The wind swept down the street. His brows were furrowed, and he was deep in thought. The blinding neon lights shone on him, emphasizing his loneliness in the night.

I only learnt much later that he was experiencing an extremely rough patch in his life at that point in time, and that he had never felt so desperate and hopeless before. His superior had made him a scapegoat, causing him to lose his job while incurring huge amounts of debt. He frequently suffered from insomnia, and constantly overworked himself in an attempt to distract himself from all his troubles. He could only bury all his bitterness at the bottom of his heart; he had nobody to confide in, neither did he wish to confide in anybody.

At that moment, my heart ached for him. I felt that he was shouldering an extremely huge and heavy burden. I had never ever helped him with anything in his life, and I didn't even know that he had picked up the habit of smoking.

I circled round to his back and tapped him on the shoulder. The moment he saw me, his furrowed brows smoothened immediately. He looked extremely happy, and quickly stubbed his cigarette.

We talked a lot that night – mostly about our memories and our work, whilst we carefully avoided the topic of our relationships.

"I'm still young, so I want to go and explore the greater world out there."

"Stop kidding." He chided me.

I had no other alternative but to tell the truth, "When I was studying, there was an extremely good boy who liked me. I think that one should not be too selfish when living one's life – since he has already completed 99 steps for me, at the very least, I should take one step for him."

He asked bluntly, "Would you die without this guy?"

"Of course it won't be so extreme, but I will most definitely have regrets. Having grown so old, this is the first time I actually feel that there is someone who is worthy of me trying my hardest to cherish and to treasure. I don't want to lose him again."

He stopped speaking, instead lowering his head and smoking his cigarette. I remember him waving at me in the room filled with white smoke, saying, "Get lost – come back when you regret your decision."

Thus, I dragged my luggage and "got lost" to Beijing – and I haven't regretted my decision since then.

Over the past few years, I had changed tremendously – I gradually became a happier, more confident, and more interesting person. When I was still a student, I wasn't how I am now. At that time, I was extremely unnoticeable– I was forever dressed in an oversized school uniform, and always wore my thick spectacles. I tied my hair into a ponytail everyday, and small actions such as letting my hair down or raising my hand to raise questions required great amounts of courage from me.

Subsequently, after I left my home to enroll in the university from other provinces, I got to know a bunch of extremely close friends, all of whom were very bright and colorful. When I entered the workforce, I came into contact with people from all walks of life. It was only then that I finally managed to abandon the inferiority complex that I had since my youth and gradually started to mature into a person capable of taking care of myself. People often say that growing up is a cruel process. I beg to differ. I feel that the process of growing up is the most beautiful and wondrous thing in the world – we always feel as though there's hope, and we are not afraid to fail. All these beautiful sceneries can only be seen after one grows up.

During the period of time when Mr. F wasn't by my side, I managed to understand one thing –

The question, really, wasn't why he loved me; rather, the question was, whether I was someone who was worthy of his love.

I am in total agreement with Lin Xi's viewpoint; when you like somebody, it's as though you like Mount Fuji. You can look at it, but you cannot force it to move. The one and only thing that you can do, is to walk over there, and try to keep the one you love by your side.

I took many, many years to understand this principle. Luckily, the person whom I thought would never forgive me in this lifetime has always remained rooted in his original spot, patiently waiting for me to understand.

That is why, meeting Mr. F is the luckiest thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.

Once, when I was extremely childish and irrational, I told him to leave, and that he could definitely find someone better.

At that time, his reply left an extremely deep impression on me. He said, "I never ever wanted 'someone better', I just want the person standing right in front of me. When will you ever understand this?"

Yes, I understand now. Thank you for not leaving me behind, thank you for having sufficient patience to slowly wait for a little girl to grow older and mature.

The moon at the bottom of the sea is the moon hanging in the sky; and the person before me is the one I love.

In Chapter 5 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, we are introduced to a new character – Hao Wu Yi, who has been Joey's best friend since High School. Hao Wu Yi appears to be a rather good natured and happy-go-lucky girl, who treats Joey with nothing but loyalty and kindness in the incidents that Joey recounts. Similarly, Joey is able to courageously stand up for her friend in times when her friend is in need. Perhaps there is some truth in the saying 'Birds of the same feather flock together'.

001

Hao Wu Yi is my best friend, my High School classmate. She was born on May (Wu) 1st(Yi); those who knew about the origin of her name always said that her parents were too easygoing about her name. Hao Wu Yi would sigh, before giving thanks that she wasn't born on March (San) 3rd (Ba).

(T/N: This was because san ba in Chinese translated into 'bitch' in English.)

According to various rumours, when Hao Wu Yi was young, she suffered from a huge bout of illness, and hovered near the brink of death. As a result, her parents didn't impose any expectations on her in relation to her studies – they were satisfied as long as long as she could run and jump about like a healthy kid. Hao Wu Yi lived up to her parents' expectations, never ever falling out of the bottom three places in all the big exams and small tests she sat for.

Her father wasn't anxious, and always assured her that everything would be alright. He promised her that when the time came, he would pay 'school fees' that enabled her to enter X High School. During our era, all the children would have heard of the following saying: 'Entering into X High School is equivalent to having one foot into the huge universities.' Despite that saying, we subsequently found out that our admission into the universities had not much relation with this 'foot' we had by virtue of being in X High School.

Hao Wu Yi thus let loose and daringly played for the three entire years in Junior High. However, during the year when we were due to take our graduating exams, there was a sudden amendment in the policies made by the Ministry of Education – 'school fees' were no longer allowed, and admission into schools would be purely based on the grades that we scored. Her entire family was stupefied – her dad was unable to discover any solution despite asking all his friends and networking acquaintances. It was only when our Principal changed the name of the funds from 'school fees' to 'construction fees' that Hao Wu Yi managed to enter into X High School.

002

I was extremely stressed when I first entered school. When I was in Junior High, I could still manage to squeeze into the Top 10 – however, when I came to High School, I realized that there would always be people better than me. A simple glance around the school compound yielded geniuses everywhere. I couldn't even bear to compare my trashy results with theirs.

Thus, I was extremely good to Hao Wu Yi. I helped her buy her breakfast, accompanied her when she did her cleanup duty, and when we ate together I always gave her my meat so that she would be able to feel the love between classmates. Till today, whenever she reminisces about these incidents, tears would always fill her eyes. I simply don't have the heart to tell her that all my actions were motivated by my fear of her transferring out of school – with her around, I would never be at the bottom of the class.

Once, when we were taking our Mathematics exam, I had absolutely no confidence. Hao Wu Yi was seated right behind me, and when she handed in her paper, I was extremely shocked – she had answered the difficult questions with an entire page of scribbles! My vision turned black momentarily and I thought in my heart that I was dead – I'm going to be the top from the bottom this time round!

After class, Mr. F helped the teacher to mark the Mathematics Paper. When he returned he comforted me, "Don't worry, you scored slightly better than her."

I told him not to comfort me – I saw that her answer sheet was full of her scribbles.

Mr. F was at a loss for words, "She didn't even answer a single question – she simply copied each question five times."

003

Hao Wu Yi and I each have a strange hobby – I liked to collect pretty wrapping papers whilst she liked to collect beautiful notebooks. Every term when school reopened, she would prepare 5 or 6 new notebooks and carefully write on each notebook "Language Notes", "Mathematics Notes", "English Notes" and so on. However, after diligently taking notes for five pages, she would inevitably give up and use the remaining pages to play backgammon.

We used to pass notes around whilst we were in class and exchange all sorts of gossip. Generally, people often used scrap paper to write down these notes. Only Hao Wu Yi would specially prepare a "Gossip Notebook" specifically used to pass notes around.

Thus, this notebook became a compilation of all the gossip in our class, and contains meticulous records on who was in a relationship with who, who broke up with who, and who was the third party in whose relationship...

Subsequently, this notebook was unfortunately confiscated by our form teacher. All the secrets in our class thus lay exposed to our form teacher, and everybody wanted to strangle Hao Wu Yi to death.

004

There was a period of time when it was very trendy to wear Nike sneakers to class, especially the Nike Air Force One Model, which costs about 400 dollars. It was during these periods of time when I'd be especially regretful of the fact that I wasn't an only child, and that my mum's budget was limited. I knew that my mum had a very difficult time trying to earn money – and since Guan Chao had managed to sweet-talk my mum into buying him a pair, I couldn't bear to ask for another pair.

I would be lying if I said I didn't mind. Youths aged sixteen to seventeen have an extremely strong sense of vanity – when I saw that other people were wearing branded shoes whilst I was only wearing random shoes that cost ten dollars, I felt a sense of embarrassment when I was talking to others.

One day, when we were having physical education lessons, the female students gathered around to chat during free time. Gradually, the topic shifted to the recent Nike shoes that had just been released, and they discovered that almost the entire class was wearing Nike or Adidas shoes. Just then, a female student suddenly spoke up, saying that no, Joey isn't wearing Nike or Adidas.

Another person that pointed to my shoes and asked, "What brand are those?"

At that moment, I felt as though I had been caught red-handed when trying to commit a bad act. My entire face flushed red and I was at a loss for words.

Hao Wu Yi, who was standing by my side, had just returned from purchasing a popsicle. She broke off half of it and handed it to me, then sat herself down and said loudly, "My mum said that Nike shoes are crazily expensive for its lousy quality, and is specifically marketed to cheat people like me with no concept of money."

Her speech left everyone feeing awkward.

After that, Hao Wu Yi rarely wore Nike shoes, instead choosing to wear random shoes like me.

One year, when Hao Wu Yi was celebrating her birthday, I gifted her with a pair of shoes. I drank too much that night, and confessed to her that I always remembered that she had helped me to resolve the awkward situation that year.

She opened her eyes widely, clearly having forgotten what happened then, "Did such a thing really happen? How come I don't recall even the slightest bit of it? Oh right! My mum did scold me before for having no concept of money – this is something that I remember extremely clearly."

There are people in the world who are filled with evil intentions and hostility; this is only because they have never ever been treated gently by people in their lives. I believe that I am able to retain my gentle nature only because I met kind and beautiful people when I was young.

005

Our school had two sets of uniform – a blue set and a red set. Once, a high ranking official from the Ministry of Education was due for a visit. Thus, the form teacher thus kept stressing that everybody had to don the red uniform. I'm not terribly clear on whether Hao Wu Yi simply hadn't listened or she had merely forgotten – but when Monday rolled around, the whole school was dressed in the bright red uniform. Only she alone donned the blue uniform, looking terribly conspicuous in the queue.

Our form teacher was so angry that she rebuked Hao Wu Yi loudly in the corridor, "It's all because of you that our school is unable to obtain an excellent grade! You're just like mouse shit, spoiling the whole bowl of soup! This is going to be recorded as a big fault..."

No matter how open and carefree Hao Wu Yi was, she was still a girl. After getting scolded in front of so many people, she could only lower her head in an attempt to repress her tears. I wanted to comfort her, but I hesitated as we had a huge fight a few days ago. Although I don't recall what we fought about, I remember that the sorrow that I felt when I ended my friendship with my best friend – it was as though I had broke up with my boyfriend.

That day, after we finished our first lesson, we received a sudden notice to assemble below the block. Everybody guessed that we were going to receive a lecture from the principle because of the school uniform. Hao Wu Yi was so scared that her face turned white. The form teacher starting rushing everyone to assemble below the block, leaving me alone in the classroom. At that moment, I made a decision – for my friend, I'm going to suffer the punishment together with her.

I changed into the blue school uniform and walked into the queue. Mr. F was terribly surprised, because the uniform I was wearing was his. He frequently left his blue school uniform under his desk as he was too lazy to bring it home.

When Hao Wu Yi saw me, she was momentarily stunned before bursting into tears, her cries ringing out extremely loudly. The moment I saw her cry, I too, burst into tears. Perhaps I was scared that my actions would really be recorded as a big fault. If this was a movie, and the camera was capturing the scene from above, one would be able to see two small blue dots facing each other and crying aloud in a sea of red, as though the two blue dots were crazy. Even the principal who had stepped onto the podium stopped his lecture, and stared at us in surprise.

Of course, neither of us really received a big fault. Both of us were simply assigned to do clean up duty for a month. Hao Wu Yi told me that having grown so old, that was the single most embarrassing incident in her entire life – but because of me, her memory of that incident became an extremely warm one. At that time, she felt that we would always remain friends forever.

006

Hao Wu Yi was extremely gifted in certain subjects but terrible at others. Her combined scores for Mathematics, Chemistry and Physics could not even exceed the score she received for a single subject – Language. When we about to promote to Year 2 of high school, the school wanted to stream us into different classes in accordance with our varying standards, so Hao Wu Yi started becoming anxious.

Mr. F was a obedient child, and had to return home before his curfew. Thus, I had no choice but to drag Guan Chao to help tutor Hao Wu Y, and that's when my nightmare began...

Usually, tuition went like this:

Guan Chao threw out a single question.

Hao Wu Yi would still be trying to process the question, when Guan Chao had already scribbled down the answer in a few quick strokes.

Hao Wu Yi: "What are you writing? I don't understand your solution a single bit."

Guan Chao: "What? You can't even understand this?! I already wrote it out in great detail."

I stretched my head over to glimpse at the answer sheet – Kao, even though one would require five steps to arrive at the answer, the great Guan Chao went directly from the first step to the last, happily skipping all the intermediate steps in between. As such, it was impossible to understand how he arrived at his answer.

Subsequently, we concluded that Guan Chao had his own unique train of thought: one that only he could understand, and one that we are unable to critique – because if we made even the slightest comment about his train of thought, he would angrily slam the table and leave, but not before scolding us for being extremely stupid. Usually, when I encountered such a situation I'd just shut up. According to my previous experience, quarrelling with him was a waste of energy and time, and the chances of winning is abysmally low. But Hao Wu Yi was different. Hao Wu Yi would never admit defeat. Instead, she would jump up like a raging bull. The two of them would then proceed to quarrel ferociously and sling personal insults at each other. Just when I thought they'd sever all relations with each other, the two of them would return to their seats, with one person focused on copying and the other focused on explaining how he arrived at the answer from the first step.

I suppose this is a rather unique manner of getting along with each other.

In the second half of Chapter 5 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, we witness even more hijinks between Hao Wu Yi and Joey. This Chapter slowly transits from the times Hao Wu Yi and Joey spent in school to other interesting episodes in the present day and age. As their friendship continues to withstand the test of time, Joey concludes with a sweet, thoughtful note; just as how they fan over handsome actors right now, she hopes that in the future, when they become weak and old grannies, Hao Wu Yi would still remain by her side, fanning over young and handsome boys – because she is her dearest, dearest Hao Wu Yi.

007

Since Guan Chao grew up together with me, he does not have an appreciation of gender differences. Once, Mr. F, Hao Wu Yi, Guan Chao and I were strolling home together. Mr. F and I were way ahead, Guan Chao hovered in the middle whilst Hao Wu Yi lingered behind. All of a sudden Hao Wu Yi stopped and hollered for me.

"Joey, did you bring that thing?"

"What?"

She mouthed something at me.

I was befuddled.

Guan Chao said, "Sanitary pad."

"What?" I didn't manage to catch what Guan Chao was saying.

"Hao Wu Yi is asking, whether you have any sanitary pads on you! Her period is here!" Guan Chao's voice rang out brightly.

Hao Wu Yi froze instantly. Even the ten-thousand-years-iceberg-face Mr. F blushed...

008

Hao Wu Yi had a childhood sweetheart. As he was four years older than her, he was studying in university when we were in high school. Their parents were very close, sometimes even directly referring to each other as in-laws. Because she was frequently spoilt by her boyfriend, Hao Wu Yi had always been a carefree and joyful girl. However, when we were in Year 1 of high school, her boyfriend suddenly requested to break up.

Hao Wu Yi was devastated, and lost a great amount of weight. After being extremely listless for half a month, she called me one night, saying that she was determined to have a proper talk with her ex-boyfriend the next day. Finally, she asked me secretively, "Do you know how to apply makeup?"

Of course I didn't know how to, and asked her why she wanted to apply makeup.

She replied, "Because I want to appear in front of him looking my best."

As a result, the next day Hao Wu Yi stole her mum's makeup pouch and came to my house. After spending an entire afternoon experimenting with the makeup set, we finally managed to apply some make up on Hao Wu Yi which we personally thought was extremely beautiful but was extremely ugly in actuality. I praised her as being China's Paris Hilton, whilst she complimented me as being Mainland's Kuei Lun-Mei. Guan Chao, who was sitting beside us, couldn't bear to hear more, and commented that the friendship between girls was highly pretentious.

I retorted that he didn't know anything about female friendships. Why would we need female best friends? It's only so that we are able to satisfy our own vanity! China's Paris thus proceeded to negotiate with her ex-boyfriend. Although I'm unclear about what happened, I knew that when the negotiations ended Hao Wu Yi was wailing like a baby, refusing to return home. Thus, her ex-boyfriend had to locate my number from her mobile phone. I dragged Guan Chao along to pick her up.

I still recall that night. It was a dark and windy night and we found Hao Wu Yi by the river. She was crying ferociously, and her hair was in a mess. The makeup on her face had begun to run, causing her face to look like an artist's palette. According to Guan Chao, he was so frightened that his legs felt like jelly – because he thought that it was a river spirit had emerged.

Subsequently, the ex-boyfriend had an extremely unreasonable request. He said that as long as Hao Wu Yi managed to complete folding 9,999 lucky stars before his birthday as a birthday gift, he would get back together with Hao Wu Yi.

However, it was less than a week to the ex-boyfriend's birthday! Hao Wu Yi was focused on folding stars every single day, and I helped her as well. When the girls in our class found out about this project, they pitched in their efforts and helped to fold paper stars as well – somehow, before we knew it, the entire class was helping to fold paper stars! Those who were terribly clumsy and unable to fold (like our Mr. F) helped by counting the lucky stars, and reported our progress to us regularly.

That week was amazing – every single time the bell rang, signalling the end of class, our entire class went silent. Nobody went out to play. Everybody buried their heads, trying their damndest to fold lucky stars. Everyone was strangely touched by the unity that we displayed, and focused on the single-minded goal of helping Hao Wu Yi. We were like soldiers, ready and awaiting for battle.

Even now, whenever I recall this scenario, a cold shiver would run down my spine. A classroom that is deathly silent, with everyone lowering their heads and muttering under their breaths – those who didn't know better would have thought that our class was holding some kind of mass ritual.

Finally, right before the ex-boyfriend's birthday, we managed to gather 9,999 lucky stars. Hao Wu Yi bought a gigantic flower vase to store them. That day, after school ended, everybody stayed behind whilst the flower vase made its rounds around the class, allowing everybody to put their lucky stars into it. When the vase reached Hao Wu Yi, it was filled to the brim with lucky stars.

Hao Wu Yi brought this vase and went to meet her ex-boyfriend. Her ex-boyfriend was extremely shocked – initially, when he first made this request, he simply wanted her to recognize the impossibility of them getting back together, and he never thought that she would manage to fulfil his request. Ultimately, however, the both of them still broke up. Nevertheless, Hao Wu Yi commented that strangely, she never felt even the tiniest bit of sadness whilst she was carrying the vase of lucky stars home.

Subsequently, when we were in Year 3 of high school, there was a senior who had contracted leukaemia. The principal rallied the entire school to conduct fundraisers, with the proceeds being donated to that senior. We suggested selling that vase of lucky stars. On the day of the fundraiser, our entire class, along with Hao Wu Yi, lugged the vase of lucky stars to the sports field, receiving innumerable stares along the way.

In the end, our form teacher purchased the vase of lucky stars and placed it in his office. This year, when our classmates went back to visit him, they reported that to their surprise, the vase of lucky stars was still there! Now that I think about it, that year when our entire class was focused on folding the lucky stars, we garnered a great deal of attention, with random people flocking to our class to view our star-folding exercise. Surprisingly, our form teacher who was renowned for his strict nature had turned a blind eye to our project – perhaps he too, was touched by our unity. At that time, the youthful us were filed with innocence and enthusiasm, we were rebellious but kind. That, was the best side of us.

009

One day, I was drinking with Hao Wu Yi. Although classmate Hao Wu Yi has been to countless of blind dates, she hasn't been able to settle down with anyone. When I asked her for the reason why, she replied, "I have psychological barriers."

Me: "Ah?! What barriers?"

Hao Wu Yi: "Managing to like somebody always requires a certain amount of time, and it is always during this timeframe that I discover that the other party is a retard."

Me: "HAHAHAHA, I'm the exact opposite of you! The only reason why I married Mr. F at the speed of light was because I was afraid that he would discover that I was a retard."

Mr. F, who had been sitting next to me and listening to our conversation this entire time, finally spoke up, "No wonder I always felt that something was off, I've been had..."

010

Hao Wu Yi is presently working at a publishing company. One day, I accompanied her to the bookstore to conduct some surveys. When we saw Lee An's books, Hao Wu Yi started reflecting, "How I wish I was working on a book written by a famous author – I wouldn't even have to provide a summary of the plot; simply putting the author's name would ensure great sales."

I replied, "That's true, if you're working on Zhang Yi Mou's books you would also achieve the same effect."

"In the whole of China, innumerable people hope to be the editor of Zhang Yi Mou's books, so I'd never get the chance. Rather, I feel that both you and Mr. F have hidden potential, so in the future when you two become famous, remember to let me be the editor of your autobiographies."

"I'm terribly unambitious, so don't count on me."

"Of course I'm not counting on you – all we need is for Mr. F to become famous! At that time, your book would be known as The First Autobiography of The First Wife of Successful Entrepreneur Mr.F!"

"Wait, why would I be known as his first wife? Would he have a second wife?"

"That's hard to say, when one earns great amounts of money, one would be faced with innumerable temptations. I intend to help his first, second, third and fourth wives publish biographies, thus forming a series. It'll definitely sell well!"

"Goodbye, I intend to break off our friendship from here on out."

011

I texted Hao Wu Yi over WeChat, and we agreed to watch Chang Chen's new movie during the upcoming weekend.

Hao Wu Yi: "How can this man be so timelessly handsome!"

Me: "The male god lives forever, Chang Chen exists eternally."

Hao Wu Yi: "When I finally strike it big, the first thing I'm going to do is to be his sugar momma."

Me: "Wouldn't it require a lot of money to be his sugar momma?"

Hao Wu Yi: "Even if I can't be his sugar momma, I can surely have a one-night-stand with him at the very least!"

Me: "Then we have to work harder and earn more money."

Mr. F, who had been silently listening to us all this while, finally opened his mouth, "By the time you guys earn enough money, Chang Chen would already be infertile."

012

When Mr. F and I decided to marry, everybody wished me a blissful and long marriage. Only Hao Wu Yi held my hands tightly and told me seriously, "My dear, I will always support you no matter what you do. Even if you intend on escaping from the wedding, I'll buy you sports shoes."

Mr. F glared at her innumerable times.

She is my classmate, my best friend, my bridesmaid, and the future godmother of my children. When we are both eighty years old, we would be companions in the nursing home, sitting side by side on our wheelchairs whilst admiring at the handsome hunks in the distance. She is my dearest, dearest, Hao Wu Yi.

Chapter 6 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You returns the focus of the story to Joey and Mr. F's relationship, where Joey tells us interesting tidbits on how Mr. F and her inject small jabs of humour into each other's life. The small nature of these incidents highlight how life can be well-spent and filled with joy through the tiny actions and reactions of one's loved ones – Joey doesn't need Mr. F to shower her with expensive gifts or extravagant jewellery; all she needs is someone who understands her, appreciates her humour and returns in kind.

001

During winter last year, I bizarrely contracted a bout of dermatitis.

The hospital prescribed me a bunch of medicine, and the doctor instructed me to watch my diet – I wasn't allowed to eat seafood, I wasn't allowed to drink milk, I wasn't allowed to eat eggs, I wasn't allowed to eat beef and mutton, and I wasn't allowed to eat spicy food...

I immediately felt that there was no more meaning in life.

"What's the point in living any longer? After all, the main purpose of living in this world is to eat."

He glared at me, "Could you have more ambitions in life?" Under Mr. F's supervision, our house would definitely qualify for the Environmentally Friendly House Award. The table was filled with all sorts of vegetable dishes, and I ate till my vision was turning green. He took pity on me, and finally relented, allowing me to eat some pork meat.

That night, he cooked a plate of flavoured pork, and I was so touched I nearly cried when I was eating the pork meat. I told him in all earnestness, "I feel that the only thing that can make people feel an immediate sense of bliss the moment they lay eyes on it is a plate of meat."

Finally, I managed to recuperate after an entire winter. As I had scratched the wounds, there were some scars on my calf. When I wore shorts in summer, my friends noticed the scars and inquired about what had happened.

I glanced at Mr. F, and told them in a pitiful tone, "Because I wasn't obedient, I was punished with domestic violence."

He was stunned momentarily before putting on a straight face and retorting, "Didn't I warn you not to tell anybody? I'm going to punish you again when we reach home."

Hahahaha I didn't manage to keep in my laughter and immediately burst out laughing.

002

On the day when Mr. F and I held our wedding ceremony, he was forced to drink a pretty large amount of alcohol – mainly because he kept shielding me from the excessive drinks. As a result, he had to drink all the drinks that were originally meant for me.

When we went round giving our toasts, he held my hand extremely tightly. I laughed at him, asking whether he was worried that I would run.

He nodded his head seriously, and told me that of course he was worried as it wasn't easy for him to finally 'catch me'. I told him not to worry as I wouldn't run – not unless Jay Chou came to disrupt the marriage.

Subsequently, when this guy had too much to drink, his icy image was entirely changed. With a glass of alcohol in his hand, he slurred, "I'm tremendously happy today... Is there anybody who can help me pass a few words? I'm extremely, extremely grateful to Jolin Tsai and Patty Hou – you two must enjoy a very good relationship with Jay Chou..."

The people seated around him, including me, all burst into laughter.

003

A few days before my wedding, my best friends conducted a bachelorette's party for me. Mr. F frequently ticked me off for transforming into a lunatic whenever there's a crowd – and rightfully so. Whenever a huge bunch of good friends are gathered together, I'd be especially excited. Once I start getting excited, I'd always look for beer and other forms of alcohol. If I recall correctly, I was constantly toasting everybody that night – regardless of whether it was red wine, beer, cocktails or champagne, I drank all of them indiscriminately. At long last, I predictably collapsed and passed out.

The next day, I drifted in and out of sleep before finally waking up at 4:00PM. When I got up, I asked Mr. F, "Did I drink too much yesterday?"

He nodded his head. "I... I wasn't embarrassing, was I?"

He replied, "It's too painful to recall."

"What did I do?"

"You grabbed the microphone and hollered at the service staff, asking them to bring their prettiest ladies to your room. You also forced everyone to praise your beauty, and you even apologized to Jay Chou's picture, telling him that you'd definitely marry him first in your next lifetime..."

I buried my head in the pillow, having absolutely no confidence to continue listening to Mr. F.

"But the most embarrassing person isn't you, it's Guan Chao."

"What?!"

"We expended huge amounts of effort to coax you to return home. However, you suddenly hugged Guan Chao and started wailing."

"Why?"

"You kept apologizing to him whilst crying, and told him that even though the man you loved the most in the past was him, you are unable to love him anymore from this point forth."

Mr. F suppressed his laughter, continuing, "Guan Chao kept trying to explain to the people surrounding us that he's your blood-related brother, but it only made the people staring at us look at him even more strangely..."

004

I can never differentiate the pronunciation for "N" and "L".

Thus, every time I'm supposed to pronounce "Tie Ban Niu Liu"[1] I would always say "Tie Ban Liu Liu". This is a certain person's perennial laughing point, and whenever he gets bored, he would tease me, "Say 'Tie Ban Niu Liu'."

I am unwilling to concede that I'm unable to differentiate the pronunciation for "N" and "L", after all, I wouldn't make the same mistake over and over again, would I? As such, I would always co-operate and say, "Tie Ban Liu Liu......"

The moment I finished saying it, I'd realize that I had made the same mistake once again, while Mr. F would simply laugh for half a day.

I don't even know what the laughing point is.

005

Mr. F has a genius nephew who is way too mature for his age. Every single time I see him, a picture of a young Mr. F immediately pops up in my mind, inciting in me an irresistible urge to play a prank on him. "I heard that you placed the Mission of Oxford University at the top of your bed?"

The little genius replied, "I have now changed it to Harvard's."

"Not planning to go to England anymore?"

The little genius replied me extremely sternly, "The water quality in England isn't very good; long periods of stay will result in a greater propensity of balding."

I silently glanced at Mr. F.

The little genius took this opportunity to confess to his favourite uncle whom he idolizes, "But I still really like Uncle F's school."

Mr. F patted the head of the little genius, commenting that he had great taste.

"My mum said that it is extremely difficult to enter Uncle F's field of study."

I teased him, "It's not really that difficult, what's more important is your looks."

The little genius was incredulous, "You're lying!"

I replied seriously, "There'd be an interview, and the Professors basically select those whom they think is good looking."

"Is this really true?!"

"Of course this is true."

The little genius's view of the world was experiencing a great upheaval, and he turned to Mr. F with tears in his eyes, "Is it really all dependent on looks?"

Mr. F paused momentarily before saying, "Not entirely."

He continued, without a change in expression, "Sometimes it also depends on who wins rock-paper-scissors."

......

Mr. F has truly been led astray by me in recent times – Ah, he used to be such an upright (boring) person.

006

I have a strange habit – every single time I go to the toilet, I must have a book in hand. Mr. F often ridicules me, "After graduating, the place where you receive your education has changed from the school to the toilet bowl."

There was once I forgot to take a book along with me due to the urgent nature of my 'business'; as a result, I took the shampoo bottle and read the instructions line by line, until I finished reading the instructions.

When I came out, I asked him whether it was possible to put a bookshelf next to the toilet bowl.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Never."

"Who said that a bookshelf can't be placed in the toilet anyway?"

"I did."

"There's absolutely no room for discussion?"

"None."

Suddenly, an idea struck me, and I told him, "I thought of a perfect solution."

He smirked coldly, "If you're thinking of saying that you would simply place a toilet bowl in the study room should I refuse to agree to your suggestion, then you can forget about it."

He slowly added, "The sneaky ideas that you're thinking of right now – I can detect them from two streets away."

Enraged, I could only swallow my words in anger.

I couldn't believe that he actually managed to guess correctly...

007

Last week, I accompanied Mr. F to his company's dinner. As the Big Boss from his Company was in attendance, I didn't dare to make any rash moves, and was on my best behaviour the entire time.

Somehow, the Big Boss knew that I had enrolled in the Mandarin field of study in my university, and asked me to create a reading list for his daughter.

"The books my daughter reads are all about males and females who do nothing but fall in love with each other – don't they ever need to work? Don't they ever face any societal pressure? It's absolutely ridiculous."

I agreed meekly, lying through my teeth, "The books I usually read comprise of extremely profound literature."

I then proceeded to discuss the Stendahl style of writing and the distinguishing features of books written in the Victorian era with the Big Boss.

As a result, during the dinner, I felt as though I had returned to my time in University when I was answering questions about my thesis during my presentation.

On my way back home, I expressed my thoughts to Mr. F, "Your boss is an extremely difficult character to entertain."

"His grandfather is XXX."

I inhaled a sharp breath – that person was a celebrated literary icon! When I was young, I was even forced to memorize his essays!

"Then my performance during the dinner – wasn't it just me showcasing my incompetence in front of the real expert?!"

"Not exactly, but... 'The books I usually read comprise of extremely profound literature'? I wonder who was the one who stayed up the whole of last night to read chick-lit?"

I replied calmly without flinching, "I have no idea, maybe it's your mistress?"

————

[1] Tie Ban Niu Liu refers to Hotplate Beef Slices.

In the second half of Chapter 6 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, we continue exploring the hilarious escapades of Joey and Mr. F, and some of their sweeter moments as well. The most memorable incident that struck a chord with me in this Chapter was when Mr. F was adamant in ensuring that Joey nevertheless had a good night's rest even though both of them had quarrelled and were waging a cold war. Love doesn't mean that both parties never quarrel – it's not all sunshine and rainbows – but perhaps it could mean still wanting the best for the other party even in gloomy times.

008

Mr. F's moniker in our house is Mr. Fortune Teller, because he is always able to predict everything extremely accurately. When I was due to go to City X to attend my friend's wedding, I decided to book the 7AM flight ticket due to its cheap price. Mr. F was away on a business trip then, and when he heard about my decision he expressed his disbelief in my ability to board the flight on time.

"A 7AM flight means that you'd have to leave the house at 5:30AM. Are you sure you'd be able to wake up?"

I was extremely confident, "Don't worry, there won't be any problems!"

In the end, on the night before the flight, I had to work overtime till 2AM.

In the wee hours of the morning, I received a call from Mr. F, "It's time to wake up."

Me: "It's only 5AM..."

"You stayed up last night?"

"Stop talking, I need to treasure my sleep – I can sleep for at least 10 more minutes..."

I hung up in a daze, and when I re-opened my eyes, it was already 7:30AM. I called Mr. F in my despair.

"I woke up late."

"I know."

"Let me try to postpone my flight..."

"I already helped you to postpone your flight. Your plane is due for takeoff at 9:45AM. If the road to the airport isn't congested, you'd be able to reach in thirty minutes, so now that you've woken up you still have time for breakfast.

P.S. I knew this would happen from the start."

Me: "Mr. Fortune Teller, please allow me to kowtow to you!!!"

009

Before we fell asleep, I inquired, "What do you like about me?"

He opened his mouth and rattled off instantly, "You're kind, understanding, interesting, and independent. Moreover, you have good character and taste."

"What else?"

"You're pretty."

Full marks! I praised him for honesty, and pecked him on the cheek before turning the lights off.

I jerked awake in the middle of the night. That's not right, whoever he's describing – it's definitely not me! Does he have another wife outside?!

010

As his job frequently requires him to take extended business trips, he often worries about me staying at home alone. Once, while I was in the midst of helping him pack his luggage, he suddenly asked me, rather childishly, to accompany him on his trip.

I refused.

As his flight was an early flight, he was already gone when I awoke in the morning. I rose from the bed and made my way to the kitchen in a daze. Whilst drinking a cup of water, I noticed a note placed on the refrigerator. I took a step closer, and saw his hasty scribble:

Do not open the door for strangers.

Surprised, I spat the water out of my mouth and called him with a thunderous expression.

"Do you think I'm still a three year old kid?"

"It'd be great if you were a three year old kid; only then would I be able to bring you along wherever I go."

I love collecting postcards; thus, every time he visits someplace new he would always send a postcard back to me.

Before long, I managed to collect a sizable number of postcards. However, the postcards were all addressed to the following people: Wang Jian Guo, Li Sheng Li, Wang Zi Qiang.

Once again, I called him with a thunderous expression etched on my face. He retorted back in a righteous tone, "This is so that the mailmen would know that there's a man at home."

After a few days, when I purchased something from Taobao, I received a call from the delivery man who was requesting for a Shen Da Yong.

Ah, as expected, this person had also changed the name of the recipient of my purchases.

Mr F, have you ever considered that letting others know that different males commonly frequent the home would be more dangerous?

011

We had a quarrel over a minor matter one night. When it was time for bed, we lay down on the bed side by side, both choosing to ignore each other. He had to wake up at 4AM the next day as he had a morning flight,. As I couldn't fall asleep, I heard the alarm clock ring once – very briefly – before he quickly turned off the alarm. He didn't turn on the lights, and simply tip toed out of the room with his clothes in his arms.

I had previously wondered why I never ever detected any movement when he left. The person who chose to quarrel with me was him; but the person who chose to tiptoe blindly in the dark and change outside so as to ensure that I had an undisturbed sleep was also him.

012

I loved to eat fruits, especially cherries. As I was craving for cherries recently, I went to the supermarket and purchased 1 kg worth of cherries with the intention of eating them whilst watching my television programmes.

The moment I returned home, I instantly cleaned the cherries and placed them in a new bowl. Just as I was bringing the bowl to the living roo, the telephone rang. I conveniently passed the bowl of cherries to Mr. F and went to the bedroom to answer the call.

By the time I returned to the living room, the bowl was empty.

I flew into a rage, "Who said you could eat my cherries!!!"

"Weren't they meant for me?"

"It's mine!!! You're only allowed three cherries at most!!" As I had just talked about the severing of friendships with my friend over the telephone, I retorted immediately, "Goodbye, our ten years of our friendship has come to an end."

He commented sarcastically, "I never ever knew that our relationship couldn't be compared to 1kg of cherries." The next day, after Mr. F ended work, he brought a huge bag of cherries home. I immediately lit up in delight, and thought in my heart that this person truly understands me.

At night after dinner, I saw him slowly bring out a huge bowl of cherries, sit himself down on the sofa, on the television, and... started to eat the entire bowl of cherries all by himself...

I tried to repress my cravings but to no avail. Finally, I caved in and reached out my hand, saying, "I want some too."

He acted as though he had just noticed me, with an expression of surprise slowly forming on his face, before meticulously and slowly picking out three cherries from his huge bowl and handing them to me.

I was bewildered. He took his time, explaining leisurely, "Our relationship is only worth three cherries."

I was momentarily stunned before coming to my senses – Mr. F, do your colleagues know exactly how childish you are?!

013

Mr. F is actually very well-versed in the art of coaxing me into a good mood. One of the many instances evidencing this ability is as follows. Yesterday, I told him, "Actually, I'm terribly easy to get along with – I don't use your credit cards, and I don't purchase luxury bags. As long as you do your best to praise me, I'll be satisfied. See, isn't it a wise decision to marry me?"

He interrupted me firmly, "No, I'm only together with you because of your outer appearance. If you were an ugly old hag, I would have divorced you a long time ago."

I was instantly sent to Cloud 9, and immediately replied, "My dearest hubby, let me know what you wish to have for dinner tonight – I'll fulfill all your requests!"

014

Since he usually scolds me by calling me dummy, I have somehow grown to accept this nickname.

Once, we were late for our date with a mutual friend. Despite circling the car park a couple of times, we were still unable to find a parking lot. Just when I was getting anxious, I spotted a free parking lot ahead. I rushed him immediately, "Hurry!! There's one right there!"

"That's for the disabled."

I instantly retorted, "No worries! I'm mentally disabled!"

Even I myself was stunned by what I said. He simply sprawled onto the steering wheel while wiping the tears from his eyes.

015

I like scribbling little notes and insights on my book when I read, and I often pen down whatever comes to my mind. Once, when I was reading The Chronicles of Zuo, there was a scene documenting the incestuous relationship Wen Jiang had with her brother, the Emperor of Qi. When Wen Jiang's husband, the Emperor of Lu, found out about the relationship, the Emperor of Qi had him assassinated. I wrote at the side with a flourish: Friendship with 'brothers' are of utmost importance.

Subsequently, when I was flipping through the book, I discovered an extra line that was sneakily added by a certain person: All the perverts in the world are from a single family.

How did he transform from a proper and righteous person into a playful goofball?

016

I wanted to go on a date with him; thus, when I noted his good mood, I instantly capitalized on the opportunity and asked him coyly, "Hubby, do you know what day it is today?"

As he was in truly high spirits, he was extremely co-operative, "What day is it?"

I replied, "Today is the 587th day of our marriage!"

"So?"

I smiled flatteringly, "Shouldn't you express some appreciation?"

He rolled his eyes at me, "Only people who rear pigs would record the number of days that have passed subsequent to breeding."

Rendered speechless, I sat at the side and sulked.

Suppressing his laughter, he asked, "What do you want? You can just tell me directly."

I replied, "Tsk~ Who cares about your present?"

"Come on, just treat it as a celebration for me."

I asked grudgingly, "What are we celebrating?"

"Celebrating the 587th day of my successful pig rearing."

He patted my head with a smile.

Chapter 7 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You is a pretty short chapter, so I'll be posting it in its entirety. This chapter is a more poignant one, with Joey reflecting about the first time she cried over Mr. F's departure and what she thought she had truly lost when she rejected his confession. Thankfully, Mr. F waited for her. Thankfully, Mr. F returned for her. Perhaps now she can say – the beauty of spring has arrived, and thankfully, you're by my side.

001

Late at night, I suddenly remembered a few events that had happened.

When I was a 2nd year University student, a high school classmate came to Changsha to meet me.

During our chat she mentioned, "I always thought you were studying in University C because of Mr. F."

I said I wasn't, and asked her why she would think that way.

She said, "Don't you know? University C and Mr. F's university have a programme whereby they exchange students annually."

I knew about this, because when I first entered university the school did mention such a programme. However, I never really took notice of it.

"When we were filling in our forms relating to our desired universities, Mr. F suddenly came to look for me and asked me whether my brother was a University C student who was currently on an exchange programme in England. I said yes, and that University C had slots for students to go on an exchange programme to England every year. Mr. F then asked me for my brother's MSN. At that time, I thought he was interested in University C. It was only later when I understood that he was actually asking on your behalf."

Stunned, I said, "But he has never ever told me about this."

"Perhaps he didn't want to stress you about it."

My mind went blank.

When I was filling in my form relating to my desired universities, I was extremely indecisive. I'm not like Guan Chao or Mr. F, both of whom could easily obtain admission into any university which they selected. Rather, my grades were mediocre at best, and thus it was very hard for me to select a university. Now that I think about it, the universities which I ultimately selected were all universities which Mr. F had found by flipping through the entire university admission booklet.

It was only then that I understood – starting from a long time ago, back when I was still cowering in fear, trying to push him far away from me, he had already silently started to make plans incorporating me into his future.

During the process of growing up, the most regretful part often lies in the fact that we always meet the best people we'd ever meet when we're still ignorant and clueless, and thus we fail to recognize their goodness.

002

The second thing.

I'm a person whose reaction time is very slow; thus, I didn't particularly miss him after he left. The truth was, even without him, I managed to live my University life in a very fulfilling and joyful manner, and I even made a bunch of extremely interesting and cheerful friends. Till today, I still think back very fondly on my University life.

One day, I was studying in the library. It was about 4PM in the late afternoon. As I was seated near the window, the sunlight shone through the louvre window onto my book. Illuminated by the sunlight, a single sentence stood out to me: "The beauty of spring has arrived, but you're no longer by my side."

On my way home, that sentence kept repeating itself in my mind, and I couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard I tried. Normally, I would only require 10 minutes to walk from the library back to my dorm; on that day, however, I took a long detour, and walked the entire circumference of the school.

As the sun began to set, I started making my way back to the dorm.

The last rays of sunlight remained on the ground, and the Chinese Parasol trees lining the streets were swaying in the wind. Everything was as per normal, and everything was progressing smoothly, but in that very moment, I suddenly understood the saying "If you're able to bring yourself to talk about it, you're not experiencing true loneliness."

My brain kept replaying the sentence: The beauty of spring has arrived, but you're no longer by my side.

At that time, the school radio started broadcasting Jeff Chang's 'White Moonlight'.

White moonlight; it shines on the horizon

You're in my heart, but you're not in my arms

I'm unable to wipe away the tears you shed in the past

The time had passed; it's too late to ask for forgiveness

White moonlight; it shines on the horizon

The full moon reflects my loneliness

I'm unable to wipe away the tears in my memory

The time had passed; how do I make amends for the mistakes in the past

As I listened to the song, I started crying beside the road.

That was the first time I cried over his departure after he left. I'm normally very good at controlling my emotions and enduring any form of pain – but at that moment, I truly felt that I was unable to control my emotions any longer. I discovered that I still had so much to say to him. I wanted to tell him that right now, I'm very happy, that I no longer felt any sense of inferiority, that my life has become relaxed and joyful. I wanted to tell him that I worked every single day to improve myself, that I participated in various extra-curricular activities, and that I signed up for various self-improvement classes. I wanted to tell him that I was gradually morphing into a better person, and that I was filled with hope whenever I thought about my future. Right now, I'm the best I've ever been – everything would be perfect if only you were by my side.

And yet, the beauty of spring has arrived, but you're no longer by my side.

003

Having written the above two passages, my heart felt rather heavy. I shut the laptop and turned back to look at him.

He had already fallen asleep. As the new razor had left a small cut on his jaw, I stuck a Spongebob Squarepants plaster on him out of mischief.

I crawled onto the bed and whispered in his ear, "Can we promise never to separate in the future?"

"It's in the middle of the night, don't be crazy." He grunted sleepily.

"Answer me first."

He helped tuck me into the blanket with his eyes shut.

"From the first day I met you, I have never thought about separating."

This is the third small thing.

In Chapter 8 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, Joey details the numerous squabbles between her and Mr. F. Somehow, perhaps due to Joey's nature, the quarrels generally appear to be more hilarious than tense. In this chapter, we also get to sneak a second peek of how Mr. F truly kept Joey in his heart despite his four years in England, and how the sensitive Mr. F may truly have had a more difficult time during their cold war as compared to the happier and more carefree Joey.

001

Once, when we were still students, Mr. F and I got into a squabble. Although I am unable to recall the reason of the quarrel, we ended up intentionally ignoring each other for a long period of time. During the summer break, the class representative called me and asked me to contact Mr. F as he was organizing a birthday celebration for our form teacher.

I hesitantly agreed, and dialed Mr. F's number with great difficulty. As his mobile was switched off, I was left with no choice but to dial his home number. His mother picked up the phone and informed me that Mr. F wasn't at home as he was in Shanghai for a holiday.

A few days before school reopened, Mr. F suddenly called me and asked me why I had called him previously.

It had been more than a month since I called him – this fellow's reaction time is crazily long! It suddenly struck me that previously, when his mother picked up the phone, she hadn't asked for my name. Thus, I asked Mr. F how he knew that I was the one who called him.

He said, "My mum mentioned that the caller was a female, and you happen to be the only girl who knows my home number."

A sudden sense of elation washed over me , and a big grin formed on my face. The next day, I even tried to ingratiate myself by taking the initiative to purchase breakfast for him – and yet, this fellow still had no idea what happened.

Ah, I'm truly a woman with no principles.

002

Angering a Male Capricorn is actually very terrifying – they will not shout or yell at you, but they will use a complete set of cold tacit violence against you and throw you to the North Pole.

The evidence for such a proposition can be seen in the four-year-long cold war that he raged against me. Subsequently, I asked him, "Mr. F, how did you ever manage to harden your heart in order to ignore me for so long?"

He snorted coldly, "If I forgive you too easily, you won't learn your lesson."

"Do you know how terrible I felt?"

He sighed, "I didn't have an easy time either."

003

In the office, a colleague (male) was sharing the correct steps to be taken when one quarrels with one's girlfriend.

First step: Shut up. No matter what your girlfriend says, you should not retort or rebutt her; a lack of forbearance upsets great plans. If you're unable to control yourself and start quarreling with her, you would encounter even more trouble subsequently.

Second step: Apologize and admit fault. Do not ask why, just take the initiative to apologize.

Final step: Hug and confess. You must hug the other party extremely tightly, look the other party straight in the eyes, and use the most sincere tone that you have ever used in your entire life to say, "I'm sorry, and I love you."

I sat at the side, taking notes silently. My colleague asked me whether I was taking notes to show my husband in order to help him learn how to react when we quarrel. I shook my head, and said no – it's for my own learning purposes, so that I know how to coax the Male Capricorn at home.

004

I told Mr. F, "Mr. F, sometimes I truly feel that our genders might have been switched."

"Oh?"

"Really! Compared to you, my personality is more similar to a guy's."

"Why do you think so?"

"Think about it, between the both of us, who gets angry more often?"

"Me."

"So what do you think this illustrates?"

"This illustrates your tendency to commit faults more frequently that I do."

"Rubbish! It illustrates your petty nature!"

Once, when Mr. F and I were quarrelling, I called Hao Wu Yi immediately after the quarrel and raged, "He really crossed the line this time round! After he finished saying that sentence, I could feel the blood rushing to my head in spurts! I was so angry I nearly went crazy!"

Hao Wu Yi asked immediately, "So what exactly did he say?!"

"He said......" I grabbed the telephone, trying to recall but to no avail. "Damn, I forgot."

Hao Wu Yi ticked me off, "You're not magnanimous or forgiving, you're just plain forgetful!"

I learnt from my lesson. Thus, the second time when Mr. F and I were in the midst of a quarrel, I shouted loudly, "Wait a minute!"

I fished out my phone with lightning speed, opened the voice recording application, and directed the speaker at him.

"I'm done, continue!"

Mr. F was dumbfounded, calling me crazy before breaking out into laughter.

005

We did have a very serious quarrel once.

One day, whilst we were window shopping, I spotted a flowery maxi dress which I really liked. After I tried on the dress ecstatically, he shook his head and told me that it wasn't nice. Before I could respond, he had already dragged me out of the shop. When we returned to the car, he chided me, "The cost is not the issue, if the dress is nice, I'd buy it for you no matter how expensive it is."

"But I like it, so who cares whether it's nice or not? Why can't you indulge me for once?"

He replied in a domineering manner, "When you buy dresses, you only wear them for my viewing pleasure. So if I say it's not nice, it's not worth buying!"

I got so mad I yelled at him to stop the car, "I don't want to talk to you right now! I'm getting off the car!"

The car came to a stop with a screeching sound, and I keeled forward, nearly knocking into the windscreen – this person had really stopped the car!

I couldn't go back on my word now, so I opened the door and got off the car. The moment my feet landed on the pavement, he revved the engine and drove off without second thought. I was enraged – there are so many men in the world, so how did I manage to find a male chauvinist pig with such an overblown male ego? After I took a few steps, I realized I had left my wallet on the car. Since there was a Starbucks nearby, I went in and borrowed a mobile phone to call Hao Wu Yi. The more I talked to Hao Wu Yi, the more aggrieved I felt. Naturally, the tears started flowing. Hao Wu Yi urged me not to cry, and that it was just a dress after all. If I really wanted it, she'd buy two for me – one to wear and the other to hang in the closet just for my viewing purposes!

Ah, only women understand women best.

Not long after, Hao Wu Yi came to pick me up. The first sentence she said when she saw me was, "Your husband is going crazy from worry. He called me, saying that he went back to look for you but you were nowhere in sight."

I said the he deserved it, since he was the one who ditched me in the first place.

After eating dinner at Hao Wu Yi's house, we gossiped and watched Korean dramas. At 10PM, I told her I had to return home.

"Aren't the both of you quarreling right now? You don't have to go home, you could stay here for the night."

"I can't, he has to go overseas tomorrow for work, so I have to return home to help him pack his luggage."

Hao Wu Yi walked me to the ground floor as the lamp below her block was spoilt. Suddenly, a bright light shone in the distance – a car had turned on its headlights in order to help us light the way. As I neared the car, I chucked in glee. Isn't this Mr. F's car?

He got off the car and obediently opened the door for me. I asked him, "When did you arrive?"

He replied, "I just reached."

Hao Wu Yi said, "I made a bet with him, saying that you'd sleep at my house tonight. He said that it was impossible, and insisted on coming to fetch you."

Hehe. I giggled mindlessly.

Hao Wu Yi scolded me, "You terrible person who only cares about your spouse, get lost!"

I followed Mr. F home dutifully.

Although I get riled up easily, I also get pacified easily. Every single time after we quarrel I'd start to regret my actions, and would scratch my head trying to think of ways to apologize. Subsequently, Mr. F told me that he too, was like that.

006

As he was due to attend a University reunion dinner, he asked me whether I wanted to come with him.

" I better not; after all, I don't recognize anyone there."

"It's okay, all of them recognize you."

Thus, I followed him to his reunion dinner. The minute I sat down, people started to point their fingers at me, shouting, "Ah! So you're the one!"

Confused, I wondered what was going on.

"Your QQ display picture is a rabbit, right?"

"How did you know?" The speaker was extremely pleased with himself, and replied, "Little F would go to your profile page every day! I remember you made these huge lengthy posts talking about your daily life – he would read every single one of them without fail."

I was extremely surprised and turned to question F, "How come you never talked to me?"

After all, I was only on QQ everyday because I was waiting for him!

"I haven't forgiven you then." His replied haughtily.

The speaker continued to expose Mr F., "He was just putting up a brave front. There was one night, after having read your journal, he proceeded to purchase a carton of beer and came to knock on my door, forcing me to drink with him."

Giggling, I asked, "Why did he do that?"

"Why else? He found out that you were attached! Although I had an exam the very next day, this idiot still made me drink the entire night. In the end, he hugged the toilet bowl and started retching. When I went in to check on him, I was so shocked by what I saw that sobered up immediately."

Mr. F glanced coldly at him, and interrupted, "That's enough."

To my surprise, that person actually kept mum after that.

Intrigued, I refused to give up and continued pestering Mr. F, pleading with him to continue.

Mr F. put down his chopsticks, and said quietly, "I cried."

"I was very sad that day, I had never been so sad in my entire life, so I got myself drunk and cried. That's all, so stop asking and eat your dinner."

He helped me to a bowl of soup.

But I had already lost my appetite entirely. I stared at the bowl of soup, wanting to crash my head into it. My heart felt extremely uncomfortable – in the past, he used to tell me that, compared to me, he had a more difficult time during the years when we were separated, but I never truly believed him. I thought he was merely exaggerating. I never ever thought that he would, despite being at the opposite end of the ocean, secretly keep himself updated about my life and even cry because of me.

When we returned home, I had a very serious talk with him. He told me that there was no need to feel guilty about the incident – after all, what's past is past, and I hadn't done anything wrong.

Even though he said that, I still continued to feel stirrings of discomfort in my heart, and always felt that I had to make it up to him. Thus, I was particularly attentive to him, acceded to all his requests, and even spoke in a volume two decibels lower than my usual volume.

Subsequently, I suddenly realized that something's not right – I never ever wrote about my relationship in my journal entry! I confronted him, "What exactly did I write that day?"

"I forgot."

"Did you make a mistake? I don't recall ever writing about my boyfriend."

He retorted instantly, "The journal entry was made on XX/X/XXXX, go take a look at it yourself."

Didn't he just say that he forgot...

I went to rifle through my journal entries, and found the one in question. It was a pretty normal journal entry, detailing the mundane evens of my life – As I was on holiday, I stayed at home and helped my mother make dumplings, and quarreled with Guan Chao over whether the filling should be stuffed with leek or celery... nothing appeared to be out of the ordinary.

"Where did I mention my boyfriend?" I asked him.

"Second last paragraph, the last line."

Winter seems to be colder than normal this year. Would boyfriend really be alright in school?

Stunned into silence for three seconds, I threw my mouse away. "Kao! That's a stray dog that my dorm mate picked up! A dog called boyfriend!"

He was equally stunned, with a multitude of expressions flitting across his face, "Why the hell would anybody ever call a dog boyfriend?!"

"We just named him arbitrarily, she even picked up a cat which she named Monroe!!!!"

"Are you guys crazy!!!!"

"It wasn't my fault!!!!"

"Couldn't you have inserted some explanations whilst you were writing!!!!!"

"Who inserts footnotes and explanatory notes whilst writing their own journal!!!!"

"You did it on purpose, didn't you!!!!"

"How would I know that you would be like a perverted voyeur who came to read my journal in secret every single day!!!!"

Miffed, he couldn't find words to retort my accusation. He stood up and exited after slamming the door. I could tell that he was truly angry this time.

...

That night, I gave my dorm mate a call.

"Do you know, that the dog which you picked up had just catalysed the biggest quarrel I ever had with my husband after having been married for so long..."

My dorm mate hugged the phone and laughed for a full ten minutes.

In the second half of this Chapter of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, Joey continues recounting the little ways in which Mr. F manages to make her exasperated, thus injecting humor and fun into her daily life. At the same time, Joey shows us what it truly means to accept someone for who he is, and how to look at the brighter side of life as opposed to getting annoyed and upset with the other party over aspects of his character.

007

Nowadays, I can't even pick a fight with Mr. F, because he'd manage to shut me up with a single sentence majority of the time. When Mr. F decides to be prim and proper, he would be rather solemn and stern. Thus, those who are unfamiliar with him often give him the following comments: Serious, rigorous and meticulous.

Every single time someone says that, I'd want to grab his collar and holler at him – You've been cheated!!!!

This fellow has the techniques of acting coy at his fingertips, and his poisonous tongue is akin a radio that spits out monologue.

There was a period of time when he had to work overtime every single day, and could only return home at 2 in the morning. I told Mr. F that although he was only getting the pay of a farmer, he was working as though he was the CEO of the company.

He laid on the sofa and tugged at his tie whilst patting my head, "Be a good girl, and help me cook a bowl of noodles."

I said, "You have yet to be promoted to the rank of a CEO, but you have the mannerisms of a CEO already."

He replied unhurriedly, "I'm not the CEO (Dong Shi Zhang), I'm the Head of being disobedient (Bu Dong Shi Zhang)."

008

We were due to attend a colleague's wedding. Before stepping out of the door, I was having an internal war over which dress to wear.

"What about this one?"

"It's too short, wear something that covers your knees."

"How about this one?"

"The color's not nice."

"Then I'll wear the black dress that you like."

"You're going to attend a wedding......"

"Fine, what about this?"

"It's nice. But if it's too attractive, won't the bride be slightly unhappy?"

"Then I'll change back to the first dress then."

When I went into the toilet to change my clothes, I heard him let out a long sigh outside, "I just can't understand why men would have the effort and energy to look for a woman outside. Having one is troublesome enough."

What? Who exactly do you think is troublesome?!?!

009

My friend knew of a fortune teller that was reputed for being extremely accurate. The fortune teller looked at my date of birth and warned me not to wear any jade accessories. Instead, I ought to 'wear gold near water'.

Although I didn't understand the phrase 'gold near water', I was too shy about exposing my ignorance and chose to secretly ask Hao Wu Yi instead.

"What exactly is 'gold near water'?"

Hao Wu Yi: "Girl, don't you know how to add a punctuation mark!? Wear gold, near water! What the fortune teller is saying is that out of your five elements, you're lacking in water!"

I was instantly enlightened.

A certain person laughed derisively at the side, "That's not accurate, out of your five elements you clearly lack intellect."

Pei!

010

Recently, I have been suffering from a severe case of hair loss. Whilst sweeping the floor, I lamented, "Sigh, I heard that there was a couple in America who separated because the husband was unable to endure the house being full of hair. You wouldn't divorce me over this, would you?"

He said, "Don't worry. Even if I want to divorce you, it won't be because of this reason alone."

Me: "..."

When I looked in the mirror, I discovered that my center parting was so bald that it could serve as a racecourse. I went to the hairdresser immediately for a change in hairstyle. With the center parting transforming into a side parting, I went back home to flaunt my new hair to Mr. F.

"Look! Isn't this much better?"

He glanced at me.

"Yup, very soon you will have two racecourses on your head."

He can always find ways to trigger my temper – the only reason he has remained alive till today is because I'm just too kind!

011

My friends often comment that Mr. F and I are both very cool and controlled, as we rarely fly into rages or get too emotional. In actuality, our coolness is rather different. Whenever he encounters a difficult problem, he never gets flustered or anxious; instead, he will slowly obtain a comprehensive understanding of the problem before undertaking a thorough analysis, leading to satisfactory resolution of the problem. Conversely, my cool nature is derived from my high tolerance when handling difficult matters. I am extremely averse to conflict, and fear quarrelling with others. As such, I have a habit of simply suppressing my unhappiness and tolerating others, frequently telling people "No worries" and "No problem".

The first time he got mad at me, he said, "Whenever you're unhappy, you have to express it! Don't keep everything buried in your heart!"

At that time, I felt that he was being ridiculous as he was getting angry over a small matter. It was only later that I gradually understood that only those who weren't close to me would compliment me on my understanding nature and my gentle temper; conversely, only those who truly cared about me would be concerned about whether I had suffered an injustice and was simply repressing my unhappy feelings.

012

Mr. F is a workaholic, and is unable to separate his personal time from his work time. To him, it was normal to work overtime till the wee hours of the morning, and going on work trips for one to two months without returning home is common fare. Recently, we managed to find a common timeslot where both of us were allowed to take leave from work. Thus, we decided to go on a holiday. However, he was constantly on the phone from 8 in the morning, and always procrastinated about heading out, insisting that he had to wait for an important and urgent e-mail that was due anytime soon. As such, I waited along with him; in the end, our wait lasted for three hours long. When we headed to the Michelin Restaurant that I had been looking forward to the entire trip, he left me in the corner and concentrated on his telephone conversation even after the food had arrived.

I was unable to repress my anger and chided, "If you pick up one more telephone call, I'd throw your mobile phone into the sea immediately!"

He knew he was in the wrong, and finally agreed to turn his mobile phone off before passing it to me. That's how I managed to force him to go sightseeing with me despite his heart still being preoccupied with work.

When I awoke at midnight, I discovered that he had disappeared, and went to look for him at the café of the hotel.

Unsurprisingly, I found this fellow sitting at the corner with his laptop, looking at various files.

When he saw me he was rather astonished, "Why are you awake?"

"Looks like you have upgraded after I confiscated your phone."

"I'm nearly done, so you should return to sleep first."

I didn't feel sleepy in the slightest, so I sat beside him and accompanied him. He was talking to somebody on his mobile phone, and it seemed to concern an urgent matter.

After hanging up on his colleague, he turned to me and said, "There's something I want to discuss with you."

"You want to return ahead of schedule?"

He nodded his head, and immediately launched into an explanation, "It concerns a really urgent matter......"

"Sure."

He was stunned, "You're going to agree? Just like that?"

"What else can I do?"

"You're not angry?"

"I'm a little angry, but not terribly so. After all, you're heading back for work, so there's very little for me to be angry about."

Curious, he asked, "If that's the case, under what circumstances would you get mad?"

I thought about it seriously before replying, "If you're not busy with work but busy having an extramarital affair, I'd be really mad. But since your work schedule is so demanding, I reckon you don't even have the time to look for other women. Rather, I'm the one who has sufficient time and energy to go source for an extramarital affair. Now that I think about it, Mr. F, the state of your marriage is quite precarious."

"......"

In the second half of this Chapter of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, we're exposed to how, despite his cool and arrogant exterior, Mr. F has a ton of internal emotional activity which he expresses subtly to Joey. Unfortunately, due to Joey's careless nature, she rarely (if ever) picks up on these signs and simply continues living her life in her happy way. It's cute how Mr. F always puts up a cold front of others, but we get to take a peek a his most natural, 'shameless' side through Joey's eyes. I guess love entails putting down one's mask and showing the other party your realest, truest, self.

009

The impression others have of Mr. F is that he is a model youth who excels in the five important areas: study, thought, occupation, discipline, and way of life. Wherever he went, he always looked impeccable and flawless; however, my fellow friends, we should always caution ourselves against being deceived by appearances! Indeed, this fellow is obstinate, stubborn, compulsively clean, fusses over minor details and is highly difficult to please.

He never ever loans his books to others, because he hates people flipping through his book flippantly without taking proper care of them; he never ever lets outsiders enter his room, and instantly locks his room the minute young children visit the home. He reared a golden retriever when he was younger. However, when he brought it out for a walk and met others who requested for his permission to pat the dog, he always refused, and would even get peeved on several occasions, demanding to know why in the world they wanted to touch his dog.

When we were studying, there was this one time our class organized a BBQ outing. The rest of us made do with disposable bowls and utensils – only he, he actually brought! his! very! own! utensils! During the outing, when someone wanted to check whether the chicken wings were fully cooked, the classmate seated next to Mr. F grabbed Mr. F's chopsticks and used the chopsticks to place a piece of chicken in his own mouth. Subsequently, Mr. F, being the annoying brat that he is, threw away his chopsticks and refused to eat anything else, causing the entire atmosphere to become rather strained.

When we started staying together, I initially thought that his fussy temperament and obsession with cleanliness would contribute to numerous conflicts between us – who would have known that not only would he refrain from fussing over minor matters, he would further allow me to slowly but gradually enter, and invade his personal space. Currently, he is able to tolerate my habit of using his cup and his chopsticks, and he is also able to put up me when I wear his T-shirts. He has even allowed me to influence him in cultivating numerous bad habits – nowadays, when we wake up in the morning, he would lay in bed with me whilst we eat our breakfast; when reading, he would lie with me on the floor or on the sofa for one entire afternoon. When standing, he no longer stands upright, and when sitting, he no longer straightens his back. When describing such a phenomenon, he chose to characterize it as follows, "the good habits that I cultivated since young are now all destroyed because of you."

I replied, saying that your personality in the past was horrendously dislikable. Conversely, you're so cute now it's unbelievable.

010

Previously, I asked Mr. F whether there was anything in which he was confident of achieving.

Subsequently, he told me that amongst the numerous things he believed in, one of them was his expectation that we would ultimately end up together.

However, what he did not expect was my decision to come to Beijing to look for him of my own accord. At that time, I didn't tell him that I had quit my job in Changsha, mainly because I felt that it would be extremely embarrassing if I suddenly ran up to him and told him that "I quit my job only because I wanted to slog it out in Beijing with you".

It was only after I arrived in Beijing and settled down when I finally decided to give him a call. He thought that I was here on a business trip, and arranged to meet me on a weekend.

I managed to locate my rental apartment from a cursory Internet search, and moved in immediately on the night I arrived in Beijing. Because of my young age, I had very little experience renting rooms from others, and never thought about checking the housing permits. Subsequently, I discovered that my 'landlord' was actually just a tenant – because of his greed for rental money, he secretly erected partitions in the house and sublet these 'rooms' without the landlord's permission. On the second day of my stay, the landlord came to check the apartment.

Having found out that the apartment housed six families, the landlord insisted that we move out immediately before she resorted to calling the police.

As such, I was thrown out of my apartment. It was 12 midnight, and I stood by the roadside with my two big luggage, absolutely clueless and lost as to my next course of action. I had nowhere to go.

Thus, I was forced to give Mr. F a call. He rushed over immediately, and when he saw me looking lost and destitute whilst dragging my luggage, his anger boiled over.

"Why would you decide to rent an apartment?" He interrogated me.

It was only then that I told him the truth.

"I quit my job."

"When was this?"

"Last week."

"Why did you quit your job?"

"I just...... didn't want to work there anymore."

"You want to stay in Beijing?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any plans?"

I shook my head.

"Have you found a job that you desired? Have you sent out your resume? Would your previous employer be able to help write some recommendation letters for you?"

He is an extremely logical and rational person; before embarking on a course of action, he would have crafted Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C in great detail, which is the entire opposite of what I did. I shook my head innocuously, and said that I hadn't thought of any plans. When he heard that, he flew into a rage, "Then why on earth did you come here?! Don't you know how to plan for your future? You had a good job, but you threw it away singlehandedly. You're not young anymore, so how could you be so wilful? What on earth are you thinking?"

His harsh words made me feel terribly anxious, so I simply blurted out the truth, "I was thinking of you! Why else would I come to Beijing!"

The moment those words left my mouth, both of us were stunned into silence. I felt highly awkward, and tried to defuse the situation by dragging my luggage and walking away. "In any event, I have made up my mind to stay in Beijing. I will look for a job, so you don't have to worry about me."

He caught up with me, silently grabbing my luggage and heading to the road to flag a taxi.

I was still feeling rather upset, but I suddenly burst out in laughter when I gradually neared him.

"Mr. F, are you blushing?"

"Keep quiet, you." He turned his face away, his voice muffled in the night.

011

Now that I think about it, it's quite interesting – when he confessed to me and when I subsequently confessed to him, neither of us used the word 'love'. We just became lovers naturally, as though it was the most logical thing in the world.

In actuality, I had been a very cowardly person since young, and was usually extremely indecisive. Coming to Beijing was the firmest decision I had ever made. Even I myself am unable to understand why I experienced a sudden surge of courage – maybe it was because I was still young then, and thought that any decision I made didn't involve too much investment.

Once, a person asked me whether I ever queried the correctness of my decision to go to Beijing. This is a really difficult question to answer. Staying at Changsha definitely had its perks – my life would definitely have been smoother and more comfortable, but Beijing enabled me to experience an entirely different lifestyle. It provided me with a platform to realize my inner potential, helped to create in me an attitude that is brave and positive, and allowed me to morph into a person with more confidence. Of course, a large part of this change can be attributed to Mr. F's presence by my side.

In my opinion, one is unable to definitively judge whether a decision is right or wrong. As long as one is willing to bear the consequences, one's decision would generally be free from criticism. Abandoning the past, and choosing to create a new life together with him was a decision I made. Regardless of whether the ending is good or bad, I would accept them with a peace of mind.

Having said, I would nevertheless joke with him occasionally, saying that had I stayed in Changsha, I might have been the leader of some department by now. During these times, he would rebutt me with a righteous tone, "Aren't you the leader presently in charge of me anyway? Clearly, you're not at a disadvantage ."

012

If I recall correctly, after I came to Beijing, we naturally transformed from friends to lovers. When he came by to help me move into my new place, the landlord asked, " Are you staying alone, or are both of you staying together?"

I hurriedly replied that I was staying alone, my face reddening in the process.

Subsequently, when I was chatting with my roommate, she pointed at Mr. F and asked, "Is he your boyfriend?"

Before I had a chance to reply, a certain person put his arms around me and nodded his head. That was how we ascertained our relationship as lovers.

However, he subsequently did open up, "I too, experienced an internal struggle when I was thinking about our relationship."

Confused, I asked, "What's there for you to struggle over?"

He replied, "If I immediately agreed to be your lover just because you made a offhand and random decision to pursue me, I would lose face."

"May I ask how you showcased this 'struggle'?"

"I decided to ignore you for a period of time, because I couldn't let you become too arrogant."

"So...?"

"That's why several times, when you called my mobile, I intentionally chose not to pick up."

"And...?"

"And sometimes, when you asked me out on a date, I replied saying that I wasn't free."

"That's it?"

"Yup."

Mr. F, I'm really sorry, but I was totally clueless about your sensitive and delicate inner thoughts and feelings at that point in time. I truly thought that you were simply too busy for dates.

013

In the past, Mr. F appeared terribly cold on the outside, but had a great amount of internal emotional activity – as such, even in situations where his heart was about to burst with happiness, he nevertheless tried his best to maintain his cold, deadpan expression. Unfortunately, a certain fellow's "Male God" image is presently crushed into smithereens; instead, he has switched his course, and is currently galloping on the road to Shamelessness. No matter how hard I whip my horse, I am unable to catch up with him.

Last weekend, I put in a huge amount of effort to prepare a complex, home-cooked dish. When I brought it to the table, he was extremely picky and criticized my food, saying that it wasn't nice.

I got so mad I started shouting, "I'm never going to cook[1] for you ever again!"

"If that's the case, you can simply cook the dishes – anyway, I know how to steam the rice." He replied calmly.

[T/N: [1] The Mandarin words used by the author are 做饭 (zuo fan), which directly translates to cook rice, but is used colloquially to refer to cooking an entire meal. This is why Mr. F decides to explore the linguistic loophole to interpret Joey's words as "I'm never going to cook rice for you ever again!"]

"I won't even cook dishes! Who are you anyway Mister? Do I know you? Are we in a relationship?"

"Yes." He didn't even blink before answering. "We are in a physical relationship."

I was so angry I nearly fainted.

The next day, however, he was extremely obedient, and finished all the dishes and the rice. Subsequently, he put down his bowl and lay on the sofa, moaning and wheezing. "I'm stuffed."

I helped him massage his stomach, "You're already an adult, so why don't you exercise some self-control when you eat?"

He sighed, "I have no other option."

"Why?"

"I am only able to escape washing up duty if I eat till I'm stuffed."

Hey buddy, do you even remember the 'elegant and cool' image you tried so hard to create in the past?

014

When I decided to quit my job in order to go to Beijing, all my friends thought that I was crazy, and each of them took turns to counsel me. However, I was determined to go Beijing, and no amount of counseling would change my mind. According to them, it was as though I was possessed – to them, it wasn't worth going through so much hassle just for a man. Thus, my best friends had an extremely negative impression of Mr. F.

During my second year in Beijing, my dorm leader (who was on extremely good terms with me during my University years) came to Beijing on a work trip. My dorm leader was from the North part of China, and was 1.75m tall. In order to appear normal when I stood next to her, I grit my teeth and wore my 8cm heels for our meeting.

I soon realized that it was a fatal mistake. From the South Gong and Drum Lane (Nanluoguxiang) to Prince Gong's Mansion (Gong Wang Fu), from Prince Gong's Mansion to Huo Hai – I walked the entire distance in my heels. My 8cm heels. As a result, I nearly died from walking.

Initially, the original plan was to go window shopping and sightseeing with my dorm leader in the day before meeting Mr. F for dinner at night. However, my plan got disrupted when my wallet got stolen at the Yonghe Temple (What?! This is the Fourth Prince's territory! Thieves these days are truly running wild.)

[T/N: Yongzheng Emperor, the Fourth Prince of Kangxi Emperor, lived in Yonghe Temple when he was alive.]

As such, I gave Mr. F an emergency call. Even though it was a weekend, he was still in his office working overtime – thus, even though I wanted him to return home to help me grab a more comfortable pair of shoes, I decided against it in the fear of wasting his time.

Before long, Mr. F arrived, a paper bag in his hand. I wondered whether this fellow had bought a present in an attempt to win my dorm leader over. To my surprise, the paper bag contained a pair of shoes – those shoes were mine, and they were flats!

I asked, "You went home?"

He replied, "I didn't. But since you wore your heels out this morning, I thought that you might feel tired from all the walking. Thus, I brought an additional pair of shoes for you and placed them in the car."

He bent down naturally, helping me change into my new pair of shoes whilst completing his sentence. Next to us, my dorm leader was in a state of shock, with a 'Kao, what am I seeing!' expression etched on her face.

015

He chose not to return to the Company that day, instead volunteering to accompany us in our window shopping adventure. He trailed behind us, helping us carry our bags and pay for our purchases without the slightest complaint.

When it was time for dinner, we went to a relatively famous restaurant which he had earlier called in order to reserve a private room. When we were selecting our dishes, he asked the dorm leader whether she had any dietary restrictions, to which the dorm leader replied that she hadn't had any. He immediately proceeded to order various dishes, all of which suited the taste of our dorm leader. Our dorm leader was thus extremely touched. In actuality, a certain sneaky person had already confirmed with me the previous night what our dorm leader liked to eat.

After dinner, we sent the dorm leader back to her hotel, and Mr. F volunteered to drive the dorm leader to the airport the next day. Before our dorm leader left, Mr. F told her, "A few years ago, I wasn't at Joey's side. Thankfully, you guys were there to help me take care of her, and for that, I am eternally grateful." When he said those words, his eyes glittered with sincerity and his actions shone with gentlemanliness.

At this point, I began feeling weirded out, and thought in my heart, "Who are you? And what have you done to hopelessly arrogant Mr. F who suffers from facial paralysis and the dead-fish-eyes syndrome?!"

As expected, after ten minutes, the dorm leader started to roar in the group chat, "AHHHHHHHHHH! Joey's man is too bloody sweet and understanding!!!!"

The nosy audience started to boil with excitement.

"Boss you went to Beijing?"

"Everybody, come listen to the latest gossip!"

The dorm leader started to recount the tale meticulously, without leaving a single detail out. When she ended, she specially emphasized, "Kneeling down in the middle of the street to help Little Joe change her shoes, that's so gentle of him!!! And during dinner, after he sought my opinion, he managed to order all the dishes within two minutes!! Two minutes!! I like these type of clear-cut guys best! In today's day and age, it's so difficult to find a guy who's decisive yet gentle, and would even personally help you wear your shoes."

At the very same time, a certain person immediately lay on the sofa upon reaching home, pulling out his tie in the process. Grinning from ear to ear, he asked me, "Wasn't my performance good today?"

I nodded in agreement, and told him that he did alright.

With a wave of his hand, he instructed me, "If that's the case, hurry along and prepare the bath for me."

I tottered to the bathroom to prepare the bath, but decided to stick my head out after some thought, "Since you saw me wear my heels out this morning, why didn't you remind me before we left the house?"

He smiled without replying my query.

In the group chat, the dorm leader was still hollering, "Too thoughtful too thoughtful too thoughtful!"

Tears silently rolled down my cheeks – ah, my dorm leader, you're still too innocent......

016

After becoming lovers with Mr. F, I would always receive queries from people asking me when we were going to get married. I was extremely puzzled – did I have a face that was flaming with a desire to get married?

"It's not that, it's just that I feel that you two would definitely last for a long period of time, so marriage is simply an inevitable event." My friend explained it as such.

When I was young, I had a bad habit – I liked to bite my nails. Although my mum had spanked me countless times over my bad habit, I am simply unable to change it. As such, my nails are generally very ugly. My mum often chastised me, "When your boyfriend proposes to you in the future, would you have the cheek to give him such an ugly hand and expect him to put the diamond ring on for you?" Due to her warning, I always worried over whether I would get dumped at the stage when I was due to wear the diamond ring.

But the reality was – on the morning of a certain weekend, both of us were lazing on the bed when he suddenly asked me, "Do you have any plans today?"

"No, I don't."

"I don't have any plans either."

Using an extremely calm and normal tone, he asked, "Let's get our marriage certificate then."

I responded immediately without thinking, "Sure."

It was only when he got up and started booking plane tickets when I finally managed to process what he just said – That was his marriage proposal?! What about the diamond ring?

This story tells us that, reality is often not as bad as you think it would be – it would only be worse.

In this Chapter of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, Joey recounts how Mr. F managed to persuade her to move into his apartment when both of them were staying in Beijing. Through their cohabitation, we learn more about Mr. F, who is now revealed to be a controlling workaholic with a slight obsessive compulsive disorder, and takes the idea of "persuasion" to its extreme – preparing charts, PPTs, and a full, entire report just for Joey to move in with him.

001

Even though both Mr. F and I had been friends for a very long time, we haven't really interacted with each other as a couple. Thus, it was only after we ascertained our relationship that we discovered all sorts of problems. For instance, I found out that this fellow is extremely controlling.

I have a habit – when I'm entering a restaurant with other people, I have a tendency to be the first one to open the door, so that I'm able to hold the door open for subsequent people entering the restaurant.

When I went on dates with him, I helped him keep the door open several times. This caused his to be rather unhappy, "You should let men handle these types of things!"

Alright, you handle it.

As I have a very keen sense of time, I'd always arrive twenty minutes earlier than the scheduled time for all our dates.

He became unhappy once more, "You could always arrive slightly later, I don't mind waiting for you."

Alright, I guess I'd have to dawdle at home and waste time before arriving precisely ten minutes later than the scheduled time.

When we went out on dates, he always paid for all our expenses. As I felt bad for him, I always offered to pay for my share. However, he always refused to let me pay. Once, I took the opportunity to settle the bill when he went to the washroom. When he returned to the table, he was so mad that his face nearly turned green.

I bought two bottles of mineral water, and was about to open them before I noticed the slight furrow in his brows. Without second thought, I immediately started to pretend that I was extremely weak, and complained, "I can't open it."

He took the bottles from me and opened them without much effort. He put the straws into the bottles before passing them back to me, and conveniently patted my head. He appeared to be in a terribly good mood.

Sometimes, men can be really, really childish.

002

My senior from High School told me that she had just moved to Beijing, and that she was experiencing great difficulty adjusting to the new environment.

"When I arranged to have dinner with my friend at 5:30PM, my friend came to pick me up at 3PM. Initially, I was really confused – why did we have to leave so early? It was only later that I understood why. First, we hopped onto the bus, which slowly chugged past a few bridges before slowly driving past a few rivers. Just when I suspected that the bus was going to drive all the way to Tianjin, my friend finally indicated that we had arrived at our stop, and we alighted. After alighting, my friend told me that we still had to take the train and transfer twice before we reach our final destination. At that time, I experienced a meltdown and started crying by the roadside. I complained whilst crying, lamenting Beijing's bloody huge size."

I didn't take her very seriously, and simply laughed aloud at the ludicrous nature of the situation.

It was only subsequently when I moved to Beijing that I realized that her tale was really true; it wasn't exaggerated at all, not even the slightest bit.

The first year, he stayed in the Haidian District whilst I stayed in Zhaoyang District. When we wanted to meet, we had to undertake a two-hour bus journey.

"Why do I feel as though we're in a long-distance relationship?"

He nodded in agreement, "I feel the same way."

Before long, he bought a car.

"Why did you waste money purchasing a car?"

"I'm afraid that it would be too hard on you."

I was extremely touched.

However, we soon discovered that during peak hours, Beijing was like an overcooked porridge – the cars that were on the road were unable to move even a single inch.

He was supposed to pick me up for dinner after work; however, he was nowhere to be seen. After some time, I called him "Where are you?"

"I'm in a jam – I'm currently at New Street Road."

An hour later, I called him once more, "Where are you now?"

"Still at New Street Road."

After another hour had passed, "Where now?"

"New Street Road."

"......"

After the had sun set and the moon hung in the middle of the sky, he called, "I'm at Gui Street, but it's still congested. Why don't you take the train over, we can have supper......"

— We should have simply taken the train from the start!

003

After we got together, Mr. F's life had only two major things left for him to complete – earn money, and persuade me to move in with him.

"Why don't you move in with me? We can stay together."

"I don't want to."

"Alternatively, I could move into your apartment."

"I don't want that either."

"Give me a reason why."

"My mum wouldn't allow it."

"Your mum has already agreed."

"When did this happen?"

"During Mid-Autumn Festival, I sent her some mooncakes – along with a request asking for her consent in relation to our cohabitation. She said that she had no issues with us cohabiting as long as you were willing to."

"Wait a minute, you sent mooncakes to my mum? Why do I have absolutely no clue that you did that?"

"There are many other things you are clueless about. Don't change the subject, are you going to move in or not?"

"I'm not moving in, I'm not used to staying with another person."

"You're going have to move in sooner or later anyway, so you might as well start getting used to it now."

"You're so annoying, I said I won't move, and that's that." After numerous attempts, he finally stopped trying to persuade me, so I naturally thought that he had given up on the idea. Thus, I was extremely surprised when one fine day, he abruptly gave me a stack of documents.

"What's this?"

"A feasibility report."

Yes, the reason why he stopped trying to persuade me for a period of time was because he needed time to gather information and other data. In order to persuade me to agree to cohabitation, he even analyzed the pros and cons from various viewpoints and came up with a comprehensive report on how we could implement our cohabitation plan. The report even contained various case references, an interior map of the apartment, and a mekko chart...

"What if... What if I'm still unwilling to move in?"

"I'll do up a PPT then."

That's enough of your nonsense!

004

In the end, he managed to succeed in persuading me to move in.

"This is the result of my perseverance and hard work."

Looking at the smug expression on his face, I didn't have the heart to tell him that the real reason why I agreed was because after I switched companies, my new company is only a mere 15 minute distance away from his apartment. After various calculations, I realized that this meant that I could sleep in for an additional hour every day.

I immediately decided to move into his apartment!

005

Staying together meant that, with our numerous individual lifestyle habits, we had to learn how to slowly accommodate each other.

The very first difficulty we encountered was: In order to sleep, he had to have a nightlight on, whereas I could only sleep in total darkness – even the slightest bit of light could keep me awake.

In order to accommodate me, he took the initiative to off the lights.

As he kept tossing and turning the entire night, I crawled out of bed and turned on the light.

As a result, I became the one who was unable to drift off into sleep.

It hurt him to see me tossing and turning; thus, he decided to grab the blanket and sleep on the sofa outside.

During that period of time, both of us suffered from a lack of sleep and exhaustion. However, there was nothing either of us could do as habits could not be changed within one or two days.

Before long, the Qixi Festival (Chinese Valentine's Day) nearing. It was the first Qixi Festival we were spending together; thus, I was terribly excited and kept trying to ask in a roundabout manner what gift I would be receiving from him.

"It's something you really, really need." He said.

After longing for the moon and the stars, the Qixi Festival finally arrived. On the day of the Qixi Festival, he handed me a box which I opened with great care. The moment I saw the contents of the box, I felt as though a crow flew over my head.

This was our first Qixi Festival!!

And yet, the present this fellow bought for me was – a sleeping mask!!!!

"With this, both of us would be able to sleep in peace."

......

Ah, I feel like giving him a good beating – and nobody's allowed to stop me.

006

It was another Qixi Festival.

Most unfortunately, during that period of time, both of us were extremely busy with work. The moment the weekend arrived, both of us grabbed our laptops and started working overtime. When the sun started to set, I stood up and started stretching my stiff body. Only then did I suddenly realize – today is the Qixi Festival!

I ran to him and asked for my present. He stared at me blankly before saying in an innocent tone, "I forgot. Why didn't you remind me?"

I was so angry I wanted to scratch the walls, "Damn it, I forgot too!"

007

Mr. F said that I had terrible sleeping habits – I frequently snatched the blanket from him, and even liked to place my foot on his stomach, causing him to suffer from insomnia the entire night.

I said, "If I do that in the future, just shake me awake."

When I said the above sentence, I was simply being courteous. Who would have known that this fellow would really shake me awake in the middle of the night.

"Just take a look for yourself how much space you are dominating."

I glanced at my surroundings and found nothing to refute his claims. Indeed, my spread-eagle posture took up two-thirds of the bed.

I apologized to him sincerely before returning to my sleep.

Before long, I woke up as I was feeling too hot. When I woke up, I discovered that whilst I was snuggled tightly n the blanket, a certain person was pitifully curled up on his side of the bed.

I carefully placed the blanket on him in an attempt to hide my nefarious actions. However, he instantly woke up when I touched him. Without second thought, I launched into a pitiful act, "Dear hubby, I had a nightmare. In the nightmare, the boat I was on capsized and I fell into the ocean, so I felt extremely, extremely cold."

He replied, "Yes, I'm extremely cold too."

Me: "Wow! We can truly read each other's minds! Hahahahahaha."

Him: "I'm cold because I have no blanket to cover me, but you're probably cold because you feel guilty."

"......"

008

After being with Mr. F for a long time, I realized that Mr. F had various compulsive disorders.

The dollar notes in his wallet are all arranged in accordance with the value of the notes, and they must all be arranged face-front; his items must be placed in their fixed positions – the wallet and the keys must be placed at the entrance hall, the remote controls must be placed in the left drawer of the tea table, and the iPad must be placed on the television cabinet;

All our everyday objects must be purchased from a single, fixed brand;

All vertical objects must be arranged parallel to the sides of the table;

The clothes in the closet must be arranged in accordance to their thickness as well as their colour tone;

He even arranged all my make-up and skin care products according to their height and their width, with all the dispensers faced in a single direction.

"Are they undergoing military training?" I asked him.

"Don't you feel more comfortable when you look at them now?"

"I'm going to ask you a question, and you must answer me honestly."

"What?"

"Is your horoscope really not Virgo?"

Since Chapter 10 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You is so short, I have decided to post the chapter in its entirety. In this Chapter, we learn about the sources of Joey's insecurities and worries, and how she gradually managed to overcome her inferiority complex because of that one special boy who, in loving her and patiently waiting for her, inadvertently taught her many things. Although one may be a victim or witness of misfortunes, Joey's tale nevertheless reminds us that one would always have a shot at happiness – if only one is willing to learn how to let go of one's unhappiness.

001

I rarely talk to people about my father.

Perhaps nobody would believe it even if I confessed, but the last time I actually met my father was before I got married. I asked him whether he wanted to attend my wedding, and he awkwardly rubbed his hands together before rejecting me gently.

When I was four, Dad had an affair. As a result, my mum and dad divorced, with custody of both Guan Chao and I being awarded to my mum. After morphing into a single parent household, the most immediate effect that I felt was that we became poor. Dad quickly remarried, and the new wife was extremely strict with him. Thus, when the court adjudged that he had to give us 85 dollars every month for maintenance, he truly gave us only a mere 85 dollars every single month.

That period of time was extremely difficult for us. Mum was jobless, but she had her pride – she wasn't willing to return to her parents' home, and simply raised both Guan Chao and I entirely by herself. Subsequently, she found a job helping people with minor tasks, such as folding paper boxes. As a result, the entire house was filled with stacks of low quality, bright yellow paper meant for the boxes. For every box that she completed, she could earn a single cent, and she had to complete ten thousand boxes within three days.

When I told Mr. F about these experiences, he was unable to believe his ears – in today's day and age, how could there be jobs with wages rigged to the precise production levels? I told him that it was true, and that my mum relied entirely on such a job in order to send us to kindergarten and pre-school. At that time, not many children were enrolled in pre-school, and everybody thought that my mum was simply wasting her money. Despite such objections, my mum insisted on enrolling us in pre-school no matter how difficult it was for her, as she believed that her children could not be in a worse state when compared to other children. From that moment onwards, my personality transformed from a naughty child without a care in the world into an overly cautious kid with an inferiority complex.

According to my memory, there was a very long period of time during which my mum suffered tremendously. Every morning, she had to wake up at 4AM to deliver milk, only returning home at 7AM so as to prepare breakfast for me and Guan Chao. Subsequently, she would start preparing numerous lunch boxes at 10AM, and by 12 noon, she would proceed to use her pushcart to sell these lunches by the roadside. My mum did all these in an attempt to earn more money than she did previously, but we were still stranded in financial difficulties.

During that period of time, it was extremely common for parents to purchase all sorts of nutritious tonics for their children. There were innumerable advertisements shown on the television promoting the great taste of Lan Ping's calcium solutions, often stirring in me a desire to give the solution a try. At that time, children from other homes were 'lacking' in calcium, iron and zinc – but when it came to Guan Chao and I, we would declare definitively without hesitation: Lacking money!

Nowadays, tears still spring to my eyes whenever I recall the hardship that we had suffered. If only my literary talent was much better, I'd be able to write another Dream of the Red Chamber.

This was part of the reason why I used to strongly believe that it would be impossible for Mr. F and I to end up together – the environments in which grew up were simply too different. He was like a prince; his life was free of troubles and difficulties, and he was akin to the sun, filled with positive energy. Conversely, I suffered from an inferiority complex, was often difficult to get along with, and weak. The moment the sunlight shone on me, I'd withdraw into my little shell.

Previously, Guan Chao asked me what was the biggest wish I had. I replied, saying that I wanted to marry somebody who was deeply and truly in love with me. He could be extremely poor, and he could be someone with no background. But I want to give my children a normal, complete family. I want my children to grow up in an environment filled with love. I do not want to place my children in a position where they have to fantasize about love by resorting to novels and dramas, and subsequently have these fantasies shattered in reality, resulting in them being filled with fear in the face of love. Because of the failure of my parents' marriage, there was an extremely long period of time when I was unable to believe that there were relationships where both parties stayed loyal to each other throughout their entire life.

Subsequently, Mr. F related a small incident to me. When he was young, he had asked his father where he came from. His father didn't respond by saying "I picked you up from the rubbish dump" like how other adults would; neither did he respond by saying "You dropped from my armpit."

Instead, he told Mr. F, "You're an angel from the heavens above. God has dispatched you here because he feels that your mother is the most beautiful woman on Earth, and would require your protection."

"What about you?" Little F asked.

"Well, when you've grown older you would inevitably leave your mother. At that time, I, as your father, would be responsible for accompanying your mother until we're both old and frail."

This is the most romantic answer I've ever heard.

A few years ago, The Croods was screening in the cinemas. Mr. F and I decided to watch the movie. During the movie, there was a scene when the father, in an attempt to protect his family, threw his family members one by one onto the other side of the cliff. Seated amongst numerous young children in the cinema, I cried aloud to my utter embarrassment. The scene had struck an emotional chord with me. The love of a father is meant to be a gentle form of protection instinctively afforded to one's children; it was something that many people naturally received since they were born, and yet, I had never experienced it in my entire lifetime.

When we stepped out of the cinema, Mr. F hugged me. Although he didn't say a single word, I could feel the warmth from his embrace. The embrace was filled with gentleness and warmth, and encompassed both understanding and love.

When I was a teenager, I once childishly thought that I would never be able to love anyone, simply because I wasn't even certain whether I had the capacity or ability to love. However, he told me that the ability to love was a natural gift that was innate to human nature, and that it was deeply rooted in the lives of every single person. No matter how pathetic and poor the surrounding soil is, the ability to love would never disappear – as long one chose to awaken it, one would discover that it would always be there.

Merry Christmas everyone!! (: After ending on a more poignant note in the previous chapter of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, Chapter 11 resumes the with a more upbeat note. Once again, Joey shows us how, despite her numerous antics, Mr. F always manages to find a way to turn the tables on her.

001

Mr. F has a friend who recently discovered that he was suffering from the latest stages of cancer. Although this friend had attended our wedding, I wasn't able to interact much with him as I was simply too busy that day. That said, I do remember him as a chubby fellow hailing from Langfang, and when he smiled, his eyes would crinkle up and form a line. When he was toasting us, his wife even joked that he had such tiny eyes that we wouldn't be able to locate his eyes if he weren't wearing glasses.

During the weekend, I accompanied Mr. F on a visit to the hospital. Both of us knew in our hearts that this could very well be the last time we saw him. Before we left the house, Mr. F reminded me to remain composed. Although I understood what Mr. F meant, I couldn't help but feel terrible when I saw the 90kg chubby man of the past reduced to becoming a bag of bones lying on the bed, trying his best to smile and welcome us despite having difficulty breathing. Conversely, Mr. F chatted with him as per normal.

As we didn't want to disturb the patient's rest, we didn't stay long and chose to leave soon after. After existing the ward, I accompanied Mr. F to the stairway where he could smoke. There, the two of us sat side by side on the staircase, both of us choosing not to speak a single word.

There are occasions when I would think about death. When I was a teenager, I wasn't afraid of death in the slightest, simply accepting that it was something everybody had to experience one day. However, nowadays, I'm truly afraid of such a day arriving. It's not because I'm afraid of pain and suffering; rather, I fear that I would no longer be able to enjoy the things I presently cherish. I fear that I would no longer be able to hug the people I love. I fear that I would no longer be able to accompany my children when they're growing up. More importantly, Mr. F and I have already become such a integral part of each other – we're connected to each other by all our little, mundane experiences – and I'm afraid, because the one who suffers most isn't the one who leaves, but the one who is left behind. I can't bear for him to be unhappy, not even the slightest bit. Every time I think about these, I'm extremely, extremely afraid.

He says that I'm being too sentimental, but he doesn't know; he doesn't realize that in actuality, the person who made me this way is him, and him alone.

Although Love arms one with an armor, it simultaneously causes one to have a weakness.

002

One day, I was buying fruits at a market near our place. Just as I was focused on selecting some yellow peaches for Mr. F who really loves them, the guy standing next to me suddenly spoke up, "What are these called?"

I surveyed the surroundings in an attempt to confirm that he was asking me (and not the boss of the fruit stall) before replying, "Yellow peaches."

He nodded his head before asking again, "Are they delicious?"

"Um...... It depends on personal preference."

"Do you like them?"

"They're alright."

After purchasing my fruits, I left the fruit stall. Just then, the guy caught up to me with a bag of yellow peaches in his hand.

"Can I have your mobile number? WeChat is fine too, I just hope that we can be friends."

Is this an actual pick-up line which I thought only existed in legends and myths? I never ever thought that I would actually experience such a situation! I tried my best to repress my delight and answered apologetically, "But...... my husband won't be too happy about it."

The other party was tremendously shocked, "You're married?"

"Yup!" I showed him my wedding ring.

"It's okay, I just want to be friends." He gave me the bag of yellow peaches along with his name card before leaving the scene. As such, I carried the two bags of yellow peaches home in a stupefied state.

When I related my miraculous experience to Mr. F, he was extremely disdainful. "Giving you a bag of yellow peaches? What a scrooge." He looked at the guy's name card and further sneered, "XXX Manager from XXX Company."

I looked at the name card. "Oh, he's even a manager! Don't get jealous."

He smirked coldly, "Am I that childish?"

I left the name card on the dining table out of convenience, and went to the kitchen to help Mr. F wash his yellow peaches. A few days later, I suddenly recalled this incident, and discovered that the name card on the dining table was gone. When I asked Mr. F, he replied nonchalantly, "I threw it away. When I was cleaning the table the other day, I accidentally poured a cup of water on it."

Usually, the number of times a certain fellow voluntarily tidies up the house could be counted within a single hand, not to mention he even "accidentally" poured some water...... The villain's intentions are obvious.

003

We returned to our parents' home during Chinese New Year. Mr. F has a huge extended family – as he had all sorts of paternal uncles, paternal aunts, maternal uncles, maternal aunts, paternal cousins, maternal cousins, nieces and nephews, we always had people visiting every day in order to exchange Chinese New Year greetings. And with the further inclusion of Mr. F's father's colleagues, the house was basically chock full of people......

As Mr. F's father is a very stern man, both Mr. F and I were always on our best behaviour when we were at home. Every morning, we'd wake up at 6:30AM and sit in the living room, yawning whilst staring at each other helplessly. When the visitors started streaming in, Mr. F's mother dispatched the two of us to undertake the task of washing fruits.

Mr. F glanced a the people in the living room. "Doesn't it look like Plants vs Zombies?"

Me: "Ah?"

Him: "Another wave of zombies is about to attack."

I laughed aloud. "Be careful, if Dad hears you he's going to give you a beating."

"Exchanging Chinese New Year greetings in this manner is so inefficient and troublesome; the entire process ought to be simplified."

"How do you propose such a simplification?"

"Well, we could use our mobile phones to send various gift vouchers, and the recipients could simply head down to the departmental stores on their own accord to retrieve the gifts."

"Pfft......"

"The Chinese New Year money given to children could also simply be given through internet banking."

Just then, Mr. F's father called us over to introduce some people to us. "This is Uncle Chen......" I immediately greeted him. Before Uncle Chen left, he attempted to give me a red packet. As it was rather odd for me to receive Chinese New Year money due to my old age, I hurriedly refused.

"When you and F married, I wasn't able to attend your wedding. So take this red packet as a form of compensation."

As such, I had no choice but to accept the red packet silently. After dinner, Mr. F and I went for a stroll. I fished out the red packet, opened it, and happily began counting the money in it. Having discovered that great generosity of Uncle Chen, I expressed my sentiments, "Forget about internet banking, counting physical wads of cash is more pleasurable."

He laughed at me, "Moneygrubber."

"O Mighty and Great Mr. F, do you want to give the humble one some Chinese New Year money as well?"

"Sure." He fished out a 100 dollar note and handed it to me before continuing, "Return me a dollar."

"What? Nobody gives Chinese New Year money expecting change in return!"

"The number 99 has a good symbolic message."

[T/N: 99 in Chinese is referred to as "九九" (jiu jiu), which has the same pronunciation as "久久" (jiu jiu; has a meaning of 'long and everlasting'). Thus, Mr. F is basically saying that he wants to be with Joey forever and ever.]

004

I was at the department store purchasing Chinese New Year goods when I met my High School classmate Ms. S. She recognized me on sight and exclaimed, "Joey, you really haven't changed a single bit."

"No, it's patently obvious that I've aged, having been through numerous vicissitudes of life."

"No, you still retain that retarded vibe you always had."

"......"

After chatting for some time, she suddenly said, "Oh right, I'm attending a gathering the day after tomorrow, XXX organized it because it happens to be his birthday that day. Why don't you come along?"

When I returned to the car, I asked Mr. F, "The day after tomorrow is XXX's birthday, do you want to go?"

He shook his head, "Not interested."

After driving for some time, he suddenly asked me, "Is XXX the one who wears spectacles and sat in front of you?"

Me: "Yes he is, why?"

Mr. F's tone suddenly changed, "I'll go."

Ah, I never knew that Mr. F was on such good terms with XXX. As such, both Mr. F and I attended the gathering with presents in our hands. When XXX saw me, he was delighted, "Joey! Oh my god you actually made it!?" As he was an extremely open, he stretched his arms out wide in an attempt to give me a bear hug. Just then, a certain person grabbed me and shielded me with his body like an old mother hen. He presented the gifts to XXX and said expressionlessly, "Happy birthday."

I made fun of Mr. F internally – when this fellow is at home, his train of thought was extremely active, and he could mock me with great fluency and brilliance. However, the moment he stepped out of the house, he would automatically switch on his 'arrogant and cold' mode and speak in a crisp and sharp manner, with no excessive words in his speeches.

Ms. S dragged me to the side and asked me softly, "Kao, you're married to Mr. F?!"

"Yes, didn't you know?"

"What!? I was in Australia for the past few years, and it was very difficult for me to remain updated with the latest gossip! Ah, I wouldn't have invited you if I had known earlier!"

"Why? Are you discriminating against married women?"

"Haiz...... XXX used to have a crush on you in the past. Because of this, Mr. F even fought with him once."

What in the world!!!!!! This was too much information for me to handle!!!!!!

As a result, I was extremely jumpy and nervous during the entire dinner. As a retarded lady with an overactive imagination, I was terribly worried that these two love rivals would suddenly jump up and start fighting it out. And if they start fighting, who should I help? Or should I be like the female characters in Korean dramas and simply faint on the spot? Ah, I regretted not taking lessons or practicing how to faint in an elegant manner. In the end, these two love rivals were extremely calm, and the gathering ended in a warm and loving atmosphere.

On the way back home, I couldn't resist asking, "There are rumors...... uh...... that...... you have some discord with XXX?"

"What exactly do you want to ask?"

"It's rumored that...... XXX used to like me in the past?"

He nodded his head.

"It's rumored that...... you two even fought because of me?"

He looked at me skeptically, "Who told you this?"

"You mean it didn't happen?"

"It didn't."

"Then how did you manage to discover that he used to like me?"

"He wrote a love letter and requested Guan Chao to pass it to you. I happened to see the love letter, so I asked him out and told him not to affect your studies."

"What happened next?"

"Nothing else happened."

"He just gave up so easily?!"

"What else do you want from him?"

"Kao! He ought to be like the male leads in Qiong Yao's books and stand guard at the door of my house for one entire night! It would be even better if there was torrential rain pouring from the sky – then he would be able to stand in the rain, shouting for me. My brother would lock the door and disallow me from heading out, whilst my mum would raise her arm, giving me a good hard slap. Left with no choice, I would hammer the door desperately, and ultimately slide down onto the floor whilst sobbing in anguish......"

"Stop watching so much television dramas in your free time, it affects your intellect."

005

I don't usually keep an eye on the expenses that we incur on a daily basis. One day, out of curiosity, I decided to head to the bank to obtain a copy of the transactions that took place in our current account for the past year. It was only then that I discovered that the monthly expenses incurred for electricity, water usage, gas usage, floor heating, Wifi usage added up to an enormous sum!!

The miserly part of my personality emerged immediately, and I decided that – from today onwards – I'd start to reduce our daily expenses; I was determined to transform into an industrious and thrifty wife.

When I walked into the supermarket, the phrase "meticulous and careful spending" was written all over my face. Organic vegetables? Shan't buy them, they're way too expensive! In any event, consuming small portions of pesticide may even help to kill any roundworms we may have. My most beloved Ferrero Rocher? Shan't buy them either, I can lose weight and save money simultaneously, thus killing two birds with one stone. Should I buy five normal menstrual pads, or should I buy the twenty menstrual pads currently on offer? I started counting with my fingers in an attempt to discern which option was more value-for-money. Mr. F has an insatiable desire for meat, but beef is extremely expensive. I suppose I'd just cook him a dish of vegetables with ham for dinner tonight.

I would usually turn on all the lights the moment I reach home, as the blinding brightness afforded me a sense of security. However, just as I put my bag down and was about to turn on the lights, I hesitated. After some thought, I simply decided to conserve electricity. Thus, I turned off all the lights, grabbed my laptop, and began to write my drafts in the complete darkness of the living room.

When Mr. F opened the door upon returning home, he had a great shock. "Why didn't you turn on the lights?"

"Conserving electricity."

Speechless, he grabbed a can of Coca Cola from the fridge.

"Don't throw the can away after you finish your Cola." I pointed to the entrance hall, continuing in a serious tone, "We can sell it for some cash."

"Would you cut it out?" He rolled his eyes at me. "Let's go eat sushi tomorrow."

Being the extremely principled person that I am, I resisted the temptation. "Sorry, but we have exceeded our monthly budget."

His face gradually turned black, signifying his bad mood. I acted as though I didn't see the thunderous expression etched on his face, and toddled off to bathe. Who would have known that he would pull the shower curtain open just as I turned on the shower?

"What are you doing?"

He started stripping his clothes off expressionlessly. "We must conserve water, so let's shower together."

Kao, stupid hooligan!

006

My neighbour's daughter is in Year 3 of High School this year, and flopped her preliminary exams. Upon questioning, her mother discovered that her daughter had entered into a relationship at such a young age. In her anxiety, she asked me to help counsel her daughter.

I wondered doubtfully, "Aunty, do you really not know that Mr. F and I started having feelings for each other at an extremely young age too..." However, with a heart hungry for gossip, I nevertheless decided to attempt counseling the girl.

The young lady trusted me a fair bit, and told me in a straightforward manner, "I like a boy who is in my class."

"That's pretty normal. It's not a big deal even if you end up heartbroken."

"I'm not heartbroken, the liking is mutual."

"Then what are you worried about?"

"But... I already have a boyfriend."

"......"

"They even stay in the same dorm."

"......"

"It's precisely because of the two of them that I'm feeling so vexed. Also, there's another boy in their dorm, he's extremely warm and kind. I frequently call him out to chat, and he too, confessed to me last week."

"......"

"Haiz, I didn't want things to end up this way."

I was in a state of bewilderment, "So... you basically swept everyone in that dorm?"

She sighed in exasperation, "That's why I'm so worried and melancholic."

I was feeling extremely inferior, and told Mr. F upon returning home, "The young girls nowadays are so accomplished. When I was at her age, I hadn't managed to achieve anything. Neither was I good in studying – I couldn't even catch the formulas for hyperbolas."

A certain person replied slowly, "But you managed to catch me."

007

Mr. F's alcohol tolerance is pretty good. If I were to express it in his words, it would be "adequate, but there would be no problems causing Joey to be plastered." He rarely gets drunk; even when he's drunk, he remains quiet and is able to somehow manage to send everybody off in taxis before finally returning home.

On the other hand, I'm the polar opposite. I'm the type of person who often goes around looking for trouble, and the moment I'm happy I'd look for alcohol. Although I'm usually the one hollering the loudest, I'll end up being the first to get plastered. That said, I have my principles too – I engage in such crazy activities only if the people I'm hanging out with are all my trusted friends. Whenever I attend a gathering with people I'm unfamiliar with, I would refuse even a single drop of alcohol regardless of how much others try to persuade me. Mr. F has expressed his relief in this regard.

Once, after I returned home from a gathering with my friends, a sudden impulse seized me, and I insisted on acting out a scene of "forcing the innocent maiden". He agreed instantly, and was about to start 'forcing' me when I pushed him aside. "No no, today you will be responsible for the role of the maiden."

He gave it some thought and agreed, "Okay!"

This fellow then proceeded to disrobe quickly and lay on the bed before waving me over, "Hooligan, come quick." Kao! Isn't this 'innocent maiden' too darned co-operative? How is the hooligan expected to feel in such a situation! Stunned, I was unable figure out a way to continue the act even after giving it some thought.

"What are you waiting for?"

I crawled onto him and asked, "Usually, how does the hooligan 'force' the innocent maiden?"

His eyes crinkled and he smiled happily, flipping me onto the bed. "I'll teach you."

008

Due to my serious insomnia, a certain person started to force me to jog with him every single day. As I agreed that it was time for me to start training my body, I went to great pains to Taobao an entire afternoon and purchased a full jogging attire. After all, in order to accomplish the job well, one must first sharpen one's tools.

On the first day, it felt pretty good as the experience was pretty new.

On the next day, I was quite tired, but his enthusiasm and high spirits encouraged me to grit my teeth and persevere.

On the third day, thoughts of how blissful I would have been if I was lying on the sofa at this hour, eating fruits and refreshing Weibo flew through my mind whilst running.

On the fourth day, I seriously contemplated the problem at hand – if I continue running, when would I be able to end this torture?

On the fifth day, I asked him for a day's break, telling him my dear husband, my period has arrived.

On the Nth day, I continued asking for my break, telling him dear husband, my period just ended.

On the N+1 day, I continued asking for a break, telling him dear husband, my period is about to come soon.

Him: "Ah, I finally understand now. The period is truly all-powerful."

I nodded my head vigorously, "Exactly!! The timetable of women is basically divided in accordance with our periods."

We continue with Part 2 of Chapter 11 of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You where Joey recounts her tale of trying to 'revolt' and establish a better position in the household... to no avail. Not because she didn't try, but because Mr. F's simply too poor in his attempts to do housework. So I suppose, Joey's simply stuck with the housework, unfortunately.

009

Sometime back when the World Cup was still ongoing, Mr. F's luck in betting was extraordinarily terrible – all the teams which he thought were promising were all eliminated in the early stages. As a result, Mr. F was given a new, well-deserved title: Pele No. 2.

As the Finals neared, I persuaded Mr. F to bet on Argentina.

"Why? Don't you think Germany has better prospects? Kross's present condition is excellent blah blah..."

I shook my head, "It's because Argentina has a nicer uniform."

He insisted on betting on Germany, and finally won 500 dollars. Overjoyed, he took a photo of his earnings and bragged, "I'm now at a new peak of my life!"

I replied, "Sugar daddy, please sponsor me!"

He shook his head, "I can't squander my money away."

Me: "Sponsoring me is not squandering your money!"

After giving it some thought, he replied, "But it shouldn't be called 'sponsoring'."

Initially, I thought that he would continue by saying that providing for his wife is a natural duty which he ought to fulfill.

In the end, he said, "It should be called 'rearing'."

Mr. F, is your proficiency in languages meant to be used as a weapon for insulting your wife?!

010

He is a soccer fan whereas my knowledge about football matters has remained in a state of stagnation since 2002 when China qualified for the FIFA World Cup for the very first time.

When Germany won Brazil in the World Cup this year with a score of 7:1, he was absolutely giddy with joy. When I woke up the next morning, he excitedly launched into a detailed recount of the match, "Wasn't Kross's tackling in the first half marvelous oh my god Germany is insanely strong this one sided massacre should totally be recorded in history shouldn't it blah blah......"

After listening to him ramble on for half the day, I carefully asked him, "But doesn't Brazil have Ronaldo?"

Subsequently... there wasn't any more 'subsequently'...

After hearing about this incident, my dorm leader, who is also a soccer fanatic, told me earnestly, "Love is truly great – he can actually bear to put up with you without considering a divorce."

011

Mr. F never ever contributes to the housework at home. One day, I told him, "Look at XX's husband XXX! He does all the housework – from sweeping the floor to cooking meals to washing clothes – he basically serves XX as though she is a Queen! When you look at him, don't you ever feel so ashamed and so torn apart by guilt that you're unable to eat and sleep in peace?"

He didn't even bother to look at me, and simply continued his house-wide search for his iPad.

I trailed along behind him, and continued nagging, "Also, look at XXX's boyfriend XX. He's famous for being gentle and understanding; no matter how ridiculous XXX's tempers or requests are, he would always give in to her and listen to every single one of her demands. Additionally, he never ever forgets to prepare presents for every single one of their anniversaries, Valentines' day, Christmas day, and even Children's Day! Don't you ever feel so ashamed and so torn apart by guilt that you're unable to eat and sleep in peace?"

He continued focusing all his energies on locating his iPad.

Heartbroken, I continued my nagging, "And what about my husband? You only know how to bully me and mock me, and you're never ever home because you're always overseas on business trips. When the gas oven spoilt, you didn't bother about it, and when the toilet became stuck, you didn't bother to fix it. Last month when I was sick, you weren't home, and merely instructed me to drink more water over the telephone. Additionally, you don't have a single romantic cell in you! Having been married so long, you haven't even bothered to buy me any flowers. Ah, people always say that a man is sexiest when, despite the female's punching and kicking, he simply looks at her silently before pulling her into his embrace. But you never ever allowed me to do this! Don't you ever feel so ashamed and so torn apart by guilt that you're unable to eat and sleep in peace?"

This fellow finally found his iPad in between the creases of the sofa, and finally turned back, glancing at me coldly. "I do allow you to punch and kick me, but would you dare? Hmm?" He stressed the last "hmm", his eyes narrowing in the process.

I was so frightened that I immediately admitted defeat, "O Mighty King, please spare the life of the humble one, she would never dare to do such a thing."

012

Him: "Are you very dissatisfied with your position in the family?"

Me: "That goes without saying."

Him: "Well, how about this – just for today, you will be entitled to order me about as you please; you can instruct me to do anything, I'll definitely obey your instructions without question."

Me: "Really?"

Him: "Of course."

Me: "You may begin by sweeping the floor."

As such, he obediently proceeded to locate the broom and commenced sweeping. After observing his attempts to sweep the floor for a period of time, I was unable to resist my urge to comment. "You're not sweeping thoroughly – the area under the bed must be swept too. Additionally, are you unable to see the thick amount of dust behind the door? What about the hair located in the crevices between our tiles? Are you going to ignore them?"

Him: "It's already pretty clean."

Me: "It's not clean at all! There, there and there – you haven't swept these places yet!"

Him: "That's not true! Why don't you demonstrate once for me to learn?"

I immediately proceeded to sweep the floor a second time, and managed to gather a pile of rubbish as expected. "Look! The evidence is right here!"

"Yup, you're so impressive."

I handed him another task. "You will be responsible for preparing today's lunch!"

"Sure, what would you like to eat?"

"I want to eat broccoli fried with garlic."

"I don't know how to cook that."

"Bacon with peas then."

"I don't know how to cook that either."

"What about fish flavored pork slices?"

"Nope."

"What exactly do you know?"

"I know how to cook scrambled eggs with tomato."

"......, besides that?"

"Eggs with tomato soup."

"......"

I helped him assemble and prepare all the ingredients, and carefully reminded him, "Be careful, and don't cut yourself. Remember to cut the tomatoes into thicker slices, and only commence frying when the oil has been heated. Additionally, remember to first fry the eggs before putting in the tomatoes."

He was extremely impatient, "Alright, alright. I'll remember so please head out."

Before I had exited the kitchen for even twenty minutes, he started shouting for me. "Come in quick!"

The minute I opened the kitchen door, the fumes overwhelmed me to the point that I was unable to open my eyes. He hadn't turned on the kitchen ventilator (most likely because he had no idea how to), and the black mass lying in the middle of the wok was completely unrecognizable. This fellow, when preparing scrambled eggs with tomato, had put in both soy sauce and vinegar!!

"Why is the eggs charred?" He asked me innocently.

I experienced an instant mental breakdown, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh you didn't put any oil in the wok ahhhhhhhhhhh you spoilt my wok ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" I swear, I'm never ever going to allow him to cook any meals in the future!!!!!!!

013

As I was unable to flag a cab in the morning, I pestered Mr. F to give me a lift to work, which he mercifully agreed to. On the way to work, this fellow's mood was pretty good, and he began to hum a tune whilst navigating the roads.

After carefully attempting to discern the tune, I finally recognized the song lyrics – 'I'll send you away, beyond a thousand miles......' Just how much does this fellow desire for me to get lost?

014

One day, we decided to eat BBQ. As the waiter serving our table had extremely wide and lively eyes, I stared at him for a lengthy period of time. As a result, the youthful boy's face started to redden, and he may even have started to curse me, the odd middle-aged lady, silently in his heart.

Under the pressure of my scorching gaze, his hands gave an involuntary shudder when he was attempting to change the grill for us. As a result, the prawn that we had barbequed dropped onto the floor. When he gave me an apologetic look, my playful nature surfaced and I immediately put on my sternest expression, "Compensate me for my prawn."

Mr. F, who was seated right beside me, couldn't bear to see me continue my nonsensical course of action and warned, "Don't be too much."

The young boy heaved a huge sigh of relief, and was about to escape when Mr. F coolly halted him, "Compensate me for my prawn."

015

I was sitting with him in McDonalds, opposite two high school students who had been kissing for a period of time. The two middle-aged persons thus proceeded to stare at them for a full twenty minutes, during which they blatantly continued their 'activity'. Bemused, I wondered whether they would start suffocating if they continue kissing like that.

A certain fellow rolled his eyes and said, "If she was my daughter, I'd drag her home and smack her."

I replied, "What do you know? Heroes are cultivated from their youth. If this was my son, just based on his advanced technique in dating girls, I'd give him an additional egg for dinner."

A certain person was so aggravated he dragged me home and gave me a good smacking.

016

When we were dating, we often went on dates that lasted late into the night; as such, he often insisted on sending me home. As the mere thought of the long travelling time made my heart ache for him, I often refused his offer. Once, I even replied him with great confidence, "Don't worry, I'm the most nefarious hooligan for miles around." Although I simply meant it as a passing comment, this fellow took it to heart, and often used this incident to tease me.

Last weekend, he went to Shanghai. I was shopping with my best friend when he specially called me to remind me, "Don't shop till too late, try to go home early and rest."

"I know I know, don't worry about me."

"I'm not worried about you, I'm worrying for the rest of the hooligans for miles around." He said slowly.

017

There's another incident that relates to hooligans. Whenever people who aren't familiar with us inquire about how we managed to get together, he would always lack the patience to explain the entire process to them. As a result, he would always give a short and simple answer, "Met a hooligan."

The other party would then ask whether it was Joey who had met the hooligan, and whether Mr. F then decided to play the part of the hero who saved the beauty. He would neither agree nor disagree, and would always give the other party sufficient space to utilize his or her overactive imagination. Meanwhile, I would simply roll my eyes at him whilst sitting by the side.

When he reached home, he grinned from ear to ear and asked me, "Should I tell them that the person who had met a hooligan is actually me?" This fellow can really be terribly childish at times.