Chapter 18

Yuri was packing her belongings once again, for the umpteenth time.

I seem to be moving quite a lot this month… she sighed inwardly.

“Juicer, check. Ma, check. Mickey Mouse t-shirt…”

“You don’t have to leave, Yuri.” Hyomin said as she entered the room.

Mickey Mouse t-shirt, property of Hyomin’s.

“Sica’s gone,” Yuri paused, feeling the impact of the words she just said. She cleared her throat. “So I can drop the act. Besides, I shouldn’t impose on you any longer.” she smiled. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“You’re not imposing. You can always take this room.” Hyomin said as she settled on the floor beside the tanned girl.

“I can’t. I’ve been so selfish for asking for your help even when we just…” Yuri paused, being careful not to mention the sensitive issue. “Either way, I’m sorry I had to use your help. Sica wouldn’t believe me otherwise.”

Hyomin looked at the girl with pitiful eyes. "I still think you should have talked to her about it."

The tanned girl looked down. "Knowing Sica, she would have either kicked up a big fuss at her father who has a heart condition..." Yuri paused, before saying, "Or left me."

"Even if I don't know her, I can see that she really loves you, Yuri."

Yuri felt a discomfort in her throat. It was the tears again. She quickly got up to retrieve more stuff and packed them in her bag. "And I do too. That's why I don't want to come in between her and her father."

And Hyomin understood. In fact, she knew exactly how it felt like; to love a person so much that you'd want the best for them. It struck her that Yuri was going through the same thing, she wanted so badly to be the one to heal the broken girl, and at the same time, heal herself.  

“Thank you, Minnie.” Yuri said earnestly. This was a favor she knew she could never return.

Smiling a little, Hyomin answered, "No worries."

She watched as Yuri packed the last of belongings, struggling to hide her teary eyes. It pained her to know that Yuri was hurting, and it pained her even more to know that Yuri was hurting because of Jessica. As much as she wanted to, she knew she couldn’t stop Yuri from leaving. The girl was stubborn as it is, and once she made up her mind about something, she would stick with it to the end. She knew Yuri too well.

Yuri zipped her bag, and exhaled. “Minnie, I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

“Hmmm?”

“That night, when we drank, and I was on your bed…” Yuri paused, “I… I’m really sorry… If I did anything.”

Managing a slight smile, Hyomin shook her head. “Don’t worry. You were too depressed to do anything.”

The day Hyomin met Jessica in person, she began to understand everything. The times Yuri would stare at her face for a long time and then get depressed out of nowhere, and the times Yuri talked about ‘seeing cars’ when she was drunk. Hyomin didn’t understand then, but she did now.

The resemblance was uncanny. The truth was stone cold.

Yuri had been in love with Jessica all along.

Hyomin felt like a replacement, like a shadow of Jessica Jung. It upset her immensely. She wondered if Yuri ever truly loved her.

-----

(flashback)

“Sica…” the girl sobbed, hugging her legs close to her body.

Hyomin couldn’t do anything. Yuri was too upset; and she’s never seen her like that before. She put an arm around Yuri’s shoulder to comfort the distraught girl. “Stop drinking, Yuri. It doesn’t help.” Hyomin begged. She was worried at Yuri’s sudden destructive behavior; Yuri was always the health freak that only allowed herself to drink if there was some occasion. And yet, the girl was already at her third bottle. “Yuri, stop.” she yanked the bottle out of Yuri’s hands.

Yuri stared at the girl angrily, but suddenly softened. The heavily drunken girl hastily leaned forward and hugged onto Hyomin tightly. “I’m sorry Sica… But I don’t want… to come in between you… and your family… I can never do that to you…”

Hyomin was taken aback by the hug. She would be in denial if she didn’t miss it. As much as she knew it was wrong, she hugged the girl back. Despite knowing that this hug wasn’t intended for her, the warmth from being in Yuri’s arms again was something she craved.

“I… love you… so much… see… car…” Yuri cried.

A tear fell down Hyomin’s cheek as she heard those words. They were so sincere, and they were so real.

But they weren’t meant for her.

“I love you too, Yuri…” Still, she couldn’t help it. Her emotions ended up getting the better of her. Her head was desperately trying to persuade herself against it, and yet, she knowingly took advantage of the situation. She felt awful, she felt horrible, and she felt like she was betraying Yuri’s trust.

“Be with me… just… one more night…” the drunken girl begged.

Within seconds, both girls were in the bedroom, on the bed. Yuri forced herself on her, but she couldn’t find the strength to fight back. Every part of her wanted Yuri, but knowing all this was one-sided, tears streamed down her face as Yuri kissed her.

Because Yuri was kissing Jessica. Not her.

And she could never reject Kwon Yuri.

Before things went too far, the doorbell rang.

Seeing Jessica come for Yuri broke her heart. Seeing how Yuri tried so hard to lie to Jessica, and how Jessica begged for Yuri to leave with her, she knew, right there and then; that she could never come in between them. Not even remotely close.

Ever.

(end of flashback)

-----

“So why was I... undressed?” Yuri fiddled with the zipper on her bag, not looking at the girl.

Hyomin could sense her discomfort in asking that question. She looked at her apologetically, and said, “You vomited, so I cleaned you up. Sorry, I thought you wouldn’t mind…”

Yuri didn’t need to know the truth. She didn’t need to know that there were more than 2 hearts broken that night. Hyomin worried that telling her might just push the girl away.

“No, not at all.” Yuri said, obviously relieved. “Thank you for your help...” she said sincerely, finally looking up at the girl’s face. Noticing the obvious sadness in Hyomin’s eyes, Yuri felt even more guilty. “I’m sorry, I knew this would be hard on you, and yet I--”

“I did it for you, Yuri.” Hyomin interrupted. And it was true. Seeing the broken state of the once chirpy dork, Hyomin only wanted to help her, to fix her. Replacement or not, a huge part of her still wanted to be with Yuri.

She trusted Yuri so much, to the point of being blinded by her selfishness.

Yuri fiddled with her bag again. She didn’t know how to respond. “I can never thank you enough…”

But Hyomin understood that things will never be the same. Jessica’s return did something to the girl. It was as if her heart was now locked up somewhere and Hyomin couldn’t even get near it.

“I would take this opportunity to get you back, but seeing how you’re so in love with her, I can’t bear to do it.” Hyomin said. Sighing, she leaned back against the wall. “I’m envious of her. She has you.”

“I’m sorry.”

The two words were all Yuri could manage. She hated herself, for using Hyomin, despite knowing how it would hurt her feelings. The thought of any relationship without Jessica in it was impossible to Yuri now. The wounds inflicted by her ill-fated relationship with Jessica were too deep.

“I understand, Yuri.” Hyomin conceded. She reached over and held her hands. “Thank me by coming to me whenever you need me.”

Yuri nodded. “I will.”

“So you’re going back to Sooyoung and Yoona’s place?” she asked.

Yuri shook her head as she carried her bag. "Somewhere else.”

-----

Yuri stood blankly in front of the door. Putting her bags on the ground, she rested her hand on the knob.

It was here where I became the biggest nervous-wreck before our first date.

It was here where I became the most lovestruck person when she asked me out.

It was here where I became the happiest person alive when I moved in with her.

It was here where I became the stupidest person when I let her go.

Everything seemed so familiar.

Unlocking the door, she opened it and stepped into the apartment, plopping her bags on the floor. “Sica baby, I’m home.” she announced.

“I’ve always wanted to do that…” she scoffed at her pathetic misery. Walking further into the house, she examined the place, remembering specific incidents that happened at the different parts of the house.

Stopping in the middle of the living room, she cried softly, “I’m home, Sica…” she knelt on the floor, sobbing to an empty house.

But it was cut short by the sound of the doorbell.

Sica?

She sprang to the door immediately, rushing to open it. As impossible as it seemed, she still hoped the person behind the door was the blonde.

Instead, it was two girls, who looked like they were going to implode with anger.

Yuri’s shoulders slumped, and she scoffed again at her pathetic hopefulness, too occupied to care that the two girls were giving her death stares. “Come in.” Turning around, she dried the tears on her face.

“I told you before. If you ever hurt Jessi, we’ll come for you.” the taller of the two said as she entered the apartment.

“You better explain yourself now or I swear you’ll see this coming at you.” the other girl said as she held up a fist. “I’ve been saving this since that night you treated Sica like dirt.”

Yuri continued ignoring them, and settled on the couch. She blankly stared at it, memories flashing in her head.

"What makes you think I'll get a loveseat?!"

"Cos you will."

“Seriously, Kwon Yuri. We’re giving you a chance to explain yourself.” Taeyeon said, writhing with anger. “You think it’s fun playing with people’s feelings like that?”

Still, Yuri didn’t respond. In fact, she didn’t listen. She was too preoccupied with the couch in front of her. Running her hands across the couch, her tears fell on its leather surface.

“YA!” Taeyeon approached the girl, furious and about to strike, but was stopped by Tiffany who held her back. “Jessi was right, wasn’t she? It’s all an act?”

Yuri still remained quiet.

But Tiffany understood immediately. “Why did you do that?” she took a few steps closer to the girl. "Jessi was so in love with you she'd sacrifice the world for you!"

Yuri sat on the couch and buried her face in her hands. “How much can I trust you to keep a secret from your best friend?”

Tiffany fell silent, and Taeyeon calmed down immediately. Seeing the sight of Yuri all down and out, it only resembled Jessica.

Both of them were equally broken.

Turning to each other, the couple came to a silent agreement that they wouldn’t probe any further.

Taeyeon walked over to Yuri and put her arm around her. “I’m sorry for my outburst.” she apologized sincerely. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you had a good reason for doing it.”

More tears rolled down her cheeks.

“You shouldn’t be alone. Why don’t you move back in with Sooyoung and Yoona?” Tiffany suggested.

“I would, eventually. I’m just staying here for a while.” She wiped her tears and attempted a little smile. “They will never let me be alone anyway.”

The couple nodded empathetically. “Okay. Call us if you need us, Yuri. We’re just next door.” Taeyeon said.

“Take care.” Tiffany said as she hugged Yuri tightly.

“Please… don’t tell Sica… about this.” Yuri begged.

Tiffany nodded. “Okay.”

The two girls left shortly after, giving Yuri some space. The girl did nothing but rest in the bedroom; lying on the bed. Jessica had only been gone for a day, but the room still smelled of strawberries; the sweet, lingering intoxication that Yuri missed. Inevitably, she started recalling, memory after memory, scene after scene of the things that happened in this room.

It was here that Jessica asked her out. It was here that they shared their first night together.

It was here that she gave this to me.

She brought her wrist up to her face and touched her bracelet, running a finger across the engraving on the heart.

“Yul… Sic.”

-----

(A week later)

Sooyoung sighed as she entered the room. Pulling the curtains apart, she proceeded to the bed and tore the covers off the girl who was underneath it.

“Get up.” she ordered, clearing up the mess on the ground.

“Get up, Kwon Yuri. You’ve skipped school for a whole week.”

Garnering zero response from the girl, Sooyoung dropped the things in her hands and climbed onto the bed. She reached out for Yuri’s arms and personally pulled the girl up. Unfortunately, Yuri’s deadweight didn’t help and Sooyoung had to bear the full brunt of her weight. After much struggle, the skinny shikshin gave up. She released the girl who conveniently plopped back down on the bed; eyes open, staring into space.

Sooyoung sighed. “I know you’re going through a rough patch. But you need to get your life back in order. Lying in bed all day and night doesn’t help. You're not even eating properly. Your Ma is rotting and the new batch of Ma that Hyomin bought you, will rot soon. Where's our health-conscious Yuri?”

Yuri was still unresponsive. Sooyoung wondered if her words were even going into the girl’s head. Giving up, she sighed and cleared the mess from the bedroom, before appearing in the room again; this time with a big bag of chips in her hand. Making herself comfortable on her bed, she snacked on the bag of chips as she kept her eyes on Yuri on the other bed.

People in love. Sooyoung sighed again.

The room was silent for a good half an hour, and by the time Sooyoung ravaged the whole bag of chips, Yoona was home from school.

“I’m home! Yuri’s still stoning?” Yoona asked as she walked over to examine the lifeless girl on the bed.

Sooyoung nodded. “Get me another bag of chips will you?”

“Okay.” The girl went out of the room and then came back with about 3 bags of chips, some chocolate bars, and a whole lot of other snacks.

Sooyoung’s eyes lit up immediately. “GIMME! GIMME GIMME!”

Yoona dropped the snacks on Sooyoung’s bed and sat down beside the shikshin. The duo started having a little picnic on the bed while periodically staring at the girl on the other bed. No one talked. The room was silent except for the munching and chewing of the food, and the occasional shuffling on the bed.

Soon after, the bored-to-death duo started playing Monopoly.

“3, 4, 5. Chance. Take the card for me.” Sooyoung said as she reached out for a chocolate bar.

“Ohhhh Sooyoung goes directly to jail, again. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $2000.” Yoona proudly declared as she read out Sooyoung’s Chance card.

Sooyoung dropped the chocolate bar and snatched the card from the girl’s hands, disbelieving in the girl. “Dammit, this is the umpteenth time! I need to pass GO, I’m outta money!!” she exclaimed. “Ahhh the phone’s ringing.” Sooyoung said as she threw the Chance card down. “Forget it. Bankrupt me. I’m sick of playing.”

“You’re no fun!!” Yoona complained as Sooyoung walked out of the room to answer the call. As Yoona kept the cards and folded up the board, she shook her head and sighed. “Yuri, Yuri. There’s no use torturing yourself. Sica’s gone, you have to start living your own life now. It really kills us to see our Kkab Yul all depressed.” She put the board into the box and walked over to Yuri’s bed, making her flounder face. “And the flounder disapproves of depression.”

No response. Yuri was still spaced out.

But Yoona didn’t like to lose. She kept her fish-face on for a good minute, just staring at Yuri.

Finally, Yuri giggled.

“Flounder ALWAYS works!” Yoona exclaimed happily and clapped her hands in joy.

Just then, Sooyoung ran into the room, flustered. “Yuri! Your mom’s on the phone!”

Yuri turned her head and looked blankly at Sooyoung, who was mouthing the words ‘angry mother’ to Yuri. Reluctantly, Yuri took the phone and put it to her ears.

“Hello?”

“KWON YURI!!” The loud scream of her mother had never changed. Yuri flinched a little.

“WHEN ARE YOU GONNA COME HOME?? IT’S BEEN YEARS SINCE YOUR FATHER AND I HAVE SEEN YOU!! SINCE YOU ENTERED COLLEGE IN FACT!! YOU KNOW DAD AND I ARE BUSY HERE AND WE CAN'T LEAVE OUR WORK, SO WHY HAVEN'T YOU VISITED US?!!"

To prevent her eardrums from exploding, Yuri held the phone at a safety distance.

“Uhhh…”

“IN EVERY PHONECALL, YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'LL COME HOME SOON!! HOW MANY 'SOONS' HAVE YOU PROMISED?!! IN THE DICTIONARY… WAIT LET ME GET THE DICTIONARY.”

“Mom……” Yuri whined as the other end of the line remained silent for some time. She wondered if she should be enjoying this precious silence.

“IN THE DICTIONARY, ‘SOON’ MEANS IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!" Yuri jolted up at her mother’s sudden loud booming voice. "DO YOU NEED ME TO LOOK UP THE WORD ‘NEAR’ TOO??”

Behind Yuri, the two girls broke out in laughter. They always anticipated the calls Yuri had with her mother, because more often than not it involved Mrs Kwon embarrassing the girl.

“Noooo!! And Mom, I can hear you loud and clear. Can you speak a little softer please?”

“FINE." Yuri could hear her mother clear her throat. "So what’s your excuse?”

Yuri scratched her head in frustration. Her mother was definitely pissed, but Yuri had been so caught up with school, Hyomin, and the initial depression with Jessica’s sudden departure to go home the past years.

“Sorry mom, I’ve been busy with school…”

“Right. So then what’s this thing I heard about you and Hyomin breaking up? And then Jessica came back and got involved with you and then left again? You sure have a lot of time for your love life.”

Her mother couldn’t possibly have found out, unless…

Yuri glared at the shikshin instantly, causing the latter to avert her gaze. There was no doubt that Sooyoung was the tattle-tale.

"Mom..."

"Hyomin is such a nice and sweet girl who's also pretty and talented and you left her?! She always sends the most thoughtful gifts to us!! I always looked forward to seeing her on TV, but that's cos my BUSY daughter couldn't find the time to bring her home so I could finally meet her in person!"

"Mom..."

"Don't 'Mom' me!! So now Hyomin's your 'long lost cousin' eh? Don't think that I don't keep up with the entertainment news!" There was silence for a while after that as Mrs Kwon took some breaths. Even Yuri couldn't say a thing. Her mother did love Hyomin.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, Kwon Yul."

"I know."

She could hear her mother sighing on the phone. "I know you loved Jessica all along, dear."

“Mom, can we not talk about this?”

"No. I'm your mother, and I want to be involved in your life. I don't know anything about your relationship with Jessica, but you have to pick yourself up."

Yuri could feel her eyes getting wet just at the sound of that name.

"I just want you have to be okay, my Kkab Yul."

"It's so hard, Mom..."

Her mother sighed. "You just have to. Don't neglect other aspects of your life."

Yuri kept silent.

“Kwon Yul. Your love life is screwed up now, I get it. But you also have a thousand animals out there waiting for the future Dr Kwon to save their lives. Remember how you told me all the animals out there are suffering? Stop skipping school. Make something good out of the other parts of your life now.”

Yuri groaned. “Mom…”

“You have good friends who are deeply concerned for you. You have a family who loves you. You have a bright future ahead as a veterinarian. Cherish it, Kwon Yul.”

Yuri kept quiet. She knew that sometime or another, she would have to stop with all this depression.

“Tell you what. Don’t come home until you become Dr Kwon.”

“Huh? B-but--”

"I mean it." And with that, the phone line disconnected. Yuri stared at the phone blankly for a while, before putting it down on the bed. Taking a deep breath, she got off the bed and stretched her limbs, before turning to look at her two friends.

“Thanks guys.” She smiled slightly. “Kkab Yul is back.”