MBLAQ - "I'll Be Your Dirty Little Secret" [R]
Title: I'll Be Your Dirty Little Secret
Chapter: 1/3
Fandom: MBLAQ
Pairing: Joon/Seungho
Rating: light R
Summary: Seungho had never in his wildest dreams imagined Lee Joon would show any interest in him.



Seungho and Joon were opposites in every sense of the word.

Lee Joon couldn't live without being the center of attention. He was the kind of person who sucked all the air out of the room when he walked in. No matter what you were doing, you had to turn and watch his every move. He drew your eyes in with his blinding smile and kept them there with his lovable personality.

Yang Seungho could walk into four rooms without ever getting noticed once. Sometimes people looked shocked at the fact he was there when he finally spoke up. His presence was comforting but wholly forgettable.




So the first time Joon kissed him, Seungho felt as if the whole world had folded in on itself.

They had been playfully fighting over a new mp3 player given to them by the fans when Joon flipped him onto his back and pinned him to the bed. Their heavy panting filled the silent room as they stared at each other and Joon leaned down. Unsure of what would happen next, Seungho licked his drying lips out of habit. As he slid his tongue across the pink flesh, he saw something change in Joon's eyes. His dark eyes got even darker and his grip on Seungho's shoulders tightened.

He knew it wasn't right. He knew it was a terrible mistake. But his eyes instantly closed as Joon closed the distance between them. It had been so long since he was kissed so tenderly that Seungho lost himself to the sensations. His fingers worked into Joon's hair and pulled him even closer as he longed for more contact. Joon slowly rocked his body as they lay horizontal on the bed and Seungho's eyes fluttered at the pleasure shooting through him. Joon bit down on his lip and the groan in his throat was silenced by footsteps in the hallway. Seungho pushed Joon to the side and stood up just as Mir walked in. He was too busy rambling on about the new phone he got to notice the disheveled hair and swollen lips of his hyungs. Seungho didn't dare look Joon in the eye and happily let Mir distract him as he explained all the cool features.

The next day, things were back to normal and Seungho told himself they were lucky it hadn't gone too far. Even as he rationalized that this was for the best, the pain in his heart refused to let him truly believe it.




The second time Joon kissed him, Seungho began building a wall around his heart.

They were both drunk and trying not to wake up Mir as they stumbled into the bedroom. Seungho had his arm around Joon's back and was helping him into his bed when he was suddenly yanked forward and landed on top of the other boy. Joon grinned up at him and wrapped his arms around his neck as their lips pressed together.

Part of him wanted to pull away because none of this was real. There were no real feelings behind the action. No passion. No love. They probably wouldn't even remember what happened in the morning. But the other part didn't care as long as Joon held him in his arms and kissed him like nothing else in the world mattered.

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep but he woke up when it was still dark. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Joon's sleeping face, his lips slightly parted as he breathed rhythmically. Seungho stared at the peaceful features and pushed away the hair that had fallen into his eyes. Mir turned in the bunk bed above them and the creak of the mattress pulled Seungho out of his thoughts. He quickly snuck out from under the blanket and slipped into his own bed.

This time he was prepared when Joon acted like nothing happened. He smiled and joked around with the other members as his heart hardened itself.




The third time, he refused to let it happen.

When Joon pulled him into the bathroom one day, he knew what was coming next.

"No," he said after he was pressed against the wall.

Joon froze and unconsciously loosened the grip on his arms. Seungho pushed past him and walked out of the room without looking back.




The fourth and fifth time, the same thing happened until Joon refused to let him go the sixth time.

Seungho tried to pull away but Joon held him firmly. He tried to glare at him but Joon just stared back. He tried to talk but Joon covered his mouth with a hand. Seungho started to panic but Joon quickly pulled him into a hug. They stood there, chests pressed together, listening to each others' heartbeats until Joon finally spoke.

"Don't do this," he whispered against Seungho's ear. "Don't pull away from me."

All the effort he had put into building his indestructible wall came crumbling down as the desperation and loneliness in Joon's voice hit him. Before he could stop himself, his protective instincts took over.

"I won't," he whispered back.

Joon kissed his ear in response and slowly worked his lips down his neck. Seungho gasped as Joon's hand slipped under his shirt and caressed his back. Soon, both their shirts lay on the ground and Joon was easing down his jean zipper. When Joon's hand slipped into his boxers, Seungho's head fell back against the wall. He could hear the other members laughing in the living room as they watched tv. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped Joon's shoulders as he experienced a new level of intensity with every movement of Joon's hand.

Suddenly Thunder asked the others where they were and Joon flashed him a mischievous grin. He leaned in and swallowed Seungho's cry as he came hard in his hand.




After that day, Seungho lost count of the number of kisses and secret hand jobs. He was no longer surprised when he was pulled into a closet or empty room at random times during the day. He stopped noticing the way Joon stayed away from him when the others were around. Or how he smiled and played with Mir's hair whenever he cuddled next to him. He refused to let it bother him when Joon drooled over pretty girls on tv and rambled on about their hotness with G.O.

It made sense after all. Why would anyone want to admit they were involved with someone as plain as Seungho? Especially if that someone was Lee Joon, the star of everyone's world. He was so sure he had convinced himself of the truth, that the day his heart broke, it caught him completely by surprise.

As he watched Joon's hand wrap around the girl's waist while they kissed in a dark corner backstage, the veil of deception he had so carefully put up came crashing down. He should have known better than to think there was anything real behind what they did. They were desperate boys in need of release, he told himself. He was a cheap substitute for the girls Joon couldn't sneak out to be with. He needed a body to satisfy him and Seungho had willingly offered himself up.

He slipped into a nearby closet and slid down the wall until he was hugging his knees. Tired of reasoning and lying to himself, he shut off his brain and just let the tears fall. Each hot drop released all the pain and frustration he had been bottling up. He cried until there was nothing left but a hollow heart incapable of loving again.

MBLAQ - "A Punch For Your Thoughts" [PG]
Title: A Punch For Your Thoughts
Chapter: 2/3
Fandoms: MBLAQ
Pairing: Joon/Seungho
Rating: PG
Summary: Joon reveals the reason why he hurt Seungho ... and G.O. is his awesome self.
Notes: The followup to "I'll Be Your Dirty Little Secret"



G.O. sipped his coffee and watched Joon run around getting ready for his date. It was the third time that week and Seungho still hadn't said anything about his curfew breaking. G.O. watched Seungho's face for a reaction as Joon rushed out the door, saying he would be back late. The leader gave no response and continued staring at the tv.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" G.O. finally broke the silence. "He's been coming in at four in the morning every day."

Seungho shrugged and unwrapped another piece of chocolate. G.O. stared at the wrappers littering the floor and then at Seungho's emotionless face as he chewed. Since last week, Seungho's mood had been really strange. He seemed to walk around like a lifeless zombie, going through the motions but with no heart behind them. At first G.O. had let it pass, thinking he was just exhausted but now it was as if he had given up on everything.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, sitting down.

Seungho stopped chewing and paused for a second before shaking his head.

"I know there is. Come on, tell me...."

"I..I just want to be left alone."

As soon as G.O. heard the crack in his voice, he grabbed Seungho by the arm and dragged him into the bathroom. After locking the door, he turned around with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You're not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on with you."

Seungho stared at the floor and drew circles in the tile with his toe. G.O. sighed, realizing the tough approach wouldn't work with him. Seungho was too good at keeping his feelings locked inside. He reached out and pulled the other boy into a hug. He held him tight and rubbed his back until he felt Seungho's muscles relax.

"Who broke your heart?" he asked softly.

Seungho's voice hitched and a sob erupted from his lips before his knees gave out. G.O. sank down to the floor with him and held him in his arms as he hiccuped and cried while spilling the whole story of what happened with Joon. He was so spent by the time he finished that he fell asleep as soon as G.O. helped him to his bed.

As he wiped the lingering tears from Seungho's cheeks, G.O. felt his own heart throb at the pain etched into every wrinkle and line. He gently kissed his forehead before closing the door and going into the living room to wait for Joon.




Joon froze in the doorway as soon as he saw G.O. sitting on the sofa with his lips pressed into a thin line. He tried to pretend he didn't notice and hurried towards the bedroom but he was quickly grabbed by the shirt and shoved into a wall. G.O. stared at him silently before finally speaking.

"Why did you have to hurt him?"

"I don't have to answer to you."

G.O. shoved him harder into the wall and pressed an arm against his neck, "You want to try that again?"

"Are you his freaking bodyguard? Did he come crying to you and sob about his broken heart? Are you that desperate to be some sort of-"

G.O. narrowed his eyes and studied Joon's face as he yelled at him. When it looked like he was going to ramble on forever, he punched him hard in the stomach. Joon reeled back in pain and gasped for air.

"You can talk or we do this all night."

"What the hell is wrong with you? I -" Joon's voice got lost in his throat as he was punched again.

G.O. saw Seungho's outline out of the corner of his eye and pulled back his fist again. He stopped mid-flight as Joon held up his hands in defeat.

"Stop. Stop ...... I...I didn't want to hurt him. Do you have any idea how much it's been killing me to see him like that ? But..." Joon paused to compose himself as his throat got tighter. "I didn't have a choice."

G.O. released his grip and stepped back to let him talk. When he saw him hesitate, he put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"What happened?"

Joon let out a shaky breath before continuing.

"I got a message about two weeks ago from a girl who works at the studio. She said she would expose my relationship with Seungho unless I started dating her. She even attached pictures of us together as evidence. I met up with her the next day to convince her not to do it but she showed up with her friends and introduced me as her boyfriend. I...I didn't know what to do so I went along with it, thinking maybe I could get a hold of the pictures if I stuck around and..."

G.O. squeezed his arm, "but that wasn't the only reason was it?"

Joon's eyes fell shut and he leaned back against the wall.

"No, there was something else too."

G.O. nodded with understanding and patted his arm.

"I was scared," Joon finally said, his voice trembling as he continued. "I was so scared of what he did to me. It started out as something fun and we just fooled around. But then .... I couldn't stop. He was like a drug. I wanted to hold him every time his shoulders drooped with tiredness. I wanted to grab his face and kiss him every time he pouted. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to be next to him. I wanted to be the one to put a smile on his face every second of every freaking day. I couldn't breathe unless he was by my side."

"So you broke his heart?"

"I didn't know what to do. I've never felt that way about anyone before. All I knew was I had to get away before it consumed me. Letting him see the kiss was just a chance opportunity. I knew he would never let me go so when that girl showed up backstage one day, and I saw Seungho coming, I did the only thing I knew would hurt him enough to give up on me."

"You idiot."

Joon jumped in shock as Seungho's soft voice floated to his ears. Turning his head to the side, his heart twisted at the pain reflected in the watery eyes in front of him. He opened his mouth to say something, anything to make the hurt go away, but he was cut off by Seungho's lips crashing against his own. He fell back against the wall as Seungho pressed his body closer and sank his hand into Joon's hair. The memories flooded back as he was immersed in Seungho's scent and touch again. Joon couldn't contain the surge of emotions swirling around and a tear ran down his check as he wrapped his arms tightly around Seungho.

G.O. smiled softly and slipped towards the open bedroom. He scooped Mir into his arms and carried him to the next room. Setting him down on the empty bed above Chundoong, he closed the door and waited until it was clear for him to make his final move.




"I hate you," Seungho said, his voice strained and sore.

"I know."

"How could you be so stupid? You destroyed something we can never get back. We can never be like that ag-."

"I don't want to go back to that," Joon interrupted.

Seungho hung his head to hide the tears building in his eyes.

"I want this," Joon continued. "I want you. All of you. Every day. No more hiding."

Seungho reached to wipe the tears that spilled out but Joon grabbed his hand.

"I want you, tears, snot and all," he grinned, leaning in to kiss his wet cheeks.

Seungho ducked out of embarrassment and ran towards the bathroom. As he splashed water on his face, arms wrapped around him from behind. He jumped a little as warm lips pressed against his neck. Joon continued kissing him even as he blew his nose and reached for the towel to wipe his face. When he was done, he whipped the towel at Joon's head, making him cry out in pain.

Seungho grinned while Joon scowled and rubbed his head. He turned to walk towards the door but was yanked back into Joon's arms.

"You know," Joon said as he kissed his jaw. "There's still something missing. Something that would make this night complete."

"What?"

"Sex," Joon smirked just before biting Seungho gently.

MBLAQ - "My Sanctuary" [NC-17]
Title: My Sanctuary
Chapter: 3/3
Fandom: MBLAQ
Pairing: Joon/Seungho
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Joon wants to put the pain behind them by moving their relationship to the next level.
Notes: This is the conclusion to "I'll Be Your Dirty Little Secret" & "A Punch For Your Thoughts"



"You know," Joon said as he kissed his jaw. "There's still something missing. Something that would make this night complete."

"What?"

"Sex," Joon smirked just before biting Seungho gently.

Seungho's face paled and he tried to step back but Joon held him tightly. Even as he continued kissing his neck, Joon could feel Seungho's muscles stiffen. He leaned back and studied the face that was staring at the shower behind them as if it held the answers to the universe. Joon tried to tug Seungho's chin to left to meet his eyes but his neck was as frozen as the rest of his body.

"Please," Joon whispered. "Don't do this. Talk to me."

Seungho swallowed hard and continued staring past him.

Joon's heart got caught in his throat as he read the fear in Seungho's eyes, "You're afraid I'll leave you again once I get what I want..."

Seungho looked at the ground and his silence confirmed what Joon was praying wasn't true.

"That's why we have to do this," he insisted. "You won't trust me again until I prove things are different now."

Joon let go of Seungho's arms and grabbed his face. He softly caressed his cheek with his thumb before leaning in to kiss him. Joon eased his lips gently over Seungho's. He hummed at the familiar softness and slowly pressed harder. Seungho squeezed his eyes shut and tried to resist the feelings stirring inside him.

"Please," Joon mumbled.

The sincerity in Joon's voice hit him hard and he found himself nodding despite his lingering doubts. Joon grinned and instantly reached for his shirt but Seungho held up a hand.

"What about Mir?"

Joon cursed under his breath. Suddenly he snapped his fingers and hurried towards the bedroom.

"We'll move him onto the couch," he whispered as Seungho followed behind.

"We can't do that!"

Joon was about to argue when he noticed the bed in question was already empty. He and Seungho looked at each other in surprise until Joon noticed the closed door next to theirs and smiled.

"G.O." they both said at the same time.

Seungho stared at the door wondering how he was ever going to repay G.O. for everything he had done. He suddenly jumped as a hand slipped under the waistband of his pants and pulled him backwards into the bedroom.

Joon pushed Seungho against the closed door and pulled off his shirt, tossing it next to his own. Seungho clutched Joon's head and moaned as moist lips closed around his nipple. Every touch of Joon's lips, every swipe of his tongue made him sigh with pleasure. The pace and gentleness were completely different from before. Joon's touches seemed to have a purpose now instead of just being a step towards release. Seungho shivered as Joon blew cool breath down his chest while his hands caressed his sides. Joon watched with amusement as the muscle rippled and contracted under his touch. Seungho moaned again as the hands were replaced by kisses and gentle biting.

Seungho worked his fingers into Joon's hair and pulled up his head to kiss him. As their lips moved against each other, he reached towards Joon's pants. Before he could touch him, Joon pushed his hand away.

"No. Tonight is about you."

Seungho's breath quickened as a hand pressed against his clothed cock before slipping into his boxers. His head slammed against the door and he pushed his hips into Joon's hand. Joon eased his hand over the shaft, twisting his wrist slightly to make him cry out. Seungho grabbed Joon's shoulders for support and panted in his ear as the hand moved faster.

"N..no more t..teasing," he forced out between moans.

Joon pulled out his hand and walked over to the bed. Reaching under the mattress, he pulled out a small bottle and smiled.




Seungho grunted as he tried to push past the tight ring of muscles. Joon cried out and pressed his nails deep into Seungho's back. Seungho didn't even flinch as all his attention was focused on the boy underneath him

"Are you okay?" he asked as a drop of sweat trickled down Joon's face.

"I'm fine," Joon insisted. "Just kiss me and keep going."

Seungho leaned down and softly pressed his lips against Joon's. Joon grabbed his head and bit his lip hard, making Seungho thrust in deeper. They both cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

"Move," Joon groaned as Seungho stayed frozen.

"I...are you..."

"Damn it, Seungho. Just move!"

Seungho instantly pulled out and thrust in hard, making them both scream again. As the thrusts picked up speed, Joon closed a hand around his own cock. Seungho watched his face carefully, trying to judge how close he was. The heat and tightness were pushing him over the edge but he was desperately trying to hold on for Joon's sake. Joon saw the struggle in his face and brought Seungho's hand to his erection. Seungho immediately went to work, teasing him in all the ways he knew drove him wild. Joon arched his back and came just as Seungho released inside him.

"Why the hell did we wait so long to do this?" Joon asked out loud as Seungho collapsed next to him

"Because you're an idiot."

Joon quickly cleaned himself up and cuddled next to Seungho who was already breathing deeply.

"But you still love me," he whispered in his ear.




Seungho stirred in his sleep as sunshine poured in through the window. Stretching out his back, he opened his eyes to the sight of a very naked Joon lying next to him. Joon was sleeping on his stomach and Seungho's eyes followed his gorgeous back line until it disappeared under the blanket. Seungho scooted closer and pulled the covers higher around them as he leaned towards Joon's face. This was the first time he'd seen his features so up close in the sunlight. His finger ran across the defined jawline and up towards his pouty lips. He was leaning in to kiss him when Joon's eyes suddenly sprang open. Seungho froze with the embarrassment of being caught but Joon just smiled and puckered his lips. Seungho kissed them lightly before settling next to him on the pillow. They stared at each other silently while their hands ghosted over arms and backs.

A strange object caught Seungho's eye and he leaned over Joon to pick up a box from the floor. He opened the top and pulled out a digital camera. Joon sat up straight and reached into the box to take out a note.

"Don't ask how but the problem is taken care of. I'll let you decide what to do with the pictures."

Joon turned on the camera and stared open mouthed at the pictures that had been haunting him for weeks. Seungho leaned over and gasped when he realized whose camera it was.

"How did..."

Joon put the camera back in the box and returned it to the floor. He pulled Seungho into a hug and kissed his shoulder.

"I don't care how," he whispered. "You're mine now. And that's all I need to know."